


Annoyance Assassin

by GingerSnipps



Series: Annoyance Assassin [1]
Category: Sanders Sides (Web Series)
Genre: Based on a Tumblr Post, M/M, also a bunch of stanley parable references, better than ATTT, but i mean what did you expect, far Far too many hamilton references, good job, i dont really know what im doing tbh, i hope this is good in the slightest bit, idk what else to put here, if you made it this far and read through all the nonsense tags, just a bunch of random references honestly, oh theres also poorly written angst i guess, this is the one story that i dont let my beta readers preview for me so, uhh witty tag that makes you chuckle, wow im really talking this story up arent i, you can read the story now, youre great
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-23
Updated: 2021-01-11
Packaged: 2021-03-06 18:07:12
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 5
Words: 41,382
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26073139
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/GingerSnipps/pseuds/GingerSnipps
Summary: Virgil hasn't been a hitman long, but he's pretty sure annoying someone to death isn't a common way to kill someone.
Relationships: Anxiety | Virgil Sanders & Creativity | Roman "Princey" Sanders, Anxiety | Virgil Sanders & Logic | Logan Sanders, Anxiety | Virgil Sanders/Dark Creativity | Remus "The Duke" Sanders/Deceit | Janus Sanders, Creativity | Roman "Princey" Sanders & Morality | Patton Sanders, Creativity | Roman "Princey" Sanders/Logic | Logan Sanders, Dr. Emile Picani/Sleep | Remy Sanders
Series: Annoyance Assassin [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2196516
Comments: 32
Kudos: 89





	1. Part 1

**Author's Note:**

> This is just a short story idea I had, it was originally going to be a one-shot but it's already really long and I still want to write more so here we are. 
> 
> Trigger Warnings: Talking about killing (nothing graphic), cursing, mentions of a parent leaving a child, a character being a jerk. No character deaths though.

Virgil stepped into the abandoned building and let the heavy door close behind him. He found himself in an empty office lobby with faded blue chairs and a water dispenser on the right side of the room. From the limited view of the hallway on the left, he could see empty cubicles with not so much as a photograph on any of them. It was certainly an uncomfortable scene, though Virgil wasn’t entirely sure why. 

“It’s called a liminal space.” A calm voice said from across the room. 

Virgil jumped. He hadn’t noticed the tall figure seated in one of the blue chairs that was hidden by the shadows of the corner. 

“My apologies. It was not my intention to startle you.” The man rose from his chair and adjusted his dark blue tie. “Salutations. I am Logan Holter. And you are…?”

Virgil, in his confusion as to what a liminal space was combined with his alarm from the man he’d just noticed, forgot his own name for a second. “I’m, uh, Virgil. Virgil Jordan.”

“A pleasure to meet you, Mr. Jordan.” Logan paused before he seemed to suddenly remember something. “Oh! I imagine you were wondering why the room felt uncomfortable?”

Virgil wasn’t sure how this man knew what he had been thinking, but he nodded. 

“It’s called a liminal space. It’s theorized that we feel odd in them, or uncomfortable if you will, because we are so used to seeing places like these filled with people. To see them so bare is upsetting in a way.” 

“Oh. Um, neat?” Virgil hadn’t been an assassin long, but he was fairly sure exchanges weren’t supposed to go like this. Instead of being given a target, it felt like he was being taught a lesson. 

Logan shook his head. “But I suppose you aren’t here to be given a lecture. You must forgive me, I used to be a teacher.”

A teacher? What kind of teacher hired a killer?

“Let us discuss what you actually came here for.” Logan turned to the right (Virgil’s left). “Come with me.” 

Virgil followed the man into the hallway. As they walked, Virgil took a closer look at the barren cubicles. It was certainly unnerving, to say the least, despite Logan’s explanation. He tried to ignore the sense of unease while he walked a few paces behind the tall man. 

“Through here. Don’t mind the broom closet. There is nothing there.” Logan directed, making a turn into a narrower hallway. 

_ What’s in the broom closet that he would tell me to ignore it out of nowhere? _ Virgil thought. He tried to ignore the anxieties that came with unanswered questions. 

Finally, Logan stopped before a door labelled ‘430’. He knocked on it five times before pulling it open and gesturing for Virgil to enter. 

Virgil raised an eyebrow. “Uh, can I ask what the knocking was about?”

The bespectacled man shrugged. “I’m afraid it’s a habit.”

“I see.” Virgil wasn’t sure if he liked this man. He was certainly strange. But Virgil walked into the room nonetheless. Logan followed, locking the door behind him. 

“Have a seat.” Logan gestured to a small table in the centre of the room. 

Virgil sat in one of the chairs, blinking to adjust his eyes to the single lightbulb that hung from the ceiling. Logan took a seat in the other, directly across from Virgil. 

“So, Virgil.” Logan began. “This job will be a little different than what you’re used to.”

“...How so?”

“Well, for one. I’d rather you not kill the target.”

Virgil must not have heard correctly. “I’m sorry, could you repeat that?”

“I’d appreciate if the target was kept alive.” Logan repeated. 

Ah. So the man was just crazy. This was  _ definitely _ not what was supposed to happen in these exchanges. 

“Dude, do you know who you hired?”

“I am perfectly aware, thank you.” There was a beat of silence. “You see, I have a coworker. His name is Roman Hahn. He is one of my worst pet peeves.”

“You mean he does things that are your pet peeves?”

“No, he is my pet peeve. He continually gets on my nerves and intentionally disagrees with everything I say to irritate me and cause problems.” Logan sighed. “I’d like you to ruin his day. Repeatedly.”

“Ruin his day?”

“Just become a terrible annoyance. Park behind his car, walk slowly in front of him, pretend to talk loudly on your phone, play annoying music that will get stuck in his head, anything.”

Virgil blinked a couple of times. “I must say, that’s really weird… I’m a hitman? I kill people? Why didn’t you just hire a normal person?”

“Most people aren’t willing to take time out of their days to ruin someone else’s.”

“I mean I guess so, but still-”

“Do you want the job or not?” 

Virgil considered for hardly a moment. “Yes.”

* * *

“How the hell did my keys get out here?” Roman; however, did not have time to wonder how his car keys appeared on his front lawn, when he was almost certain he left them on his front porch just a few minutes ago. A stupid mistake, sure, but one would think if they were stolen, the thief woud actually…  _ take _ them. Instead of just leaving them on the lawn. Regardless, Roman had no time to worry about that, as he had just spent the few minutes he had to drive to work searching for his keys, and now he was late. He got into his car and started the ignition, grumbling about how his day had already been ruined. It was bad enough the hair salon in his neighbourhood closed down earlier that week, and now he was going to have to find some other place to get his hair done so it would always look flawless. On top of that, he chipped a nail that morning, ruining the gold french tips and causing him to be running late in the first place as he attempted to fix it. Losing his keys was just one more inconvenience he did not care for. 

He got to work almost five minutes late. He worked a boring office job, but normally he got through it by keeping his head up and putting on a smile. Already in a bad mood, however, he knew the day was not going to be pleasant. 

He decided to not bother his boss with the excuse, knowing she wouldn’t find ‘his keys disappearing to his front lawn’ a viable reason for being late. And she was not a woman to be trifled with. It was best to just keep his head down and not say anything. 

Taking a seat at his desk and starting up his computer, he noticed his coworker Logan, on the other side of the office (They shared a single office room), who seemed to be texting someone. Roman was in such a bad mood that he couldn’t hardly find it in himself to tease his coworker. Normally he’d make some joke or badger Logan about being too serious, but all in good fun. However, today he couldn’t even bring himself to pester the man about who he was texting. Not that it mattered, but Logan’s annoyance only fueled Roman’s desire to get him to liven up. 

Roman didn’t say anything, though. He just sat down and got to work. 

* * *

“That’s him?” Virgil asked. The man didn’t really look all that annoying. 

“Yes, that’s Roman.” Logan replied. 

The two of them were a few houses away, but still close enough that they could see the man in question placing a set of keys on his porch railing and then turning to walk back into his house as thought he’d forgotten something. 

“And just to check,” Virgil sighed. “You want me to ruin his day?”

“Annoy the figurative living hell out of him.” Logan confirmed. 

“So what do you want me to do? Just take his keys or something?” 

“That’s a start.”

Virgil was still not entirely sure this wasn’t a joke. 

“I have to get to work, you can message me later if you need any other ideas.” Logan said, turning to leave. 

“Right.” Virgil replied dryly. This was certainly one hell of a weird job. 

Logan left and Virgil began to walk closer to Roman’s house. It was normal enough, maybe a little too decorative, but nothing extremely out of the ordinary. It was cream white with two stories and a wooden front porch with two pillars forming a gateway in front of the door. There was a set of chairs and a small table with some coasters on it on the left side of the porch, with one of the chairs in the sunlight and the other under the shade of the balcony. The porch fence served as a railing, which happened to be where Roman’s keys were lying. 

Virgil felt a bit stalker-ish as he crept closer to Roman’s house. He stepped onto the bottom step of the porch and made to grab the keys. He didn’t like stealing, which was odd, since he was an assassin, but he consoled himself by thinking that Roman really shouldn’t have left his keys outside if he really didn’t want them stolen anyway. Horrible reasoning, really, but Virgil preferred to be paid than worry over the ethics of stealing.

Realizing he didn’t have much time before Roman left the house again, he clutched the keys tightly to eliminate sound and dashed around to the side of the house. Unfortunately, his grip wasn’t quite tight enough and he realized he dropped the keys just as he heard the door to Roman’s house opening. The man looked frustrated to begin with, but his annoyance grew when he realized his keys were no longer where he’d left them. 

“Are you kidding me!?” He shouted, looking around frantically to see if they’d fallen off the railing. He searched every one of his pockets and sighed angrily when he still couldn’t find them. “I swear I left them right here…” He muttered, scratching his head. “Whatever. I don’t have time to deal with this. I guess I’ll just walk.”

Virgil watched as he began to walk out onto the street, cutting through his grass. He was going to find his keys, unless he lacked any ounce of observation skills. And sure enough, he glanced down for a moment and saw the keys laying in the grass. 

_ Dammit… _ Virgil thought.  _ Well at least I slowed him down. That will annoy him.  _

Roman, after picking up his keys and exclaiming about the absurdity of their new location, started his car and drove off. It took Virgil a couple of seconds to realize that he would most likely have to follow him and continue to annoy him. 

“So I guess I’m really doing this, huh.” He half asked the ground. He rolled his eyes and left Roman’s property to follow him. While he walked, he pulled out his phone and messaged Logan. 

**Virgil Jordan:** _ hey hes heading to wherevr you work now but i made sure hes late  _

**Logan Holter:** _ Excellent. Follow him and find something else to annoy him with, but be careful not to disturb anyone else.  _

**Virgil Jordan:** _ aight will do _

**Logan Holter:** _ I fail to see the point in your lack of punctuation and grammatical accuracy, especially considering the majority of modern cellular devices possess the autocorrect function, but do as you will I suppose.  _

**Virgil Jordan:** _ i turned it off cuz it was annoying and alsp im walking rn and its bright ny textings noy gonna be perfect dude _

**Logan Holter:** _ I see.  _

Virgil closed the texting app and pocketed his phone. He wouldn’t be able to catch up with Roman’s car on foot, but he knew the general direction he was heading in and decided to start that way.

While he walked, he attempted to think of something else to do to annoy this dude. Nothing too serious, Logan had just said to ruin his day. He’d already looked pretty pissed off, but Virgil guessed Logan must have really hated this guy to hire an actual assassin to annoy him. 

He supposed he could do something to his car while he was at work. Probably not damage it, since he was just supposed to irritate Roman, not cost him hundreds of dollars (if not more). But perhaps he’d figure something out. 

* * *

“Are you serious?! What is going on today?” Roman whispered angrily, about ready to tear his own hair out. 

He saw Logan look up at him in his peripheral. “Is something the matter, Roman?” 

For a moment Roman thought his coworker looked a tiny bit… smug? No, no, surely not. He was probably imagining things in his anger. “I got locked out of my Google account and it’s not letting me recover my password.”

Logan thought for a minute before asking, “Have you changed your password recently?”

“No I haven’t. I know I probably should, but I have a hard enough time remembering even one-”

Logan sighed. “Well there’s your issue. You’ve probably been hacked. How secure was your password?”

Roman thought for a minute. He had set it to his birthdate, hoping it would be easy to remember. “I mean it was just a bunch of numbers… They weren’t random numbers but-”

“It was a date, I imagine?”

“No…” Roman lied obviously. 

Logan got up from his desk chair. “I’ve told you, you should set passwords that are extremely difficult to decode.” He walked over to Roman’s desk and lightly pushed the latter’s chair away from the computer while he was still sitting in it. “Let me fix it.”

“Hey- oh. Thanks.” 

Logan began typing away on the keyboard, and pulling up windows that Roman didn’t even know existed. Roman noticed the focused expression on the other man’s face as well as what was definitely smugness now. 

“You know it’s really not that funny. It’s not like tons of other people get in the same situation all the time or anything.” Roman rolled his eyes. 

Logan however, smirked even more obviously. “Sure, but it’s not like you use a computer every day for your career or anything.” He replied in the same sarcastic tone. 

“Yeah, well-” Except Roman couldn’t think of a comeback. “Ugh, fine you win, Calculator Watch.”

* * *

Virgil, after spreading shaving cream over the windows of Roman’s car, had decided to wait for four hours on a park bench nearby the building where Roman and Logan worked. A very intelligent idea, indeed. At the very least, he would be able to see when Roman left the office for his lunch break and could follow him to mess something else up. 

However, from where he was sitting, he had a perfect view through the window of what he presumed to be Roman and Logan’s office. And oh, wasn’t that a sight to watch. Roman seemed to be having issues with his computer, and was getting frustrated, until Logan got up and went to fix it for him. And Logan looked very, very smug. Except it didn’t stop there. For Logan being annoyed by this guy, it really didn’t show when every time the other man complained about something on his screen, Logan stopped what he was doing to go and fix it. Admittedly, he seemed to make fun of Roman for it, judging by the other man’s offended expressions, but Roman seemed to tease Logan as well. Essentially, Virgil began to think that Logan was less  _ annoyed _ by this dude, and perhaps the word  _ flustered _ fit better. 

Once, just after Logan sat back down and turned back to his own computer, Virgil shot him a text that read:

**Virgil Jordan:** _you having fun flirting with your bf?_

**Logan Holter:** _ If you are referring to Roman, I’ll have you know, he and I are  _ _ not _ _ in a relationship.  _

**Virgil Jordan:** _ uh huh and thats why you just turned the colour of a tomato  _

**Logan Holter:** _??? Where are you? _

**Virgil Jordan:** _ thats irrelevant. you should probably answer your ‘not boyfriend’ _

  
  
  


Roman felt a little better since earlier that morning, and he noticed that Logan was on his phone messaging someone again. Except, this time, Logan’s face was flushed red and he seemed to be ducking his head in embarrassment. Now Roman  _ really _ had to find out who he was texting. 

“Ooh, who’s texting the Pocket Protector and more importantly, who’s making him blush?” Roman winked with a raised eyebrow. 

But that only made Logan go redder. “No one…” He muttered, turning back to his computer screen. 

“Aw, don’t worry I wouldn’t tell anyone. You know me.” Roman tried.

Logan rolled his eyes. “I  _ do  _ know you, and you would tell everyone you knew and then strangers on the street when you ran out of people you’ve met once in a walmart.”

“Aha! So you admit there is someone!” The red-haired man shouted triumphantly. 

Logan sighed. “I admitted no such thing. Now if you excuse me, there is work to be done.” He began typing at his own keyboard. 

Roman gave a long, dramatic sigh. “Fine, keep your love life a mystery, even though mystery loves company.” 

Logan blinked and stopped typing. “The phrase is- Oh nevermind you don’t care anyway.” He shook his head and resumed his typing. He was able to continue working, but it had only been about five minutes before he glanced up to see Roman hadn’t moved. 

“What?” He asked, as though he’d forgotten the conversation. 

“You really aren’t going to tell me?” Roman prompted. 

“No, of course not!” However, the strange thing that Logan had begun to realize, was that he really wasn’t as annoyed as he probably should have been. Normally by this time of day, he’d be nearly ready to commit some regrettable acts in regards to his coworker’s antics, but for some reason, he didn’t feel that same sense of irritation that morning. Mentally, he attempted to understand a reason for such a thing, but was baffled when nothing came to him. Only a day ago, he had been agitated to the point of hiring a professional killer to get revenge. Not to kill him, although it was briefly considered. So, why was he ‘chill’ with it now? Was his hiring effective? Had Roman been so bothered earlier in the morning that he simply wasn’t annoying Logan as much? Not that that would be effective long-term anyway, considering he had already gone right back to his regular harassments.

Logan had become so caught up in his pondering, that he hadn’t even noticed he’d completely zoned out. 

“Hello? Earth to Logan?” Roman had apparently been trying to get Logan’s attention. 

“Yes Roman? Did you need something?” Logan snapped out of his stupor. 

“You uh, kinda spaced. Are you alright?” Roman seemed genuinely concerned, which was a bit out of character for him. 

“Of course. I was merely entranced in thought.”

“What were you thinking about?”

Logan shook his head. “Nothing of importance.”

Roman raised an eyebrow. “It’s been over fifteen minutes! Surely there must be some significance.”

Logan didn’t respond at first. Maybe Roman was right, but why was Logan so concerned in the first place? Roman stopped bothering him, he should be enjoying it while it lasts. So why was he still thinking about it? They were just coworkers, they hardly even knew each other outside of work, and yet, Logan found himself unable to deviate from thought of the man. 

“No, it’s really nothing.” 

Roman rolled his eyes to show that he didn’t buy it, but turned back to his own desk. The rest of the time until noon passed relatively smoothly, without much talking on either end. When the hour came for a lunch break, Roman had been about to leave on his way to Starbucks when he stopped halfway through the door.   
“Hey, Lo.” Roman began, turning back to face Logan. “Do you want to get lunch with me?”

“What?” 

“Would you care to join me and dine a magnificent feast?” Roman tried again. 

Logan blinked several times. “No, no I heard you -and you made it worse the second time- but, why?”

Roman shrugged. “I don’t know. You just eat here everyday, and that must get boring. I thought you might like some company.”

Now that was odd. First Roman had stopped getting on his nerves, now he was acting as though they were… friendly? Logan didn’t really have friends, and he wasn’t exactly keen on Roman being his first. 

“No, that’s quite alright, Roman. I’ll stay here.”

Roman hovered for a moment in the doorway, as if waiting for the man to change his mind, but after a moment nodded and left. Logan turned and opened his tupperware container which contained a single sandwich and a salad. While he ate, he continued to wonder why Roman was acting nice all of a sudden. 

_ What is wrong with me today? I can’t seem to think of anything other than Roman… _

* * *

Virgil walked into Starbucks just minutes after Roman, but luckily, his target had stopped to chat with a blonde man in round glasses at one of the tables before going to stand in line. Which gave him enough time to get there first. 

He walked past Roman and Glasses Guy on his way to the queue of customers. As if on cue, Roman left Glasses Guy to stand in line behind Virgil. 

_ Perfect, _ He thought, counting the people in front of him.  _ Once I go to order, I’ll stall until he gets annoyed by the wait.  _ But by the time the people in front of him had finished ordering and he stepped up to the counter, he was taken off guard by the barista, who was rather attractive. 

“Well  _ hello _ there, what can I get for you?” The man purred, resting his elbows on the counter and leaning forward. 

“Uh… C-can… um…” Virgil was lost for words because ‘ _ this dude is hot, and I am very, very gay _ ’ but fortunately, or perhaps unfortunately, Roman of all people came to the rescue. 

“I believe he’s trying to say he’d like an order of your number, sir.” Roman flashed Virgil a grin and Virgil simply blushed, absolutely stunned. 

The barista gave a sly grin and said, “Oh, well then it’s a shame we’re actually out of that right now.” He grabbed a pen and an empty cup and scribbled something on the side. “But, if you give me your name, I can let you know when we restock.”

“O-oh. Um, Virgil…” He stuttered, still dumbfounded at the situation. 

“Virgil, huh?” The man repeated, letting the name roll on his tongue. “That’s a pretty name. How about you tell me what your order of coffee is and maybe I’ll say it again after my shift at 7?”

“Y-yeah, okay sure, 7 then.” Virgil tried to concentrate on smiling while simultaneously making sure his knees didn’t collapse from under him. “I’ll take just a tall black coffee, thanks.”

“Wonderful.” He turned and began to make Virgil’s drink. “Remy! Come here, there totally  _ aren’t _ people waiting here!” He shouted to someone in the back room. 

Virgil stepped out of line as a man in sunglasses walked up to the counter from the other side and began to talk to Roman. The assassin tried to process what exactly had just happened. He had gotten a date? With a hot guy? With the help of Roman? Logan had made it sound like Roman was this horribly annoying guy who never shut up, but he actually seemed really nice?

He heard the handsome barista call his name and took his drink with a nervous half-smile. He began to take a sip when he noticed the cursive handwriting on the cup. 

_ See you at 7 - Janus _

There was a phone number written just beneath the name. Janus. So that was his name. Virgil smiled to himself but tried to hide it by taking a drink of his coffee. When he looked up, he saw Roman walking back to the table with Glasses Guy and began to make his way over there. Glasses Guy must have made a joke or something because Roman laughed at something he’d said upon arrival. Virgil stepped up to the table timidly and said, “Hey, I uh, wanted to thank you for earlier.” He rubbed the back of his neck nervously. “That was cool of you, Roman.”

“Hey, no problem- Wait, how do you know my name?”

_ Shit. _

“Oh- um… You see…” Virgil stammered. He’d really messed up now. He supposed it was best to just tell him the truth. He did kind of owe him anyway. “I may or may not have been hired to kill you, except not actually kill you, I’m just supposed to annoy you because I’m pretty sure Logan has a crush on you, and so I followed you to Starbucks and was going to take forever ordering but then I got distracted by the hot guy and then you were really nice and now I feel bad-”

“Woah, woah slow down there.” Roman held up his hands to shush the man. Meanwhile, Glasses Guy looked on in shock. “You were hired to do what now?”

“Kiddo, why don’t you take a seat and tell us what’s going on.” Glasses Guy said soothingly. “Slowly.”

“Exactly. Let’s all start over.” Roman gestured for Virgil to sit down, and continued once he did so. “I’m Roman, which you seem to know. He’s Patton-” He gestured at the man in glasses, who waved cheerfully. “-and you must be Virgil, right?”

“R-right.”

“Alright,” Roman began, setting his drink down on the table. “Who hired you?”

Virgil fidgeted nervously. There was most certainly going to be repercussions for this. “Logan Holter. He’s your coworker.”

Roman blinked in surprise. “Logan? What did he hire you for?”

“He hired me to… annoy you.”

Roman and Patton stared at Virgil curiously. 

“He said you annoy him at work or something so he wanted me to ruin your day as revenge.”

Roman furrowed his brow as though putting two and two together. “Wait, were you the one who moved my keys this morning?”

Virgil fiddled with his sleeves before answering, “Uh yeah… I was going to steal them, but my anxiety kicked in and I couldn’t do it.” He looked away shamefully. “Sorry about that…”

Roman looked very angry for a second, but sighed and shook his head. “Don’t worry about it.” He paused, but then his anger seemed to return. “Wait! Did you also cover my car in shaving cream?” 

“Um, maybe? Again, I feel bad now, Logan made it sound like you were a jerk, but you’re really not…” 

“Did you hack me too?”

“Hack you? No? I don’t know how to do that.”

“Oh.” Roman’s anger once again dissipated. “Well then I guess I do need to change my password more often anyway.”

“Again, I’m so sorry I just needed the job and I didn’t realize you’re actually a cool guy.”

Patton watched Roman nervously as though worried he would make a rash decision in his anger, but seemed to relax after Virgil’s continuous apologies. 

“Okay so, Logan is paying you to ruin my day, but…” Roman looked away. “Do I really annoy him that much?”

“No, kiddo I’m sure he doesn’t-”

“He hired a professional, Patton!”

“Actually I’m not a professional.” Virgil muttered. 

The other two turned back to him. 

“Well, I'm kinda an assassin slash hitman kind of person? But I’ve never actually killed anyone yet…”

“Oh kiddo, what on Earth made you want to be a killer?” Patton asked sympathetically with a bit of worry, lowering his voice. 

“Well, actually it’s a long story…” Virgil mumbled weakly. 

“Oh shit-” Roman cried. “I have to get back to work. Pat, I’ll meet you home at 5.” He grabbed his now empty cup and rose from his seat. “Why don’t you take Virgil to the house and you two can finish talking there. I’ll see you later.” And with that, he tossed his cup into a trash bin and left the store. 

~

Walking back into the office, Roman avoided Logan like the plague. Normally, he’d make a joke or at least say ‘hi’, but now he couldn’t even bring himself to look over at his coworker. He felt… hurt? He knew he shouldn’t, but he had thought that he and Logan had been at least acquaintances, friends at best. But apparently he had just been an annoyance. He couldn’t bring himself to be angry though. It wasn’t as if Logan owed him his friendship. They were just coworkers. That was all.

Logan seemed to notice his mood change, however, and looked over at him curiously. “Are you alright Roman? You seem upset.”

Roman didn’t answer at first. It wasn’t like Logan cared anyway. But after the bespectacled man didn’t go back to his work, Roman shrugged. “It’s fine. Don’t worry about it.”

“Are you certain? This is quite the attitude shift from when you left.” Logan looked almost… concerned? No, no surely not. “Did something happen?”

“No I’m fine, Mr. Holter.”

Logan looked taken aback. “Mr. Holter? What’s this about?”

“I’ve realized I’ve been too unprofessional and ‘distracting’.” Roman said coldly. “Clearly I need to keep in mind that we’re nothing but coworkers.”

“What are you- What are you talking about?”

“Nothing. Don’t worry about it.” And with that, he turned and focused on typing something on his computer. He was fine, he didn’t need Logan’s ‘sympathy’. They were just coworkers. Nothing more. 

* * *

“Wait, you live here too? I thought it was just Roman.” Virgil admitted, as he and Patton turned the corner and began to walk up the driveway to the same property he’d trespassed on earlier. 

“Yup!” Patton chirped. “Roman and I have been friends since highschool.” Patton pulled out his keys and unlocked the front door. “We’ve lived together as roommates ever since.” Patton made to set the keys on the porch railing, but Virgil grabbed his arm to stop him. 

“Don’t leave those there.” Patton gave him a confused look. “Just… Someone could take them.”

Patton just chuckled. “Ah kiddo, it’s okay. No one around here would steal them. I like to see the best in everyone.” He smiled though, and didn’t leave the keys anyway. “But if it makes you feel better, I’ll leave them inside.” 

He led Virgil inside and told him to sit down on the sofa. “You just wait here, I’ll be back in a second.” Virgil looked around the room while he waited for Patton to return. It was a nice house, and it had a cozy vibe. It was one of those houses that made you feel like you were home. There was a coffee table in the living room, only a few feet from the sofa, and a half-completed LEGO Disney castle sat on top. The box and instructions were lying on the floor nearby, as though construction had been suddenly halted. His eyes drifted to an electric fireplace that looked like it hadn’t been used for a year, which made sense as it was only nearing autumn. Photographs with exquisite frames sat above the mantle. The left-most one seemed to be a graduation photo. Virgil recognized Roman’s bright red hair and the blonde man next to him who looked like a younger version of Patton. The only thing that hadn’t seemed to age was their smiling faces, for they looked just as happy as they had in the Starbucks before Virgil had… Well before he’d gotten himself into deep trouble. It was surprising neither Roman nor Patton had seemed particularly angry, at least not anymore, and had seemed almost sympathetic, but Virgil wasn’t sure how Logan would react. He most certainly wouldn’t be paid, but that wasn’t really what Virgil was worried about. 

Virgil had a tendency to ‘disappoint’ people. Or so he thought, anyway. It was silly, he knew, but he felt like he was disappointing Logan by telling Roman about the situation. It was ridiculous. Disappointing a stranger? It wasn’t like Logan was going to punish him, or like ruining Roman’s day was his life dream or anything. Although… He did seem a little too excited to annoy the guy. Which was odd, Roman seemed nice enough, so what was Logan’s deal? Was it really just annoyance, or did it go deeper than that?

Virgil looked on to the photo in the centre, which appeared to be of Patton, Roman, someone with dyed pink hair whom Virgil didn’t recognize, and one of the guys from Starbucks, Remy. It seemed to be a Christmas picture and the four people were smiling on the same sofa Virgil sat on now. They all wore knitted christmas sweaters and their arms were linked around each other’s shoulders. It looked as though it was more recent, as they looked much closer to their current appearances than in the graduation photo. 

The last photo on the right was of Roman and someone who looked very similar to Roman, enough that they could be related. They shared the same red hair and basic build, but the person to Roman’s left had a mustache and bright amber eyes which contrasted Roman’s jade green ones. His smile was a bit more maniacal as well, like he was  _ too _ excited about something one shouldn’t be excited about, whereas Roman’s was soft at the same time it was confident. The background proved to be a lake of some sort which explained the water dripping from Roman’s hair. The unknown man was standing on a boating dock and had an arm outstretched, which was clasped with Roman’s and seemed to be pulling him out of the water. Virgil couldn’t tell if Roman had simply fallen off the dock or if he was pushed, but they seemed to be laughing about it either way. The sun was setting behind them and the sky was pink and orange. 

He was trying to remember when he had last experienced joy like in the photos, when the sound of a plate crashing and something metal clattering to the floor in another room made him jump about four feet in the air. He leapt to his feet and ran in the direction of the noise, worried someone, namely Patton, could be hurt. He skidded to a stop and found himself in a kitchen, where Patton was trying to collect a batch of cookies off the tiled floor along with a metal tray, all while avoiding a shattered ceramic dish. 

The man with glasses looked up at Virgil and smiled despite the mess. “Oh hey, kiddo! I just dropped a couple of things, don’t worry.”

“Do you… need any help?” Virgil figured it was the least he could do to repay Patton’s kindness. 

Patton picked up the last of the floor cookies and set them and the tray on the marble counter. “Sure if you don’t mind. Do you wanna grab me the broom from that closet down the hall?”

Virgil nodded and turned to retrieve the broom. When he returned, Patton had grabbed a rag and had begun scrubbing some stray cookie crumbs off the floor. “Here, I’ll trade you.” He handed Virgil the rag and took the broom and dustpan in exchange. Beginning to sweep up the shattered plate, he said, “I was trying to take my cookies out of the oven since they finished cooking while I was gone, but I dropped everything when I tried to move them to the plate from the tray.” He smiled reassuringly as he let the shards slide off the dustpan into the trash. “Sorry if I spooked ya.”

Virgil shook his head. “No, no it’s fine.” He insisted while trying to catch his breath. “Who were you making cookies for?”

Patton took the rag back from Virgil (who hadn’t really known what to do with it) and tossed it into the sink. “No one in particular. I usually try to keep some in a cookie jar for when Roman’s upset or when my little nieces and nephew come to visit.”

“Oh I see.” Virgil didn’t get emotional often, but Patton was really just too pure not to love. 

“So do you want to tell me what made you become a killer?”

Virgil stiffened. He had almost forgotten why he was there. “Well…”

Patton took his hand and led him out of the kitchen and back to the sofa. They sat down and Patton motioned for Virgil to continue. 

“Well, my dad kinda did the same thing, except he was much better at it.” After Patton gave an encouraging smile, Virgil cleared his throat and kept going. “After my mom left us, he wasn’t sure what else to do to keep us going. Admittedly, literally any other career would have been better, but he’s in jail now. It’s a little hard to sympathize with him for… murder, but he did what he could. He trained me a bit in ‘the art of assassination’ as he called it, and so I know  _ how _ to kill a person, but I’ve never actually had the courage to do it before. I’ve been able to keep myself going off of what he made us over the years, but I knew I would have to take a job at some point. I didn’t want to, but I don’t really have any schooling after high school. I figured it would be best to start small with some random person, instead of a big political figure.”

“So Logan hired you then?” Patton looked a cross between concerned and oddly… angry. 

“Right.” Virgil answered. “I thought he’d hire me to kill him, but he said he just wanted me to annoy him.”

“I see.” Patton gritted his teeth. “Well Virgil, how about you bring Logan here and we have a chat with him and Roman once they get off work. I have a few words for one of them.”

“Yeah, I’ll do that.” Virgil felt a weight lift off his shoulders. He had been nervous that Patton was angry at him, despite how rightfully so it would have been, but it seemed Patton was angry at Logan instead. Well, it was probably Logan, he hadn’t actually specified, but Virgil doubted Roman had done anything to agitate Patton. 

~

Patton couldn’t believe this. He didn’t get angry often, but hurting his kiddos crossed the line. He was already upset with Logan. Roman had trusted him as a friend, and Patton had sneaking suspicions that he saw his coworker as even more than a friend, but Logan was apparently completely apathetic. Of course, Patton only knew of what happened at their office from Roman’s stories, but it had seemed like the two had had a casual acquaintanceship at least. He knew Roman respected Logan a great deal, though he did wish he was a little more light-hearted. And he knew Roman definitely considered them friends, and couldn’t imagine how he must have been feeling. To know someone you thought was your friend didn’t care about you at all, and in fact only saw you as a bother? It must  _ hurt _ . 

But on top of that, he was even more infuriated by Virgil’s family. What kind of parent walks out on their child? And worse, what kind of parent encourages their child to kill? He could understand being willing to do anything to keep them safe, but teaching them to murder was extreme. It was cruel, taking away any hope for them to have a decent life by leaving them no other option. No child should go through life thinking taking someone’s life was okay-

“Patton?” Virgil looked worried. “A-are you alright?” Patton relaxed his jaw and shook his head to rid himself of the thoughts. There was no use being negative. 

“Yes, kiddo I’m fine.” He tried to muster up a smile.

“Are you sure? You were shaking.”

Patton sighed. “I’m just upset, kiddo. Upset at the world.”

The other man nodded. “I’m always upset at the world. I wish we lived in a place where there weren't things like money and anxiety. It would make living a lot easier.”

“Yeah it would.” Patton stood up suddenly and smiled down at Virgil. “How about we re-bake that batch of cookies? Maybe it’ll help us relax.”

Virgil looked confused for a moment but gave a small smile back and stood up as well. “Sure, sounds great.”

Patton grinned. “You’ll have to tell me if they deserve a standing oven-ation.” Virgil chuckled, his mood lightening a little.

* * *

Okay. Roman was definitely acting strangely. Stranger than normal. Logan just couldn’t understand why. 

_ Did Virgil do something worse this time? _ He thought when Roman nearly stapled his finger and didn’t even flinch.  _ No, he’d most likely be more frustrated than grieved. _

_ Was it something I said? _ He wondered when Roman didn’t even bother to fix his hair when it had gotten extremely tousled by the wind from the open window.  _ No, he was fine when he left for lunch but was upset when he returned. _

It was when Roman didn’t even insist on singing along to the Disney song someone had played in another room, that Logan had had enough. Sure he’d wished for a little less distraction while he worked, but this was too far and clearly something was bothering Roman. 

“Roman? Are you sure you’re okay?” Logan set down his pen and notepad to give his coworker his full attention. “You’re not even singing along to “A Whole New World”, and if I’m remembering correctly, you quite enjoy the film  _ Aladdin _ .”

Roman looked a bit like he was on the verge of snapping and all his emotions would come figuratively tumbling out. He inhaled sharply and turned his attention to Logan.

“I don’t know Mr. Holter.” His tone might as well have been covered with a fresh layer of snow and a sheet of ice hidden underneath for how cold it was. “Could it be the fact that you hired an  _ assassin _ to, what? Get revenge? Well I’m sorry I’m such an annoyance to you.”

Logan’s jaw dropped. “Roman, I…”

“Save it.”

So Virgil had told him then. Logan could hardly say he blamed him. Virgil didn’t really seem like the type to go out of his way to inconvenience others. It was a wonder he could take lives so easily. Logan had tried not to think about that. How did he, a former teacher, go from watching children’s eyes light up as they learned about the world around them to hiring a professional killer to ruin his coworker’s day? Thinking back, Logan couldn’t even remember a time where Roman had really,  _ truly _ grieved him. It was no wonder Roman was so upset, Logan had, quite frankly, been a real jerk. At  _ best _ .

“Roman, I’m… I apologize. It was not my intention to hurt you.” Logan took a breath. “A phenomenon known as cognitive distortion had me believing that your goal was to do nothing but make my work experience unpleasant and deviate my attention from important tasks. I now see this was not the case and I offer you my sincerest apologies.”

Roman stayed silent but didn’t move. After a few moments, he exhaled and rested his head in his hand. “You know Logan, that’s the problem. You can’t help but sound like a damn robot, and apparently you have about as much empathy as one too.” He sat back up and turned to face Logan completely. “But you know what, that’s part of what I liked about you.”

Logan stared back, utterly bewildered.

“You  _ do _ take things seriously. I’ll admit, I sometimes get a little carried away when it comes to being a little less down in the dumps and I can get really off track.” Roman took a deep breath and ran a hand through his hair. “Sometimes it’s nice to have someone to bring me back down to Earth.”

“But we  _ are _ on Earth.” Logan stated confusedly.

“Yeah I-” Roman sighed. “It’s just an expression.”

Logan nodded. “I see.” He folded his hands into his lap. “Roman, I truly am really sorry. I don’t have any idea what I was thinking, and really this was just a huge waste of money.”

“Yeah, I really don’t understand why you did that. You’re probably on a few watchlists now.” Roman gave a hint of a smile.

There was a silence for a few minutes.

“Roman?”

“Yes, Logan?”

“Would you…” No this was silly. There was no way Roman would agree. “Would you like to start over? As friends?”

Roman’s eyes seemed to sparkle. “Really?”

“Yes, really.” Logan tried to smile. “Perhaps tomorrow we can get lunch together?”

“Ready to admit that your sandwich and salad is boring?” Roman gave a real grin now.

“Not in the slightest.” Logan smirked. “But perhaps a little variation in my diet wouldn’t do me too much harm.”

* * *

Logan heard his phone vibrate as he started his car and reached to silence it before realizing it was a message from Virgil. 

  
  


**Virgil Jordan:** _ hey meet me by romans house _

  
  


Logan made the quick assumption that Virgil wanted to tell him in person about revealing the mission to Roman.

  
  


**Logan Holter:** _ Of course. I will be there in approximately six minutes. _

**Virgil Jordan:** _ kk see you then _

  
  


As he’d predicted, it was about six minutes later when Logan pulled up to the very same corner as earlier that morning and saw Virgil standing sheepishly while looking at something on his phone and mouthing something to himself. After exiting his car, Logan walked over to where the man was standing and gave a curt nod in hello.

Virgil pocketed his phone and looked down with a sigh. “I… messed up.” He said quickly. “I told Roman about this whole thing because you made it sound like he was this awful person, but he’s actually a cool dude and I felt bad. I know you’re going to fire me or whatever anyway so I figured I just tell you why I’m not going to bug him anymore.”

Logan just smiled. “Mr. Jordan, I am not going to fire you. Actually I’m glad you told him.”

Virgil looked up so fast Logan feared he might get whiplash. “What? You are?”

“That is correct.” When Virgil still looked confused, Logan continued. “See, I made a terrible mistake. I don’t hate Roman, and frankly, he’s not as bad as I seemed to think he was at all. There was no malicious intent behind his actions, only I am in the wrong here.”

“So you’re not mad?”

“I am not mad, no.”

Virgil breathed an enormous sigh of relief. “Well, Patton -Roman’s roommate- said he wanted to talk to you.”

“Roman has a roommate?” Logan asked in surprise. “This is news to me.”

* * *

If there was one thing that could make Roman’s day a little better, it was the smell of Patton’s homemade cookies as he walked through the door.

“Heya, kiddo.” Patton stepped out of the kitchen and greeted Roman, slipping off his oven mitts. “Was your day any better after lunch?”

Roman shrugged. “I mean, it got a little worse, and then it got better so I guess it was okay.”

“D’you wanna talk about it over some cookies?”

“Yeah, I’d like that.”

~

Roman was halfway through his fourth cookie when the doorbell rang. He rushed to finish it off so he could get the door, but Patton beat him to it and he just ended up choking. After opening the door, Patton looked back and saw Roman coughing violently and rushed to help him, leaving the door open.

It must have been an odd sight for whoever had just shown up, to have been admitted entrance by a man who darted away a second later in attempt to aid another person whose red face matched his hair. In fact, it would have been rather embarrassing for the latter man to have been caught mid-suffocation, especially by someone he was trying to make a particularly good impression upon. 

After Roman had cleared his lungs enough to open his eyes, he looked up and saw Logan and Virgil standing in the doorway with concerned expressions. “Oh, hey Logan, Virgil. What a time-” He was cut off by a few more hacking coughs. “What a time for you to stop by!” He finished, blinking the tears out of his eyes. 

“Are- are you alright?” Virgil asked.

“Yeah I’m fine.” Roman assured, clearing his throat loudly. “Just got a little excited.” There was a moment where no one said anything until Roman jumped up. “Oh!” He gestured between the two bespectacled men. “Patton, this is Logan, and Logan, this is Patton.”

“It’s a pleasure to meet you, Patton.”

Patton looked between Logan and Roman in what appeared to be confusion. “Did…” He looked to Roman. “Did you two-”

“Oh yes, we worked it out.” Roman clarified. “We’re going to try to start over.”

“As friends.” Logan added, giving Roman a knowing smile.

Virgil ruined the moment by saying, “Good, ‘cause I totally ship you guys.” When everyone stared at him, he shrugged. “Just sayin’.”

“Aww yes you two would be so cute!” Patton squealed, his feelings of unease seemingly dissolved.

“W-what, no Roman and I aren’t dating.” Logan stammered, reddening slightly.

Roman nodded somewhat sadly. “Yeah. We’re just friends. That’s all.” And he was right. They were starting from the beginning. Just friends. Nothing more.


	2. Part 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here it is! Part 2 of this funky AU I'm doing is here!  
> TW: Lots and lots of cursing, inappropriate behaviour/language, more mentions of killing (I mean that's a bit obvious though, it's in the title), mentions of other violence, lots of me not knowing what the hell I'm doing.

Okay. Clothes? They were nice. Roman had borrowed him a nice shirt to wear (further proving that he was not a terrible person) and it was the perfect balance of casual and formal. Hair? It wasn’t too bad, it wasn’t gelled or anything, but it wasn’t nearly as messy as it could have been. Makeup? It was simple, but it looked good and made him look less tired. 

Virgil looked… great. And that was the thought of someone who had the self confidence of a walnut. It wasn’t often he put effort into his appearance, but it certainly paid off.

“Well, damn.” He muttered. “I gotta get dressed up more often. This isn’t so bad.” Though he much preferred to wear his hoodie, the nicer outfit gave him a bit of confidence he wasn’t sure he was used to. He’d have to thank Roman for the fifth time for the shirt and the makeup advice. But he didn’t have time to marvel in the mirror, he had only about fifteen minutes to get to… Well, Janus hadn’t really told him where they were meeting… He decided to text him. 

He pulled out his phone. And then _undecided_ to text him. His nervous levels skyrocketed while he stared at the number he had added to his contacts just a few hours ago. 

Thoughts like ‘ _What if he assumed that I would just meet him somewhere and thinks I’m stupid for texting him?_ ’ and ‘ _Or what if he was joking and he didn’t really want a date at all?_ ’ ran through his head as he clutched his phone. His hands began to shake and he went cold and hot at the same time. His vision had blurred and he didn’t even hear the thud of something hitting the floor or feel anything slipping out of his hands. His confidence from a minute ago had dissipated to make room for the loud anxious thoughts. It didn’t help that the day had already been a rollercoaster of emotions, which had weakened his stability.

The door behind him opened and he could just hear a soft “Hey kiddo, are you alright?” But Virgil could barely find it in himself to respond. He was going to be late and only because he couldn’t get himself together. Taking a few shaky breaths, he closed and tightened his fists for control.

“Virge?”

He closed his eyes tight and then reopened them while taking a final deep breath. _I’ve got this._ He told himself.

“Yeah, I’m fine, Pat.” He shook his head and turned to face Patton. “Just a little nervous is all.”

The blonde man smiled. “I get it, kiddo.” He offered Virgil a hand. “First dates can be scary.”

Virgil let Patton take his hand and felt a reassuring squeeze. There was something about Patton that eased worries and doubts, a sense of peace that came from his sweet smile and gentle aura. 

“I just wish I wasn’t such a wreck when it came to these things…” Virgil mumbled.

Patton took his other hand and pulled him into a light hug. It was enough for Virgil to feel safe while not constricted, unlike many of the hugs he’d received in the past. He normally felt trapped, but with Patton, he not only didn’t feel claustrophobic, he also felt comforted. Like a hug was supposed to be. 

By the time they had let go and Virgil had realized he’d dropped his phone onto the tile, he was almost late and would need to nearly sprint to get there on time. Assuming he was to go to the Starbucks at which they’d met. 

And sprint he did. It was a lucky thing that Patton and Roman lived so close to the shop, or he’d have been even more late. But thankfully, he arrived just minutes before 7.

* * *

Janus caught a glimpse of the caramel-coloured eyes that belonged to the pretty-named fellow as he took the last customer’s order. And to be frank, he couldn’t keep his eyes off him. The guy had been cute when Janus asked him out, but _damn_ did he clean up fine. His plum button-up suited him perfectly and went well with the dark violet of his hair. Janus quickly finished serving the customer and then rushed to the back room to change out his uniform. He hadn’t expected a date, (and really, it had been such a _fantastic_ idea to plan for one the second he got off work, but he was trying to be smooth and of course, the time when he would get to leave the Starbucks was the first to pop into his head) and he didn’t really have any fancy outfit ready. So he simply put his black jacket back over the yellow tee-shirt he was wearing. Not very elegant, but better than it could have been. 

Smoothing back his silky blonde hair, he smirked confidently at his reflection in the tinted window and then retreated back out into the store. He noticed Virgil sitting at one of the tables and fidgeting anxiously. Janus gave him a little wave once he looked up and joined him at the table.

“Virgiiiil!” He sing-songed.

The shorter man blushed slightly. “Hi.”

“Do you want anything to drink? I can get you something on the house.”

Virgil shook his head. “No, that’s okay.” He gave a small smile. “Thanks, though.”

Janus leaned onto the table, resting on his elbows. “So, Virgil. Where’re you from? I’ve never seen you around town before.”

Virgil paled slightly. “Well, I’m just from the other side of the city.”

“Ah, that would explain why I’ve never seen your pretty face before today.” Janus winked as the colour returned to Virgil’s face. “So, do you wanna do anything or just sit and talk?”

“Like what?”

“Well…” Janus began tracing circles on the table with his finger. “We could walk around outside or go and get real drinks if you wanted.”

Virgil seemed to relax a bit. “Sure, sounds great.” They left the Starbucks and Janus locked the doors behind them. There was a bar nearby that was nice enough so they headed in that direction.

“So what do you do for work?” Janus questioned, trying to keep the conversation going. When Virgil presented him with a confused (or perhaps worried?) look, he just shrugged. “I’m not curious at _all_.”

“Uh, well I…” Virgil tugged on his collar nervously.

“I mean you don’t have to tell me right now if it's that bad.”

Virgil gave a weak, yet gracious smile. “Sorry, I’m just new to this.”

Janus chuckled. “Don’t worry, hun. I’m _totally_ not nervous, too.”

“Well then, I guess we’re in the same boat.” That appeared to ease some of the tension and they relaxed a bit by the time they reached the bar.

They took a seat at the only open table near the back, avoiding eye contact with the sketchy group at the next table over.

“Can I buy you a drink?” Janus offered.

Virgil considered for a moment. “That would be nice.” And so Janus, leaving his date to continue avoiding the stares of the sketchy table’s residents, went to order drinks.

* * *

Roman tossed in his sleep quite a bit that night. In one day he’d flipped his view of his coworker back and forth like a see-saw, secured a date between two strangers, made friends with one of said strangers, and had found out his coworker/acquaintance/friend/crush(?) had hired a sort-of killer to annoy him. Not necessarily in that order. So needless to say, he was a little overwhelmed. Upon waking up from forty minutes of being half-asleep for the fifth time in a row, he decided to go and get some fresh air to clear his head. 

He stepped out onto the porch, gently closing the door behind him, and not even bothering to flick on the light. He took a seat on the far chair, the one that had sat in sunlight during the day. He supposed now was as good time as any to work out his feelings toward Logan.

They were, of course, starting over as friends, which Roman was over the moon about. And yet, despite that, there was a small part of him that craved something more. Was it love? A relationship similar to his own with Patton’s? That was the part Roman couldn’t figure out. Because even though the other man was stoic and, for lack of a better term, boring at times, Roman could still see the light in his eyes when he talked about space, or some computer science-y thing, and he noticed how he looked almost sad everyday when he ate his bland lunch alone in the office. And really, he just seemed lonely a lot of the time. He never once mentioned any family or friends and his desk was bare of any photographs. 

And to be frank? That broke Roman’s heart. He knew, of course, that many people preferred to live in solitude, but Roman himself couldn’t imagine how awful his life would be without people like Patton or his brother in it. Logan seemed like the type of person who one just _knew_ must have more depth to them.

On top of that, Roman just admired the man’s efficiency and ability to stay on task, and _boy_ was he smart. But even apart from all of that, he was just attractive. Which was what caused most of the confusion on whether it was a crush or just wanting a platonic bond.

Roman hadn’t realized how long he’d been thinking until he blinked open his eyes only to be blinded by the bright sun. It took him a minute before he realized that if the sun was this high, he-

“Shit! Not again!” He exclaimed, leaping up from his chair and dashing inside the house. He glanced quickly at the clock on the wall before rushing into the hallway toward his room. “Goddammit I’m going to be late again…” He only had about four minutes to get to work on time. After getting ready as quickly as humanly possible, he grabbed his keys and nearly sprinted out the door, letting it swing closed behind him.

By the time he opened the doors to his work building, he was almost ten minutes late. He was catching his breath when he looked up to see his boss standing a few paces ahead of him, and she did not look pleased.

“I’m so sorry Mrs. Conner, I can explain-” Roman began.

Mrs. Conner ignored him. “Mr. Hahn, this is the second time you have been late this week.” She crossed her arms over her chest. “Care to explain why?”

“Well, you see I-”

“Mrs. Conner, if I may?” Logan spoke up from where he apparently stood in the doorway of his shared office.

The small woman looked over at Logan. “Yes, Mr. Holter?”

“I…” Logan cleared his throat. “I believe it would be best to figuratively ‘let this one go’ this time. I can personally vouch that Mr. Hahn had a bit of a difficult day yesterday, and-” Logan suddenly seemed to push down his doubts. “I will take the fault for his lateness.”

Mrs. Conner raised an eyebrow and stayed silent for a moment. Then she snorted as though she couldn’t contain laughter anymore. “Holter, did you think I was going to fire him? Come on, have you met me?”

Logan and Roman both blinked in surprise. “Well, I am aware you are a very capable woman-” Logan started.

“Of course I’m capable! I wouldn’t have myself a wife or be in charge of all of you goofballs if I wasn’t capable.” This earned a few giggles from Roman and Logan’s other coworkers. “That doesn’t mean I’m stupid and willing to fire a valuable employee for being late twice.”

“I see.” Logan nodded.

“Just work on being on time, Roman.”

“Of course.” The red-haired man replied as his boss turned around and left for her own office. He lingered for a moment in slight disbelief. He didn’t really think he’d be fired, but he expected at least _some_ repercussions. But more importantly, _Logan had just been willing to give up his job for him..._ _What?_

He saw the man in question turn back into their office, and followed behind him. After sitting down at his desk, he let go of the breath he had been holding in subconsciously. “You didn’t have to do that, you know.”

“Hm?”

“What if I _did_ get fired or something? This isn’t your fault-”

Logan raised an eyebrow. “Roman, exactly what part of this isn’t my fault?”

Roman blinked, but then nodded. “Fair.” He shook his head slightly. “Still, you didn’t have to defend me like that.”

The bespectacled man rolled his eyes. “Don’t be ridiculous, as the saying goes, ‘That’s what friends are for.’”

“Whatever you say.” Roman smiled. “Thank you, though. I appreciate it.”

“Of course.” Logan looked to the side as though thinking. “Although, I am surprised there weren't any consequences. Mrs. Conner always seemed like the type of person to take things extremely seriously.”

“She called us goofballs.” Roman chuckled. “Is that serious in your world? Is that a serious person thing?”

“I suppose you have a point.” Logan returned with a slight smile.

And _that_ was the moment Roman realized his feelings toward Logan were certainly, absolutely, completely, 100%, most definitely… a crush. Because your _friend’s_ smile was not supposed to make your heart feel like a rubber mallet hammering around inside your chest. And that is exactly how Roman felt. Maybe it was the rarity of Logan smiling that made him react as such, or maybe it was because he looked adorable, but whichever it was, the man was sure now that his suspicions from earlier were right. Although, if he were being honest, he really wasn’t sure how to feel about this. Logan had only _just_ agreed to be friends, so why would he want anything more than that?

* * *

Patton paced back and forth in his living room with a growing sense of worry. Virgil had never returned from his date with the man called Janus the previous night, nor had he shown up the next morning. Of course, he wasn’t obligated to come, but Patton had expected at least some communication. It was now after 5 and the blonde man hadn’t even gotten a response to his texts. (They had exchanged numbers the night before.) He hadn’t known Virgil for very long, but he had already taken a liking to him, and he was worried. It didn’t seem like him to ignore messages. 

The worst part was, he hadn’t even the slightest idea of where to start looking for him if something was wrong. He didn’t know where he and Janus had gone, he had no clue of where Virgil _or_ Janus lived, and he didn’t even know Janus well enough to determine whether he was the kind of person to have done something to Virgil. All he knew him as was the barista at the Starbucks on his and Roman’s side of town. Did he have a kidnapping history? Or worse…? Patton didn’t know, and that _terrified_ him. His new friend could be tied up and gagged in a black van halfway across the country by now-

“Hey, Padre.” Roman shut the door behind him and frowned. “What’s wrong?”

Patton shook his head and tried to smile. “It’s nothing, kiddo. I’m just a little worried is all.”

Roman donned a concerned expression and walked over to his friend. “What are you worried about?”

Patton shook his head once again. “It’s nothing, Virgil’s probably just fine.”

The red-haired man took hold of his roommate's hands and said, “Patton, whatever it is, you can tell me.”

“I’m being silly.”

“I know you, and I know that you don’t worry unless you have a good reason. Did something happen to Virgil?”

Patton sighed. “No, I just haven’t seen him since he left for his date yesterday with that Starbucks guy.”

Roman thought for a moment. “Did he leave you any texts or messages?” Patton shook his head. “Well, maybe we can talk to Logan.”

Patton raised his eyebrows in surprise. “Logan?”

“Logan knew him at least a little longer than us.” Roman released Patton’s hands and began pacing in thought. “Maybe he knows where he lives or where he went?”

“I guess it’s worth a shot.”

Roman nodded. “I’ll call him.”

* * *

**_Earlier..._**  
  


“I said let me go!” Virgil shrieked, thrashing wildly.

“And _I_ said, ‘Like hell I will.’” Someone with a gruff voice replied, tightening the bonds around Virgil’s wrists.

Janus hissed from beside him. “Whatever you want him for, take me instead and let him go!”

Gruff Voice laughed sickeningly and spat, “Idiot, I need your boyfriend, not you.”

“Then why the fuck are you taking him?” Virgil shouted, still squirming. 

“Are you stupid?” Gruff Voice demanded. “He’s a witness! He would have noticed you missing.”

“Go fuck yourself, I wouldn’t have told anyone.” Janus seethed.

Gruff Voice didn’t buy it. “Oh, bullshit. Like you wouldn’t have run right down to the local police station and cried to the officers that your boyfriend was taken.”

Virgil’s jaw dropped. “Are you kidding me?” He snapped at Janus. Janus, however, ignored him.

“I would have kept quiet.” The man in yellow swore. “You don’t know me.”

With grit teeth, Gruff Voice shoved the two men onto the floor. “Well, you’re here now and I’m not letting you go.” And with that, Gruff Voice slammed the doors of the storage part of the truck and a minute later, Virgil heard an engine start.

“What the hell, Janus?” Virgil shifted around so he wasn't on his knees. “You would have just let me get kidnapped?”

Janus rolled his eyes. “Yes, of course. I totally wasn’t lying so I could go get help.”

“Oh.”

“What does this freak want with you anyway?” Janus asked while trying to remove the binds on his wrists.

Virgil shook his head as he felt the truck start to move. “I don’t know.”

“Well then,” Virgil saw Janus stand up and wiggle his fingers, displaying his newly freed wrists. “I guess we won’t stick around to find out.”

Virgil’s eyes widened. “How did you do that?”

Janus crouched down and began to untie Virgil as well. “What can I say? I’m a slippery snake.” He gave a hint of a smirk. “Also it was really a _remarkable_ decision for them to use rope instead of zip ties, which are totally not more effective or anything.” He added.

In the dim glow of the moon, Virgil caught a glimpse of Janus’s face as he asked, “Did you get your phone taken too?”

The former assassin felt his pockets after Janus had finished untying him. “I think so. I don’t have it.”

“Wonderful.” Janus said sarcastically. “I guess we’ll just have to make a run for it.” He crept toward the doors slowly and began to examine them.

“Woah, you’re not suggesting we jump out of a moving car are you?” Virgil asked, taking mental note of the bumpy road on which they were definitely surpassing the speed limit.

“No, of course not.” Janus rolled his eyes. “I’m suggesting we jump out of a moving truck. Totally different.”

“You’re right, they’re different as in one of those is worse!”

“Then what’s your plan?”

“I… I don’t know.”

Janus walked carefully back to Virgil. “How about this. We wait until the car stops and then we hightail it the heck out of here. Sound good?”

“But it could be hours until we stop and we’d be too far from home to find our way back.”

“The driver will have to stop eventually, for gas or something.” Janus nearly tipped over from a bump in the road, but quickly regained his balance. “Besides, what other choice do we have?”  
Virgil stared at the ground for a moment. “You’re right-”

The truck hit something large in the road and both men were thrown across the floor. Virgil hit the wall of the truck with his shoulder and Janus tripped over his own feet in trying to catch himself.

After the truck had stopped shaking quite so much, Janus coughed. “Well, that was pleasant.” He looked over at Virgil who was currently clutching his arm tightly. “Are you alright?”

“I’m- I’m fine. This’ll leave a bruise, though.”

“I don’t doubt it.” Janus nodded. “I wish I had something to help…”

Virgil shook his head. “Don’t worry about it, I’ll be fine.”

Janus waited for a moment before nodding again. “Okay, then let’s work on finding a way to prevent tumbling in the event of another road bump, because I’d _much_ like to do that again.” He finished with a hint of sarcasm.

Virgil looked around thoughtfully. “Well lets see, we still have the ropes from the bindings, maybe we can tie them onto these hook things on the side and hold on?”

“Oh, yes.” Janus agreed. “We’ll do that.” And so they did. After crawling slowly to where they had dropped the pieces of rope on the other side of the truck, the two of them tied knots onto the hook and grasped the ends of the rope firmly, to which Janus said, “Really, it was _extremely_ effective of our kidnapper to not use zip ties. We really should give our due thanks.”

There was an awkward silence save for the noises of the truck. This was most certainly not the desired situation and neither of them knew what to do about it. It seemed as though both of them were trying to not break down from stress in front of the other.

“So….” Janus tried to break the silence a small bit. “Great first date, huh?”

Virgil bit his lip. “I’m so-” The truck hit another bump and they held tight to not slip. “I’m so sorry, Janus. I don’t know what this has to do with me, but I wish you didn’t have to get dragged into it.”

Janus gave an obviously fake laugh. “What do you mean? I just _love_ holding on for dear life as this truck seems to be tilting to the side for some reason.” The truck was indeed tilting as though they were on the side of a hill. “In all seriousness, I highly doubt you planned for this to happen so don’t worry about apologizing because it does _so_ much good right now anyway.”

“Right.” Virgil’s breath caught. “I’m just- I’m really trying not to panic right now because I don’t know what’s happening or why, and I don’t know how-slash-if we’re going to get out of this and-”

“Woah, hey.” Janus stopped him. “Breathe. It’s going to be okay, we have a plan, remember?”

“How do you know it will work?”

“You’re right, the bastard who couldn’t use cheaper items to more securely bind our hands is going to stop us when we run at the next stop.”

Virgil did not look reassured. “We could still get caught.”

“Then we’ll worry about that when the time comes” When Virgil still looked distressed, Janus let go of the rope with one hand and extended it to him. “Here, can you take my hand?”

Virgil gave him a curious expression.

“You don’t have to, but I want to help.” So Virgil shifted his grip and lightly placed his hand on top of Janus’s. “Right. So even though we’re in this shitty situation, we should try to make the best of it and get to know each other.”

“Okay.” Virgil took a few ragged breaths and tried to focus on what Janus was saying.

“You ever played ‘Never Have I Ever’? I hear it’s a great ice-breaker.” Virgil nodded. “Okay. Let’s start simple. Never have I ever killed a person.”

Virgil choked. 

Janus’s eyes widened. “ _Have_ you ever killed a person?”

Virgil shook his head. “No.” He answered truthfully, yet it was probably not the best idea to share his former career just yet, regardless of whether he ever killed anyone. It might make the wrong impression. “I just… didn’t expect that.”

“I see. Your turn.”

“Never have I ever… gone skydiving.” Virgil gripped Janus’s hand as they hit another bump. 

“I can’t say I’ve done that before. Sounds fun, though.”

~

They had gotten through roughly twenty rounds and Virgil had relaxed a bit when Janus noticed and pointed out that the truck was slowing down.

“Are you ready?” Janus asked, giving Virgil’s hand a gentle squeeze. “We’ll have to jump while the truck is still moving slowly so we aren’t caught.”

Virgil gulped. “I think so.” He said shakily. Janus nodded and led him carefully to the door of the truck. Thankfully, it wasn’t locked in any way. As the vehicle slowed to only a couple miles per hour, Janus pushed open the right door slightly and held it firmly so it wouldn’t swing.

“You’ll have to go first so I can hold it.” Janus whispered, unsure of whether anyone was around outside. “Jump quickly and wait for me.” Virgil gave a slight nod and after taking a deep breath, jumped out into the road and stumbled. He nearly fell over but managed to right himself in time. Janus followed soon after, making sure to let go of the door completely as to not be dragged backward by the truck. His landing was less successful as he fell on the gravel road and scraped his knees. Luckily the road didn’t seem to be tilted anymore, or the fall would have been much worse. As he got up and dusted himself off, he saw the truck drive off and slow down at what appeared to be a warehouse of some kind. 

He turned to Virgil and said, “Are you okay?”

Virgil didn’t answer. “You’re bleeding.” He said instead.

“Oh, how wonderful.”

“Are _you_ okay?” Virgil redirected the previous question.

Janus grimaced. “I’ll be fine. Let’s get out of here.”

Virgil looked unsure. “Right, but where are we?” He asked. They looked around but didn’t see anything familiar. They must have been taken out of the city into the middle of nowhere.

“I don’t know... “ Janus replied. “Let’s find somewhere to hide until morning when we can look for a rest stop or something for now.”

“Good idea.” And so they wandered off the road and decided that one of the patches of trees would suffice.

Janus pushed back a pine branch which hid a small clearing in the centre of about four or five trees. “Here we are. This is _totally_ ideal, but it’ll have to do.” The pair brushed away some of the pine needles and tried to find a comfortable sitting position on the cold ground. There wasn’t much space, but they hoped it would be enough to sleep somewhat comfortably. By strange luck, there was a small window in the branches that Janus could look out and watch the warehouse to see if anyone was coming.

“I’m sorry all this happened.” Virgil apologized as he tore apart a pine needle.

“I was definitely blaming you.”

Virgil looked confused for a moment before picking up on Janus’s sarcastic tone. “It’s just- They wanted me.”

“Didn’t I tell you I’m not upset?” Janus sighed. “Look, as much as I _love_ being kidnapped, this could have gone much worse. We’re going to get back to the city and pretend like this never happened, okay?”

“But, what if-”

“Do you trust me?” Janus asked, staring Virgil in the eyes.

Virgil considered. “I just met you.”

“Fair.” Janus gave a short nod. “Can I ask you to believe me when I say we’ll get out of this safely?”

Virgil didn’t reply at first. He wanted to believe Janus, but try all he might, his fear was very convincing. All he could think was: _I should have been paying closer attention, I shouldn’t have let Janus leave me alone, I shouldn’t have gone in that bar, I shouldn’t have-_

“I... “ Virgil started. “I’m just so… scared Janus. I don’t know if we’re going to get out of this safely, how _can_ I know?”

“Don’t worry, I’m _certainly_ not absolutely terrified right now. We’re in the same boat.” The other man assured. “And, I really _don’t_ know if we’re going to be okay, but I just hope we will be.”

Virgil nodded but didn’t reply. It was only after a few moments of silence had passed and he heard a strange shuffling outside that he spoke up. “Do you hear that?” He asked. When Janus nodded, he continued, “You don’t see Gruff Voice out there, do you?”

“Gruff Voice?”

Virgil shrugged. “That’s what I’ve been calling the kidnapper in my head.” Janus turned to look out of the space between the branches and had been about to say that he didn’t see anyone, when he was interrupted.

“Well that’s not very nice, now is it?” And as fate would have it, the voice they heard was indeed gruff. “My name is Steve.”

Janus and Virgil froze and stared at each other silently in the dark. 

_Oh no- shit!_ Virgil thought. 

“Oh for fuck’s sake!” Shouted Janus. Gruff Voice- Steve grabbed the collars of their shirts and dragged them out of the trees and back toward the warehouse. “Would you _stop_ that! I can walk just fine on my own, thanks.” Janus tried to struggle out of Steve’s grasp, but failed.

“Yeah, and you can also run just fine.” Steve countered. “I’m not stupid.”

“Sure you aren’t.” Janus snarked. “Did your mommy tell you that?”

Steve growled.

“Aw, well isn’t that cute. His mommy thinks he’s special, Virge.” Janus mocked. Virgil fought back a snicker.

“Shut the hell up, you fucking lemonade stand.” Steve snarled.

Janus glanced down at his yellow shirt. “Lemonade stand? What does that make you?” Janus rolled his eyes. “The third-grader who runs it?”

Virgil very nearly giggled. Janus’s ability to maintain his confident sass while also being dragged into a warehouse -for who knows why- was rather admirable. Virgil could only wish for that kind of confidence.

Steve, however, was less pleased. “Listen here bitch, you’re going to shut up or-”

“Or what? You’ll kill me?” Janus taunted. “Gee, I’m so scared.”

“I might if you don’t shut that trap of yours.” Steve grinned maliciously. “Or, I’ll kill your boyfriend here.” 

“Right, sure hun.” Janus drawled. “You need him for whatever you kidnapped him for. You won’t kill him.”

Steve gripped Virgil's shirt and jerked him around to face Janus. “Unless I kidnapped him to kill him.” Janus’s eyes widened. 

“Don’t you dare fucking hurt him or I’ll kick your ass.” Janus threatened, glaring. Steve ignored him and continued dragging them along. When they entered the warehouse, it was dark and cold, as well as relatively empty. Steve latched the door behind them and shoved them forward to keep walking. They walked through the first area of the abandoned warehouse and had begun to draw near a door with light shining through the gap between it and the floor. Steve threw open the door and it swung wide open, revealing a room doused in bright lights which greatly contrasted the looming darkness of the previous room.

Janus and Virgil blinked in the bright light until they could see, and they were rather taken aback by what they _did_ see.

“Steve, why in the name of Satan’s wet bed sheets did you bring this other guy?” Said the shrill voice of a man in eccentric green clothes who Virgil thought looked vaguely familiar for some odd reason.

Virgil raised an eyebrow. “Satan’s wet bed sheets?”

“You said you only needed Jordan!” The guy continued, ignoring Virgil.

“Yeah, well his boyfriend would have noticed he was gone.”

Shrill Voice and Gruff Voice bickered as Virgil and Janus exchanged confused and slightly irritated expressions. “Well isn’t this _lovely_ !” Janus shouted over them angrily, his voice echoing in the large room. “We get kidnapped on a first date and now you two idiots won’t shut up for two goddamn seconds to explain why the hell you kidnapped us! How fucking _wonderful_ ! _Just_ what I wanted to happen today!”

The green-clothed man gasped loudly and dramatically -which reminded Virgil of… Roman, strangely. “Steeeeve! You can’t just _not_ tell people why you kidnap them! It’s common courtesy to tell them your motives.” He shook his head in mock disapproval. “You wouldn’t steal someone’s kneecaps without giving a specific threat first, would you?”

Steve gave an eye roll and released the captives. “You.” Virgil stared up as Steve jabbed his finger at him. “You’re Virgil Jordan, right? Vincent’s kid?”

Janus gasped. “Vincent… _Jordan_?”

Virgil gulped. “Um. Yes?”

“Good. I thought so. I need to hire you.”

Virgil began to sweat nervously. “Uh, I don’t do that…”

“I found your information just yesterday.”

“Listen, uh, I haven’t gotten a chance to take it down. I sort of… quit?” Virgil cleared his throat. “Before I even started…” He added.

“Just one person, _then_ you can quit.”

“One person? One person what?” Janus asked, anxious of the answer he might receive.

Virgil shook his head. “No, you don’t understand. I don’t want that on my record.”

Steve scoffed. “You think you’re going to get caught?” Virgil backed away slowly. “The son of _Vincent Jordan_ , caught?”

“I’ve never killed anyone….” Virgil mumbled. Janus paled.

“Killed anyone?? Why would you kill someone?” He stopped. “I mean, unless they got between you and your self care. In which case, don’t worry about shoving them down a flight of stairs.”

The guy in green clapped and grinned gleefully. “Ooh! Stairs! Sounds fantastic!” He turned to Janus. “I like you.”

Steve, however, was not distracted, and continued interrogating Virgil. “What are you, some kind of screw-up?”

Virgil muttered, “Something like that…” Under his breath and only Janus heard.

“Virgil, what is he talking about? What information?” Janus whispered nervously.

“Stay out of this!” Steve shouted. Janus stopped talking and stared between them.

The green man stepped forward and pushed Steve aside. “Okay, everyone calm down before I carve my initials into your skulls. As much as I love a good fight to the death, you guys are just boring and it’s not fun.”

“I’m not going to kill anyone.” Virgil stated firmly. “Let us go.”

Steve grunted. “I will pay you handsom-”

“ _No._ ”

“I’ll give you until tomorrow to tell me differently.” Steve snarled and left the room while Virgil glared. 

“Ah, don’t mind him. He’s just pissy.” Said the man in green. He reached out a hand toward Virgil. “I’m Remus, but you can call me ‘daddy’” Remus winked seductively.

“No thanks.” Janus rolled his eyes before turning to Virgil. “Care to explain what that was all about?”

Virgil winced. “Is this a bad time to mention I’m a former assassin who never actually killed anyone?”

Remus giggled. “Ooh, a twist!”

“No, this is a _perfect_ time.” Janus replied flatly. “Is there more to that story?”

“A dark, tragic past involving murder, mayhaps?” Remus cut in again. The other two shushed him.

“Well, the short of it is: My mom left when I was a kid, so my dad became and trained me to be a hitman. But then I was hired for the first time by a dude to annoy another dude, and then I got caught so I explained it to Dude #2 and now the two dudes are friends, and I don’t do the whole killing thing anymore.” Man, he needed to stop explaining important things so fast.

Luckily, Janus got the gist of it. “I see, and when did this happen?”

“I was hired yesterday, and I quit today.”

“Well that was certainly a long time.” Janus seemed a bit less stressed by now, which Virgil felt relieved about. “Let’s review, so I’m dating an ex-hitman, but he never actually killed anyone so it’s okay…”

“Right-” Virgil agreed. “Well, hopefully it’s okay.”

“ _No_ , I’m just going to ditch you for not committing any crimes.” Janus replied sarcastically with a soft smirk. Virgil gave an appreciative smile.

Remus interjected again. “Aw, how sweet. You two should bang.” He pointed at the pair.

Janus ignored him. “So, what do we do now? This Steve guy really wants you to kill someone and he seems _just_ like the type to give up easily.”

“I don’t know.” Virgil admitted. “I’m not going to take the job, though.”

“So, I guess if he won’t let it go, we’ll have to escape on our own.” Janus stated. “In the morning this time, so we don’t have to stick around and get caught again.”

“Wow, that sounds like a fun plan!” Remus said, stepping between them and throwing his arms around their shoulders. “Where do we start?”

Virgil eyed him suspiciously while Janus exclaimed, “Have you no regard for personal space?”

“Have I a what now?” Remus asked, moving his face uncomfortably close to Janus’s.

“You aren’t going to turn us over to Steve?” Virgil fidgeted uncomfortably with the sleeves of his borrowed shirt.

Remus scoffed. “Why would I do that??”

Janus raised an eyebrow. “Because we _totally_ didn’t fuck up just now and tell you our whole plan?”

“Steve isn’t my boss. I don’t have to tell him shit.” Remus grinned. “I’m just here to fuck with him.”

“Like, actually fuck him or just bother him?” Virgil inquired. “I actually can’t tell-”

“Whatever I’m in the mood for.” Remus shrugged. Janus and Virgil looked at each other and then back at Remus. “I’m just kidding, I'm ace.” The red-haired man clarified. “But you should have seen your faces!”

“Ha ha, very amusing.” Janus rolled his eyes for the thousandth time.

Remus turned dramatically and shouted, “Come with me!” He began marching in the other direction. “To the bedroom~” He added.

Virgil shrugged and followed. “Ah, so _this_ is where I die. Huh.”

Janus snickered. “No, no. We die in the explosion after this.” He corrected. “We’ve still got a scene yet.”

“Ohh, right, right. Of course.” Virgil nodded.

Remus gasped excitedly. “An explosion? Ooh now I’m enticed!”

“I’m gathering that that is _totally_ out of the norm for you.”

They followed Remus to what seemed to be an office room in the back. There were some chairs, a small, empty desk, and a water dispenser, but otherwise the room was empty. It reminded Virgil oddly of where he met Logan. 

“Stay here for now.” Remus instructed. “I’m gonna talk to Stevie-o about letting you leave.”

“Can’t you just… let us leave?” Virgil asked.

“I mean, I _could_ , but then I’d have to bail pretty quickly.” Remus explained, gesturing as he spoke.

Janus bore an annoyed expression. “Right. Well, since this is _exactly_ where I’d like to be spending my evening, convince him fast.”

“I thought we were staying until morning?” Virgil pointed out confusedly.

“We are. But I’d like the _option_ to leave at will.” Janus replied.

The former assassin shrugged. “Makes sense.”

* * *

Logan knocked on the door to Roman’s house only a short hour after work. He wasn’t entirely sure how friendships worked, but he was a bit surprised to be back so soon. He couldn’t say he was particularly disappointed, however. He had gone to lunch with Roman that day as promised, and he certainly did not regret it. He hadn’t quite realized how much he enjoyed his cowor- friend’s company before. Whom Logan had considered an overly boisterous man who took nothing seriously was actually rather personable and charming. And, strictly objectively speaking, fairly attractive. They had gone to a nice park, as opposed to just staying at a coffee shop, and Logan had quite enjoyed himself. And though he’d never admit it, it was significantly better than a boring sandwich by himself. He’d even find small, metaphorical cracks forming in his stiff exterior after Roman would say something particularly amusing and the smallest bit of laughter escaped him. And he’d discover himself to be thinking, ‘ _If I had known friendship would feel like this, maybe I’d have tried to make a friend years ago._ ’

The door opened to reveal, not Roman, but Patton. “Heya, kiddo.” Logan, while not well-versed in detecting emotions, noticed that Patton seemed rather… ‘down’ as it were. 

“Good afternoon, Patton.” Logan greeted. “You seem distressed, is something the matter?”

“Well, maybe. Why don’t you come in and we’ll talk.” Patton led Logan inside the house. While not exactly the minimalist style that Logan himself preferred, there was a sort of ‘vibe’ (a term which he had taken to mean a distinctive emotional atmosphere, courtesy of Virgil using it the day previous) of the house that reminded him vaguely of reading a science-fiction novel in an armchair whilst sipping tea on a rainy day. It was… pleasant. But he couldn’t allow himself to be distracted, Patton seemed upset for reasons Roman hadn’t specified when he called him.

Roman walked into the living room from a separate hallway just as Logan and Patton did. “Hey, Specs.” He gave a small wave.

“Salutations Roman, was there something you required from me or is this one of those spontaneous ‘hang-outs’?” Logan inquired.

“Well, Patton noticed that Virgil hasn’t responded to any messages and we haven’t seen him since last night.” Roman explained. “Have you heard from him at all?”

“I fear I haven’t.” Logan answered with a growing concern. “Nor do I know where he lives.”

Patton and Roman looked at each other with such an understanding that Logan, regardless of all scientific evidence, would have sworn they were somehow conversing telepathically with one another.

“What do you think, Logan?” Roman asked, stuffing a hand into his jeans pocket. “Should we go look for him?”

“I think…” Logan wasn’t sure. Had he been gone long enough for them to suspect he was missing? Or did they just not know him well enough to figure out where he might be? They had only just met him, but then again, one would think he'd respond to repeated messages. “I think it would be wise to find out what we can about him to see if there would be any reason for him to be taken. And if we can’t find anything or too much time has passed, we go to the police.”

Roman nodded in agreement, but Patton looked as though he were still deeply troubled by something. “Patton? Do you have another idea to add?” Logan turned to him.

“I don’t trust Janus…” He mumbled. When he received cues to elaborate, he continued. “I know he’s probably okay, but something about the way Virgil told me how they met just… doesn’t sit right with me.”

“Forgive me, but who is Janus?” Logan interrupted. 

“Oh, didn’t I tell you?” Roman chuckled into a face-palm at his own forgetfulness. “I met Virgil by flirting with a guy for him at Starbucks.”

Logan waited for more of an explanation before saying, “I presume this ‘guy’ was Janus?”

“Exactly.” Roman nodded. “Except, we don’t know him and Patton’s worried that he might have something to do with Virgil’s disappearance.”

“Ah, I understand.” Logan adjusted his glasses. “A fair conjecture. Perhaps we shall try to find out more about Janus as well.”

“Oh, hey!” Roman exclaimed. “Remy works with Janus, maybe he can tell us about him!”

Logan sighed. “Again, with the individuals I have no knowledge of.”

“Remy’s my cousin-in-law.” Patton supplied. “The guy in sunglasses in the centre picture.” He pointed at a set of photographs on top of the mantle to his right. Logan took note of the man in the photograph who matched Patton’s description and nodded.

“So, we’ll go talk to Remy, then?” Roman asked. “I think he’s off work by now.”

“That seems to be the best plan of action, as of now.” Logan agreed.

~

They arrived at the door of Patton’s cousins’ house to be greeted by a young girl who answered the door. 

“Patton!” Her face brightened at the sight of the man. “Roman! Hi!”

“Why, good evening, Princess Valerie.” Roman greeted, sinking into a low, dramatic bow. The girl giggled, giving a curtsy of her own.

Patton gave her a warm smile. “Hi, kiddo. Can we talk to your dad for a minute?”

“Yup! I’ll go get him.” She ran off back into the house. 

“That’s my niece, Valerie.” Patton explained to Logan.

Logan gave a hint of a smile. “She seems delightful.” The girl returned with a man who could only be the sunglasses-wearing person in the photo from earlier.

“Heya, babes.” He waved with a cup of coffee in his hand. “Whatcha need me for?”

“We were wondering if you knew anything about your coworker Janus.” Roman told him.

Remy raised an eyebrow. “Of course I know him, what do you need to know about?”

“Do you know if he’s ever been involved with any sort of crime or suspicious activity?” Patton asked nervously.

Remy made a gesture to calm down. “Woah, slow down babe,” He sipped his coffee. “That went from like, zero to a hundred _real_ fast.”

“Well, has he?” Roman interrogated. “It’s kind of important.”

“As far as I know of, no.” Remy replied. “I’ve never heard about him being involved with criminals and his record’s clean. Believe me, this isn’t the bitch you’re looking for-” He stopped talking and looked at Logan. Lowering his sunglasses, he asked, “Do I know you?”

“I wouldn’t think so.” Logan adjusted his necktie, as he often did when meeting someone new. “I’m Logan Holter.”

Remy nodded and fixed his sunglasses. “And I’m tired- I mean, Remy. Remy Picani.”

“A pleasure to make your acquaintance.” Logan extended a hand to him. Remy shook it with the hand that was not holding coffee.

Remy looked as though he was going to say something else when he was interrupted by a loud plate crash from inside the house. He winced and took off his sunglasses to rub his eyes, which were rimmed with red circles. He looked to the other three and sighed. “If you ever want kids, you can say goodbye to your sleep schedule.” He muttered before looking back over his shoulder and shouting, “Don’t move or touch anything! I’ll be there in a sec!”

“Do you want any help?” Patton offered.

“No, no I got it…” Remy shook his head. “I’m just gonna… go take care of this.” He turned and walked back into the house muttering something about coffee. 

“So Janus’s record is clean... “ Roman recapped. “But then what happened to Virgil?” 

“Wait, Roman.” Logan interjected. “Do you remember seeing Janus when we stopped at Starbucks today?”

“Hmm…” Roman hummed softly as he thought. “I don’t think so.”

“Perhaps both Virgil _and_ Janus are missing.”

“That’s certainly possible.” Roman nodded. “What do you think, Pat?”

“What if Janus was gone _because_ he did something to Virgil?” Patton asked. 

Roman stopped to think, but then countered, “But wouldn’t Janus want to go to work anyway so as to not look suspicious then?”

Patton looked unsure. “Who would take them?”

“That’s assuming they were kidnapped.” Logan pointed out. “There’s always the possibility that they’re just fine.”

Patton gave Logan a strange look. “Why do you say it like that?”

“I’m merely reminding you of equally possible scenarios.” Patton only looked at Logan for a moment later before shaking his head. 

“Of course.”

Roman stared from Logan to Patton and back with a confused expression. “What was that about?”

“Nothing, I’m just…” Patton closed his eyes for a few seconds before continuing. “I’m just a little on edge is all, kiddo.”

Roman ran his fingers through his hair and sighed. “I think we all are. Maybe it’s best if we turn in for now and see if he turns up tomorrow.”

“Though I’d much prefer an outcome where we were able to do more to find him today, I agree that that may be the best option as of now, Roman.” Logan conceded. 

“Alright, then we’ll see you tomorrow?”

“Yes.” Logan agreed. “Shall I meet you at your house once again?”

“That sounds good.” Roman gave a wave as Logan turned to walk away. “Seeya, Microsoft Nerd!”

“I’ll see you in the near future, alligator mississippiensis.” The bespectacled man replied.

“What?”

“Oh, am I using the term incorrectly? I guess I assumed-”

“N-nevermind.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *edits the tags while you're not looking*  
> I don't know why I made Remy a tired dad, but I did. I also don't know why I made this guy called Steve. Do I know why I do anything? No. But anygay, I hope y'all are enjoying this. I really have no idea what I'm doing


	3. Part 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TW: You know the drill; cursing, killing and death mentions (I say mentions as if that isn't the whole plot kind of), Remus behaviour/language, as well as major injuries, blood, and angst (have I scared you yet?)
> 
> I'm so nervous my dudes (and those who wish not to be called dude). I hope y'all like this.

“Ah- shit!” Janus cried as he crashed onto the floor along with two chairs. After a minute he slowly sat up. “Wow, what a wonderful idea that was...” He muttered. 

Virgil looked up from where he was scribbling on the desk with a pencil he found in a drawer. “What’d you do?” 

Janus checked to see if he was severely injured before getting up and dusting himself off. “I tried to open the air vent on the ceiling.” He went about picking up the chairs and stacking one back on top of the other. “In hindsight, I probably shouldn’t have done that.” He added, climbing back onto the chairs he had just fallen from. 

“Yes…” Virgil watched him anxiously. “And you probably shouldn’t be doing it again…” 

“That’s what society says.” 

“N-no, that’s what common sense says!” Virgil sputtered. “You’re going to get hurt! Again!” 

“Oh no.” Janus replied flatly while trying to catch his balance on top of the chairs. He reached up to the ceiling and took hold of the air vent. With as much force as he could muster, he yanked it off. Which of course, caused him to fall off the chairs again. This time the top chair toppled off of the other one and hit Janus as it landed. 

“Goddammit...” Janus muttered. 

“What’d I tell you?” 

Janus sighed. “Alright that’s the last time I’m doing that.” 

“Good.” Virgil stopped. “Wait, are you being serious or not?” 

“For real, I’m done.” Janus nodded. “At least until I need to get back up there to climb out.” The other man sighed and shook his head. 

They had been sitting in the office for at least half of an hour by then, and Janus had begun growing restless. Virgil was extremely anxious, but it was much more internalized. The uneasy feelings, however, threatened to burst out every time Janus went against his decision to stay until morning by trying to find a creative way out of the room. So far, he’d tried the door (locked), the window (boarded up), and most recently, the air vent in the ceiling. Tearing off the cover was the most success he’d had yet. 

The blonde man stared up at the ceiling in concentration. “Hmm…” He muttered. “How am I going to climb in there?” 

“Please don’t get hurt.” Virgil pleaded. 

“Ah, don’t worry about me. I’m just speculating.” Janus assured. Virgil did not look satisfied with that but kept quiet and went back to his doodling. A few minutes passed in relative silence and Virgil found his eyelids growing heavy every once in a while, but shrugged it off. It hadn’t been long before he heard Janus declare, “It’s broken.” 

“What’s broken?” 

“The snowman blood-spitting machine.” Virgil jerked up because that was _not_ Janus who said that. 

“Where the fuck did you come from?” He exclaimed, ignoring the oddness of the previous phrase. 

The man who had suddenly appeared shrugged. “I crawled through the vents.” It was a moment until Virgil realized it was Remus. “I’ve been here for a while.” 

Virgil blinked wildly. “But- but it was just me and Janus two minutes ago!” 

“Oh honey, it’s been hours.” Janus looked mildly concerned. 

“What?” 

Janus walked over to the desk. “You fell asleep. And it would have just been _so_ polite of me to wake you.” 

Virgil shook his head. “But- How? I didn’t even notice…” 

“You’re probably _not_ tired at all, considering it’s almost four in the morning.” The yellow clad man pointed out. 

Virgil decided that made sense. “So, why are you here?” He asked Remus. 

The mustached man sighed loudly. “I talked to Steve hand-Jobs and he said he was going to keep you here until you took the job-” 

“I’m not taking the job.” Virgil growled underneath his breath. 

“-and so, I crawled into the vents to keep you company.” Remus finished. 

“Yes, he fell right on top of me.” Janus added flatly. 

“I didn’t mean to! Unless you wanted me to…?” Remus raised an eyebrow suggestively. 

“Oh right, of course.” Janus rolled his eyes. “It _totally_ wasn’t intentional after I saw you and told you not to jump down.” 

“I didn’t hear that!” 

“You guys!” Virgil interjected. “I don’t care whether it was an accident. Just tell me what else happened while I was out!” 

“Right, so then we got very bored-” Remus started. 

Janus cut him off. “-and we tried to climb out of the vent-” 

“-but that didn’t work-” 

“-because Remus dropped out instead of waiting and pulling us out like I said-” 

“-because I wanted to join the party-” 

“-so, then we sat around for a while-” 

“-but we were still bored-” 

“-so, we found some rubber bands and shot them at things-” 

“-I was better at it-” 

“-no, you weren’t-” 

Virgil watched them recount the events, looking back and forth between them as though they were in a tennis match. 

“Anyway-” Janus started again. 

“-then we fucked around for a while longer-” 

“-right, and then we tried to work the water dispenser but it’s broken-” 

“-and then you came back to life.” Remus finished. 

“You…” Virgil gave him a confused look. “You mean I woke up.” 

“I don’t know,” Remus giggled. “You looked pretty dead to me.” Janus rolled his eyes and lightly slapped him. 

Virgil looked between them a few more times. “So, are you guys like, friends now?” 

“Yes.” Remus said. 

At the same time Janus said, “No.” It was unclear whether he was lying or not. 

Virgil sighed. “Cool, cool. So, are we just taking Remus with us when we escape, then?” 

“Sure, I have _no_ issues with that.” Janus smirked. 

Remus walked up behind Janus and draped his arms around his shoulders. “Aw, you know you love me.” 

Janus squirmed out of his grasp. “Get off of me.” 

“I get the feeling this guy is going to be an... interesting addition to our party.” Virgil stated. 

Janus turned back to the former assassin. “What gave you that impression?” He said sarcastically as he picked up a pencil and held it up in defense against a newly approaching Remus. “Anyway, we’re going to go back to finding stuff to do. It’s up to you if you want to join.” 

Virgil shook his head. “No thanks, I’ll probably sleep for a little bit more. Wake me up when we’re leaving.” Janus nodded to him and Virgil laid his head down on the desk. In just a few short minutes, he was asleep again. 

* * *

“Hey, do you guys remember that one guy who was on the news a few years ago?” 

Logan looked up from his phone. “You’re going to have to be more specific Roman.” 

Roman looked very concentrated, as though he was trying hard to remember something. “It was about four years back.” He started. “There was a guy who went to jail for manslaughter. He was from around here…” 

“Ah, yes I believe I know who you speak of.” Logan nodded. “I am fairly confident I remember the name, but allow me one moment to make certain I have it right.” 

“I have a feeling I know the name too, but I wanted to make sure I wasn’t crazy.” 

Patton tore his gaze away from the photographs on the mantle he had been staring at and walked from the fireplace to where Roman sat on the sofa. “Why do you ask, kiddo?” 

Before Roman had the chance to respond, however, Logan spoke up, reading from his phone. “Vincent Jordan. On April 16th, four years ago, Vincent S. Jordan was sentenced to a lifetime in prison for committing multiple first-degree murders.” 

“The name _was_ Jordan…” Roman muttered. 

“Jordan?” Patton asked apprehensively. “But that’s Virgil’s-” He gasped. “You don’t think-” 

There was a silence for a moment. No one knew what to say. 

Finally, Logan sighed. “I’m afraid this is too oddly coincidental to ignore.” 

“Virgil _did_ say he was raised by a hitman…” Patton mumbled. “I guess I just didn’t realize it was this one.” 

Roman looked between the other two. “We have to remember that Virgil isn’t like that. Virgil wouldn’t hurt anyone.” 

Patton looked conflicted. He seemed as though he were going to agree with his housemate but then stopped as his face grew grim and worried. “...Do we know that?” The blonde man asked softly, his voice barely a whisper. 

“As much as I hate to say it, Patton is correct.” Logan sighed sadly. “We really _don’t_ know Virgil, or how good of a liar he is.” 

Roman, too, sighed and continued Logan’s thought. “So, as much as we’d like to trust him, we should stay at least a little on guard.” 

“We still have to find him and Janus, though.” Patton reminded them. “Maybe Virgil isn’t who he seems, but I’m willing to take that chance.” He declared firmly. 

Logan and Roman shot each other uneasy expressions, neither sure of what to do. All three of them really did want to trust Virgil- and Janus for that matter, but there was always the possibility that one or both of them weren’t innocent. 

Eventually, Roman took a deep breath. “While I think it’s important that we’re careful,” he began slowly. “I also _do_ think that we can trust Virgil. I have no idea about Janus, but Virgil has done nothing to attempt to hurt any of us besides getting under my skin a little.” 

“Which was my fault…” Logan nodded solemnly. “And I agree. ‘Careful’ does not necessarily mean ‘untrusting’.” 

Patton managed a weak smile. “So, we’ve got that sorted out- well, kind of.” His face grew serious. “We still need to find both of them.” 

There were another few minutes where no one said anything, somewhat lost on where to start, when Roman felt his phone vibrate in his pocket, and pulled it out to check it. Upon first glance, it didn’t look important, and so he made to swipe it. But then he glanced at what it said and stopped. 

  


_Account login from another device. Password change. Is this you? Tap to confirm or deny…_

  


Did he seriously get hacked again? What were the odds? Well, probably pretty high considering he had a weak password which he never changed. And then it hit him. 

“Logan, hacked- password- Virgil-” His words came out jumbled and broken. After Logan and Patton jumped at his outburst, he took a deep breath and started over. “Logan, remember how my computer got hacked the other day?” 

“Yes.” Logan answered. “But what does that have to do with finding Virgil?” 

“I remember you said something like, “Though it helps to have a secure password, sometimes that is not even enough to -something, something- stop hackers and-” Well, you get the gist.” Roman recalled. 

“Right.” Logan affirmed. “Is there a point to this, or are we simply reminiscing?” 

“I’m getting there, hold on.” The redhead assured. “So sometimes, people get hacked even though they’ve taken precautions?” 

“Yes, that is what I said.” 

“So, do you know how to do that?” Roman asked. “Can you hack someone’s device?” 

Logan raised an eyebrow. “Why?” He inquired suspiciously. 

“Could you find the location of said device?” 

“You’re suggesting I hack Virgil’s phone to find its location?” Logan adjusted his glasses frames. 

“Is it possible?” 

Logan thought for a moment. “It can be very difficult, but it is possible, yes.” 

“D’you think we could do it?” Patton asked hopefully. 

“I believe there are some mobile applications that allow hacking from only a mobile number. We may have to use those to our advantage.” Logan said. “I think it’s worth attempting.” 

“Then let’s try!” Roman exclaimed. “Where do we start?” 

“I will have to do some additional research before I can begin, which may take a while.” Logan answered. 

Patton stood up. “Well then, why don’t I make us lunch and Roman can keep you company out here?” 

“If you want, of course.” Roman added hastily. 

Logan nodded and gave the slightest of smiles. “Yes, your presence would certainly not be undesirable.” 

~

The two sat in relative quietude for a while. While Logan studied his phone, Roman watched him from the other side of the sofa, humming a song softly to himself as he traced the patterns on the sofa’s fabric with his finger. He wasn’t quite sure what to do, not wanting to distract his friend by talking to him, but feeling as though he weren’t exactly ‘keeping him company’ in near silence. After a moment of indecision, he spoke up. 

“Shall I put on some background music, or would that only distract you?” He asked tentatively. 

Logan looked up from his phone. “I suppose that would be alright.” 

“Okay then.” Roman unbarred- unlocked his own phone and connected it to the Bluetooth speaker in the room. He decided to just put on some classical music, thinking it might be something Logan would enjoy. 

“Oh! Look at this, Roman!” Logan exclaimed rather excitedly. “There appears to be an application that considerably shortens my time hacking into Virgil’s phone.” He explained. 

“Wonderful!” Roman smiled eagerly. “What now?” 

“Well, there are some simple steps here… It looks like all I will need is the phone number, which is quite manageable, considering Virgil’s contact is saved in my device.” Logan replied. 

“That’s great! Is there anything you need me to do?” 

The man in glasses thought for a moment. “I don’t believe so; however, I could show you what I’d do to get into the phone, if you’re interested in the process.” 

Roman nodded. “Sure. I’m somewhat curious, anyway.” Logan motioned for Roman to move closer and look at the phone screen. The red-haired man’s face went the slightest bit pink and he shifted over only a few inches, to which Logan rolled his eyes and moved next to Roman. 

“I’m not going to hurt you-” The man started jokingly before stopping suddenly. “Wait- oh. Roman, I swear on all things Crofter’s and/or Sherlock Holmes, I won’t make anymore -and forgive my language- bullshit moves, if that is what you are concerned about.” He looked away guiltily. 

Roman acquired a panicked expression. “No, no! Logan, it’s not that.” He assured hurriedly. 

Logan looked some odd cross between relieved, ashamed, and confused. “It isn’t?” 

“No, don’t worry.” Roman shook his head. “It’s just- It’s nothing.” 

“Are you quite certain?” 

Roman nodded, the colour returning to his face slowly. And in surplus. 

“Very well. If you are uncomfortable, Roman, do not hesitate to let me know. I have, without intention, given you reason to… distrust me.” 

“Logan, it’s fine. I promise.” Roman smiled. Logan attempted to return the expression. “Anyway, so what are we doing here?” Roman broke the tension, pointing at the screen. 

Logan began to explain, and Roman couldn’t help but notice the way his face lit up when he was asked a question about a step in the process. Roman would have even guessed it was the happiest he’d ever seen him. It wasn’t long before Patton returned, carrying a small steaming pot with oven mitts and balancing a plate of sandwiches on top of the lid. 

“Oh Pat, let me help you with that!” Roman leapt up from his place on the couch and gently lifted the plate from his friend and set it onto the coffee table, brushing away some stray LEGO pieces. 

“Thanks, kiddo.” Patton said, setting down the pot (which contained a soup) onto the table with a pot holder underneath. 

Roman smirked. “Logan, you’ll have to determine if this is better than your boring lonely sandwich.” 

“Will there ever come a day when I am free of this nonsense? It was only a sandwich, Roman.” Logan pinched the bridge of his nose and rolled his eyes. 

“Yes, but it was the one and lonely sandwich!” Roman argued. Patton merely chuckled at their exchange and left for the kitchen once more for something else. 

He returned a moment later with some dishes and silverware, as well as a tea kettle. “Here we go. It’s nothing fancy, but hopefully this works for you, Logan?” 

“This is wonderful as is, Patton.” Logan promised. 

The man in the grey cardigan smiled in response. “So, what did you guys do while I was gone?” 

Roman perked up. “Well, Logan explained the cool hacker things he was doing and also told me about some neat hacks you can do with old telephones.” He said. “Did you know when you use a payphone, it plays a tune to let the system know that you paid, but if you record the sound and play it into the receiver, you can make the call for free?” 

Patton shook his head. “I can’t say I knew that. Neato!” 

“It’s a shame pay phones aren’t really around anymore. Otherwise it’d be really ‘neato’.” Roman added. 

Logan adjusted his tie. “There are, of course, more modern hacks as well, but that was one of the first I learned.” 

“You know, you’d make a good teacher, Lo.” Roman commented. 

“I actually used to be a teacher.” Logan chuckled softly. “I taught English.” 

“Really?” Roman asked curiously. “How’d you end up at a desk job like this?” 

Logan looked away. “I worked at a middle school across town for years, but unfortunately, it closed down almost two years ago due to lack of funds. It was very fortunate I knew enough about computers to be hired by Mrs. Conner.” 

“Couldn’t you get another teaching job?” Roman wondered sympathetically. “Aren’t there other schools?” 

“Believe me, it wasn’t as though I didn’t attempt that.” Logan assured sadly. “However, at least this turn of events led me here.” 

Roman gave a hollow laugh. “‘Here’ being trying to track down our missing friend who may or may not be a murderer via sketchy hacking apps while eating sandwiches.” 

“And soup.” Patton added matter-of-factly. 

Roman nodded. “And soup.” 

* * *

“Janus!” Virgil hissed, catching his breath. “You said we were waiting until morning!” 

The man in yellow looked around the corner of the hallway before turning back to face Virgil. “It is morning.” Virgil glared and Janus rolled his eyes in response. “Besides, a perfect opportunity fell into my lap, it would have just been _so_ smart to leave it be.” 

“You fucking killed Steve!” Virgil protested. 

Janus scoffed. “I did not. _Remus_ was the one to hit him.” He motioned silently for Virgil to follow him, and Virgil begrudgingly obliged. “He’s not even dead, anyway.” 

Virgil looked skeptical. 

“Okay _fine_ ,” Janus sighed loudly. “No, I didn’t check. But it was self-defense! That’s legal probably!” 

Virgil looked unconvinced and scanned his surroundings. “Where’s Remus?” 

“I don’t know. He said he was stealing Steve’s truck.” 

“I-” Virgil made a noise that could only be described as a verbal keyboard smash. “Okay listen to me.” 

“No thanks.” Janus nodded. 

“Wha- Never mind.” The ex-assassin put his hands up as if to refresh the conversation. “Look, we’re going to find Remus and get out of here.” 

“Yes, that was the plan.” Janus replied flatly. 

“And we’re _not_ going to-” An ear-splitting crash interrupted him and the two ducked (quack) their heads reflexively. Virgil squinted at two blinding lights and could just make out the silhouette of a large vehicle. After a moment, the lights dimmed and he was given a proper look at the scene. The aforementioned truck had appeared to have burst through a wall in the warehouse just to their left, creating _quite_ the mess. “That! We are not going to do that!” Virgil cried exasperatedly. 

The window of the moving truck rolled down to reveal the mustached man in green. “Get in bitches!” 

Janus gave a “Hell yeah!” while Virgil attempted to tear his own hair out from stress. He followed after Janus, who had immediately run to the passenger side of the truck. 

When they had reached the vehicle and Janus swung open the door, Virgil stopped. “You two.” He sighed. “I just met both of you, and I can already tell you’re going to be the death of me.” 

“Didn’t I say we would die in the explosion?” Janus countered. 

“Both of those things can be arranged!” Remus chimed in. “Now come on, we’ve got an explosion to die in!” 

Janus laughed and pulled Virgil into the truck and onto his lap by the hand. Virgil blushed lightly, “I- I don’t _have_ to sit here, you know…” He stuttered. 

“I mean, since there are just _so many_ other seats available, I thought you might prefer it to Remus’s lap.” Janus smirked. Virgil mumbled something and looked away, rolling his eyes with a subtle smirk. 

“Just don’t do anything stupid while driving-” Remus, for some odd reason, took that as cue to slam on the gas into the wall in front of them before Virgil could even finish his sentence about stupid decisions. While creating maddening noises, the truck tore through the rusted aluminum of the second wall and within an instant, they were outside the warehouse. But the truck didn’t stop there, and continued to accelerate away from the warehouse and across the road. They continued at breakneck speed, just narrowly missing several trees. 

“What did I _just_ say!?” Virgil tried to yell over the commotion, holding onto Janus for his life. Remus ignored him, looking more shocked than anything. They passed a small patch of trees before realizing they were headed toward the edge of a small cliffside . “No, no, _shit!_ ” Virgil muttered, squeezing his eyes tight. He felt the car jerk sideways as Remus sharply turned the wheel. The 90° turn did nothing to slow the vehicle; however, and instead the truck sailed over the edge horizontally, crashing to the ground and rolling. The storage compartment broke off the back of the truck and landed a few metres away, slamming into a tree. 

The three of them clung to each other as the truck continued to roll, leaving massive dents all over the roof and shattering the windshield. Virgil screamed as the remainder of the vehicle gave one last bounce, which set the engine ablaze. The car on its side, Remus kicked open his door and did his best to pull the other two out of the ruined mess. They were climbing out as something else in the truck combusted and the entire thing went up in flames. Remus and Virgil scrambled as far away as they could, dragging an unconscious Janus together, while in a daze. 

For a moment they sat there, panting and coughing as the fire burned itself out. Virgil’s vision was blurred and he couldn’t form coherent thoughts. Just moments ago, his life had flashed before his very eyes while everything else seemed to travel in slow motion. He was already finding it hard to remember what it had felt like the exact moment they’d hit the ground. All he could see in his mind were the repeating images of trees and rock flashing by and making him dizzy. He wanted to throw up, to cry, scream- anything, when his senses kicked in and he took a shaky breath before assessing the state of his companions. 

Remus seemed shaken up, but didn’t look too physically injured. Janus, meanwhile, was not as lucky. The entire left of his face was soaked with blood, his silky hair and yellow shirt were stained a deep red, and scratches and cuts littered his arms and face. His left leg also looked awkwardly bent out of shape and he was hardly breathing. Virgil gasped and shifted closer to him. 

“No, _no…_ ” Virgil muttered shakily. “Come on, don’t die…” He looked over at Remus, who appeared to be in shock. “What was that?” He asked, not quite angry, but stunned. 

Remus’s answer was so out of character, it was like a slap in the face. “I… I have no idea. I didn’t touch the pedal.” He stared at his hands and shook. “I- I’m crazy, but not _that_ crazy.” 

Virgil sighed. “The truck must have had something wrong with it then.” He found a handkerchief in his shirt pocket which he hadn’t noticed before and used it to wipe some of the blood off of Janus’s face. It wasn’t perfect, but at least he could see the damage now. Virgil wasn’t a medical professional, but he was pretty sure Janus would need stitches, at the very least. A large open wound spread across his forehead, letting blood trickle from it and down the side of his face. The smaller cuts, which Virgil guessed were from the shards of glass, were bleeding less, but still looked painful. And his leg? It looked broken. They needed an ambulance, immediately. 

“Remus?” The man in question looked up slowly. “Do you have a working phone?” Remus pulled his phone out of his pocket with trembling hands and showed the shattered screen to Virgil. “Dammit…” 

Remus mumbled softly to himself as Virgil tried to think. _Come on… There has to be something we can do…_ He looked around for anything that might be able to save Janus. If there was something in the truck, it was gone by now from the explosion. All he could see was wilderness and the storage part of the moving truck. No sign of any civilization anywhere. 

The sun was beginning to rise, and with it, a thick fog. Remus stopped mumbling. Janus’s breathing was barely visible, and silent tears of regret and defeat dripped down Virgil’s face. He stared at the dying man and realized he’d barely known him. They had gotten through only the most basic level of small talk before this shit storm came and messed everything up. They were supposed to have a nice date and then when Virgil went back home, he would devise a poorly thought-out plan to get Roman and Logan together. Instead they had taken wrong turn after wrong turn and ended up here. 

Virgil whispered lightly as guilty tears left tracks down his face, “Great first date, huh?” 

* * *

“You’re sure he’s there?” Patton asked. “Janus too?” 

“Well, I can’t be sure that’s where Janus and Virgil are, but that is the location of Virgil’s cell phone.” Logan answered. 

Roman took a second glance at Logan’s phone, which showed a map and a red marked area. “Then let’s go! The sooner the better.” He declared. 

Logan hesitated. “Perhaps it would be better to rest for a few hours, as we’ve been awake all night.” 

“Virgil could be in danger.” Patton eyed him suspiciously. “Why are you stalling?” 

“I am not stalling.” Logan stated. “However, you’re hardly standing and Roman walked into the wall just minutes ago.” 

“I did not!” Roman protested, stifling a yawn. “I was… giving it a hug.” 

Logan didn’t blink. “You’re right, my mistake.” 

“Anyway, Pat.” Roman started. “I don’t think Logan is stalling. He wants to find Virgil just as much as we do. Otherwise he wouldn’t have done all the hacking.” 

“I guess that’s true.” 

“May I ask why you’re so distrustful of me, Patton?” Logan asked, masking his concern. 

“I- I’m not! I just…” The blonde man trailed off. “I’m just worried. Virgil could be dead or worse, and if he’s not dead, he might not be who we think he is…” 

“Patton, you’ve only known him for half a day-” 

“I know that!” He looked away. “But I can’t help but worry… I mean, he’s already had it so rough.” 

“It’s okay, Pat.” Roman comforted. “We’ll find him.” 

Logan cleared his throat. “Sorry to interrupt, but we are in a bit of a ‘time crunch’ at the moment.” He checked his watch before continuing. “We can either rest now, or leave immediately to find Virgil and Janus.” 

Roman thought for a moment before saying. “The longer we wait, the longer Virgil is in potential danger.” Patton nodded in agreement. 

“Very well, we shall leave now.” 

* * *

It was a long day. Days typically seem to pass slower when all you do is watch someone’s blood dry, that was nothing new. But sitting in cold fog for 12 hours with nothing but the sound of a near stranger’s shaky breaths (and the lack of that sound from the other near stranger) to keep you company made it seem like every second was stretched out infinitely. By the time the sky settled into dusk, Virgil had nearly given up hope that Janus was going to stay alive any longer. His breaths were almost minutes apart, and they were slow and unsteady. Virgil’s gut twisted as a sickening feeling washed over him. Three minutes. It had been three minutes since the last visible breath. 

And then, finally. By some miracle, Janus coughed. 

Virgil jerked himself out of his daze just as Remus lifted his head from the other side of the unconscious man. They shared a look like; _Did I imagine that?_

The blonde man coughed again, a light trickle of fresh blood escaping his lips. There was nothing for a few moments. Virgil and Remus waited hopefully for any more coughs, movements, something to show he was still gripping onto life. And then it came, a few more weak coughs from the dying man. Virgil noticed he was struggling to take normal breaths; he was going to choke. 

“Here- help me sit him up!” He told Remus. The two gently helped him sit up and lean against a tree trunk, which helped him get much needed oxygen into his lungs. 

After a minute of coughing, Janus opened his eyes ever so slightly. “V-Virgil?” He croaked out, his voice just barely above a whisper. “Remus?” 

“Shh, don’t talk yet. Just focus on breathing.” Virgil instructed, slipping a placid coat of paint over his internal anxiety. “In… and out… slowly.” Janus took shallow breaths, pausing to cough a few more times, before finally maintaining a steady breathing pattern. “Okay, you can close your eyes, and talk now. Short sentences.” 

Janus breathed in as much air as he could without choking, and closed his eyes again, wincing as though just that motion hurt him. “W-what happened?” 

Remus and Virgil looked at each other. Neither had spoken about it -let alone spoken at all- since dawn, and weren’t entirely sure they wanted to relive the trauma. 

Finally, Remus explained. “Something happened with the truck, the gas pushed all the way down and got stuck. I didn't even touch it…” He still seemed out of it, possibly feeling guilty about the situation. “We crashed and the truck exploded.” 

“We just barely got you out of the fire and we thought…” Virgil added. “Well, you were almost dead all day.” 

“So, you’re telling me,” Janus started, pausing to take a breath. “That I missed the explosion-” Another breath. “-and we didn’t even die?” 

Virgil wasn’t sure whether to laugh, cry from relief, or cry from all the negative emotions welled up inside him. Remus spoke before he could do any of those things, however. 

“I’m pretty sure you did die. You stopped breathing for a while.” He seemed to be trying to go back to his usual self. 

“How unfortunate.” Janus replied softly, in such a way that made one wonder whether he was being sarcastic or not. 

_At least_ , Virgil thought optimistically, _He’s back to his usual half-sarcasm._

“So, where are we?” 

“That’s a good question.” Virgil admitted. “We can’t be too far from the warehouse, not that anyone is there besides Steve. Who may or may not be dead.” 

“Shit…” Janus hissed. “Everything hurts like hell. How come you two are fine?” 

Virgil looked away. “You hit your head on something -I don’t know what- which opened that big cut and also knocked you out. From what I remember, anyway.” 

Remus continued the story. “The glass shattered and Emo and I were able to cover our faces, but you got the full of it.” 

“I think your leg got messed up when we first hit the ground from the cliff.” Virgil finished. 

“But what about my lungs?” Janus asked. When he received no response, he sassed, “No, I’m just doing a Darth Vader impression for the fun of it. My ribs feel very broken.” 

Virgil winced. “They might be broken…” 

Janus did his best to sigh. “Well isn’t this _lovely_ . I went to work today expecting to go home and finish that bottle of wine, maybe try out some of those new soothing face masks I got. And now I can’t even open my eyes to see how awful my hair looks. I’m sure it looks just _wonderful_ with blood caked in it.” 

“I don’t know what you’re talking about,” Remus scoffed. “Blood is hot as fuck.” 

“That’s- sure.” Virgil shrugged. “Anyway, Janus, I think he’s trying to say you look fine. Also, how is _that_ your priority.” 

“Excuse you, do you have any idea the money I’ve spent on proper hair treatments?” 

“I think the word you’re looking for is ‘wasted’.” Virgil said with an eyeroll. 

Remus clapped excitedly. “Ooh, yes! Let’s get wasted!” 

“No, no one is getting wasted!” Virgil exclaimed. “Janus is half dead and we’re still stranded in the middle of nowhere!” 

“Oh, come now-” Janus was interrupted by a fit of coughs. He cleared his throat and continued. “I’m not half dead, I’m like at least three-fourths of the way dead.” 

“Eh, I’d give it a five out of six.” Remus objected. 

Virgil sighed. “My mistake.” He said dryly. He began to look around in the thickening darkness for... something. He felt as though they needed to get somewhere now that Janus was awake, but where? Where was there to go? There didn’t seem to be any towns within walking distance (especially since “walking distance” for Janus was going to round up to about 4 inches max.), and it’s not like they had any way to call for help. 

His vision grew blurry as his mind began to wander. Would anyone even notice they were missing? Virgil didn’t have many people who would even suspect anything, besides maybe Roman, Logan, or Patton if he was lucky. But what about Janus? He probably had a family or maybe a few friends in town, would they be worried? Every thought carried with it another pang of guilt, each stronger than the last. Of course, from a rational standpoint, none of this was Virgil’s fault. He’d only done what he had been trained to do by taking Logan’s job offer, he hadn’t even harmed Roman in any way, he’d opened up to Patton about something he wouldn’t normally share to a stranger, and he’d gone on a simple date with Janus only to have to continually refuse a job after giving up a life-style he’d never even started. He hadn’t done anything _wrong._

But Virgil wasn’t known for his rational thinking. From his eyes, it looked as though he’d been too weak to find another way out of a situation he didn’t want to be in, had driven the knife deeper into Roman and Logan’s odd and unstable relationship, made a stranger pity him unnecessarily, and led an innocent into a scene he’d never signed up to play in. He felt as though all he’d done was fail; he couldn’t be the assassin his dad wanted, he couldn’t be the normal fucking person society wanted, he couldn’t even do anything to stop his new friend from dying in the wilderness. 

So, needless to say, he felt pretty shitty. But he internalized this and said nothing. He couldn’t be weak when Janus couldn’t move, and he couldn’t break down when Remus was silent for possibly the longest Virgil had ever known him to be. _He_ had to be the strong one. _He_ had to be the brave one. 

For however long they may sit there. 

~

And it turned out to be quite a while. Janus had suggested more ice-breakers to break the awkward tension, such as taking turns playing Two Truths and A Lie. 

“That just sounds like normal speech for you.” Virgil said. 

Janus rolled his eyes to the best of his ability. “Totally not, I have no idea what you’re talking about.” 

“I’ll start!” Remus declared. “Number One, my deodorant’s flavour is spiced egg shells; Number Two, this is the second car crash I’ve been in; and Number Three, I have a twin.” 

Virgil raised an eyebrow in Remus’s direction. “...Flavour?” 

“How is that fair?” Janus complained. “You survive two accidents while I wake up from one after a full day and can hardly breathe.” 

"Are we going to ignore that he said flavour?” 

“Are you going to guess?” Remus prompted. 

Virgil shrugged. “Having a twin seems the most normal so I think that’s the lie.” 

Janus thought for a moment more before answering. “I think you have a twin, and I fully believe this isn’t your first car crash because the universe likes to spite me. The deodorant flavour is wrong.” 

Remus’s jaw dropped. “How the fuck did you guess that?” 

“I have a talent for telling when people are lying.” Janus winked in spirit. “So, what flavour is it actually?” 

“It’s pickled poo-logs.” Remus cackled. 

“I-” Virgil exhaled deeply. “...am not surprised.” 

“So, I’ve made a good impression, then!” 

“I’m not sure if ‘good’ is the word you meant to put there.” Janus corrected. “Maybe, ‘accurate’ is a better fit.” He let out a rogue cough, or as he liked to call it: ‘a painful reminder that he was, in fact, dying’. “Anyway, my turn.” 

“I get the sense you don’t play fair-” Virgil started. 

“Okay, One, I _totally_ have never in my life not seen a polar bear. Two, I _certainly_ never have and won’t ever have adorable pet snakes. Three, I never used to not work as a part time stage magician because I was bored as a kid and _didn’t_ want to learn magic tricks.” 

Virgil just stared. “Bullshit, no! I’m not answering that-” He sputtered. “I don’t even know what that means!” 

Janus just laughed lightly. “You lose then. Remus?” 

“Hmm, you give me magician vibes, with your sleight of hands that can do oh, so many things-” 

“No, no, you quit that right now.” Virgil interrupted flatly. 

“Fiiiiine.” Remus groaned. “With your sleight of hands that can-” 

Janus cut him off again. “It’s sleight of _hand_.” 

“Jesus Christ, both of you- I will glue your fucking lips together so I can give my answer!” Remus exclaimed. “Anyway. You haven’t seen a polar bear. That’s my guess.” 

“Correct.” Janus replied simply. “Oh! I have to introduce you guys to my snake babies when we get out of here!” 

“You’re awfully optimistic.” Virgil commented. 

Janus hissed softly. “I _will_ see my snakes again and I don’t care if I’m dead when I do. They are precious and I love them.” 

“I think he likes his snakes.” Remus whispered. 

“Yeah, no shit.” Virgil whispered back. 

It was then that Virgil began to feel the cool drops of rain on the back of his neck. They were few and far between, but the air was still thick with humidity and the precipitation was sure to pick up in short time. He began to scan the area, squinting in the dim moonlight, for something they could use as shelter. He didn’t think it was a great idea for an already weak and chilled Janus to be exposed to the cold rains. He noticed something glint in the dark and tried to get a better look. 

“It's raining isn't it?” Janus asked, not out of annoyance, but genuine curiosity. 

“It's about to. It's just sprinkling now.” 

“Oh, wonderful.” The blonde man exclaimed. “I _loathe_ the rain.” 

Virgil gave him a curious stare. “You're freezing-" 

“I'm always cold.” 

“Okay... That doesn't mean you should soak in _more_ cold water.” 

“What's wrong with being moist?” Remus piped in. Virgil tried to shoot him a look. 

“And what idea do you have?” Janus questioned. 

Virgil glanced back at the dull glimmer in the distance. Just then, it hit him what it was. 

“The truck!” 

“Honey, that sort of _exploded._ ” 

“No, the storage part!” Virgil explained. “It's still there! We can sit in there for shelter.” 

“But Janus's leg is dead.” Remus pointed out. “How will we get there?” 

“We can carry him.” 

Janus sighed. “Just don't drop me.” 

“No promises.” Remus grinned maniacally. 

They eventually managed to lift Janus up from the ground and evenly distribute the weight between Virgil and Remus. Walking slowly and trying to avoid tripping over sticks and rocks, they carried Janus toward the glint of light. It wasn't far away, not more than a couple of metres, but it still took a few minutes to get there and get Janus settled. They propped him up against the side wall and caught their breath. 

“Wow, that was nice. I should almost die more often.” 

“Please don't.” Virgil groaned. “Besides, you should be not talking to save your breath.” 

“I’m fine.” 

“You mean, you want to annoy Virgil.” Remus corrected. “I’m in, let’s do it.” 

“I’m not _annoying_ Virgil,” Janus argued. “I’m just... messing with him.” He smirked slightly. 

Virgil treated him with a flat stare that no one could see. “Explain to me how that’s different.” 

“No.” 

“I don’t _have_ to stay here with you, you know.” Virgil teased. “I can leave whenever I want.” 

“And go where, exactly?” 

Virgil crossed his arms. “Somewhere where there aren’t two chaos demons trying to relieve the only sane person of his working brain cells.” 

“Janus, he’s abandoning us!” Remus mocked hurt by putting a hand to his chest. “We’re all he has left and he’s leaving us!” 

“Don’t worry Remus, he’ll be back.” Janus assured. “Soon you’ll see, he’ll remember that he’s dating _me_.” 

“What is that supposed to mean?” Virgil asked cautiously. 

“Only that I’m irresistible, darling.” 

Virgil snorted. “I don’t think I can even argue that.” 

“It’s ‘cause I’m right.” 

“I am becoming determined to get out of here _only_ so you two fuckers can get a room.” Remus stated plainly. “Unless you’re into roughin’ it while getting rough.” His grin returned. 

“That was a horrible joke and it _totally_ doesn’t make me wish I had died earlier.” Janus groaned, a slight blush creeping up on his face. 

~

After a while, the conversation slowed and Remus noticed Virgil drifting off every few minutes. He pointed this out and they agreed to take turns watching over Janus while the other slept, since the man in question had already fallen back asleep and he had no means to protect himself from whatever may come. Remus offered to keep watch first, since he wasn’t sure he could sleep anyway. He had too much on his mind for that. 

He truly had no idea what had happened. He didn’t even touch the pedal, he thought he was still holding down the brake when it had suddenly accelerated without warning. And then the brake didn’t work, and he couldn’t stop the truck. He couldn’t process anything Virgil was saying to him as the vehicle hurtled past the trees, all he could think about was trying to stop it. When it finally ended, he went into shock, paralyzed in fear of... himself. He was crazy, anyone could see that. But was he crazy enough to get his friend nearly killed in a freak accident? He didn’t think so, but then again, he didn’t think he’d touched the pedal either. He’d like to blame it on the truck malfunctioning, but there was a deep part of him that told him that was a lie. 

He shook his head of these thoughts. He sat there thinking the same ones all day, he didn’t need a repeat of that. He, instead, turned his attention to his two new friends. His eyes, which had adapted to the darkness by now, directed their line of sight toward Janus. The man who, just hours ago, had been the sassy, mysterious flirt, was now a broken mess of dried blood and torn skin. His bright yellow radiance had been dulled and muddied, and yet, he still seemed to keep his charm and elegance. And he was still fun as hell, which Remus found particularly endearing. 

Virgil; meanwhile, was less impulsive, but Remus figured he had to have some chaos energy in him. After all, he _did_ know how to properly kill someone which was a win in Remus’s book. But besides that, he was just fun to mess with. He didn’t seem to take everything Remus said seriously like most people would. Not to mention, he appeared to have a similar sense of humour to some of Remus’s bleaker jokes. 

On top of all of that, they were both just adorable. Janus was the classy and dapper kind of adorable while Virgil was the ‘I’m not adorable and I drink coffee as dark as my soul’ adorable and Remus’s heart couldn’t take it. He couldn’t tell if he liked them, or if he just found them both cute- because they weren’t the same thing. But they must have been similar enough because his heart didn’t know. So, like any rational person, he ignored all of that! 

He decided that no more thinking was better and just stared at the ground for a while, tracing obscene doodles in the dirt with his finger and not thinking about anything in particular. Well, trying to, as forcing thoughts out of one’s mind didn’t work as well as one might think. He tried to distract himself by thinking about other things, but every new train of thought either led back to fear and guilt, or fear and confusion. Eventually, his brain seemed to have worn itself out playing hot potato with unwanted thoughts and he felt himself dozing off before jolting awake every few seconds. 

One of which times, he was awoken by the hushed sound of whispering. His eyes flew open and he realized Virgil and Janus were awake and talking to each other in low voices. He couldn’t make out what they were saying, nor did he get a chance to try, for Virgil noticed his awakening almost immediately. 

“Hey.” He said simply. “You fell asleep a little while ago, just in time for me and Janus to wake up, so we let you rest.” 

“Oh.” Remus’s feelings of drowsiness from earlier had dissipated, but he still felt somewhat groggy from just waking up. “Did you guys do anything interesting?” 

“Oh yes, so many things.” Janus replied sarcastically. “I got up and tap danced, broken leg and all. And then after that, I baked a three-tiered cake out of all of the surplus food we have, and then topped it off by drinking an entire bottle of much needed alcohol.” 

“Well, that sounds like a party.” Remus remarked. “If only I’d been awake to make it even more fun.” 

“Ah, yes it was just so lively.” Janus added. 

“You guys, you know there's this thing where you speak like normal people-" Virgil suggested. 

Remus pouted. “Aw, but where's the fun in that?” 

As it turned out, there wasn't much fun in any of the situation. It was boring sitting in the cold for hours with nothing to do but talk. Janus had begun to grow restless and wished he could get up and do something, or at least shift his position. He couldn't even sleep properly for long, and Virgil and Remus had both fallen back asleep. It was almost like being unconscious all day didn’t leave you particularly tired come nightfall. Go figure. By the time the sun started to creep up from beyond the trees, Janus was growing rather tired of just sitting there. How bad could a broken leg and possibly broken rib really be? Sure, he couldn’t see either, or... breathe properly- but he was bored enough to not care. What would any of that do to stop him? 

Apparently, quite a lot. He tried to use his hands to push himself up, thinking he could at least get to a position where he could crawl, but this only shot a sharp stab of pain through his chest. He faced another internal attack as he shifted back to his original position, stifling a yelp as he did so. He didn’t want to wake the others, but he was just so anxious to move somewhere else. He hated limitations. At least with Remus and Virgil awake, he had had someone to talk to, but now all he had was his own thoughts to listen to, and as lovely as those were, they weren’t just _so_ new and exciting and _totally_ didn’t just bore him out of his mind. Which is an ironic statement, considering the problem resided in his mind- 

And so, he sat for a while, cursing the world until Virgil finally woke up again. 

“Well, someone was tired.” Janus said, cutting Virgil off before he could even say ‘good morning’. “This is at least the third time you’ve fallen asleep I believe.” 

“Says the man who slept literally all day yesterday.” Virgil countered sleepily. 

“Says the man who nearly died.” Janus corrected. “Anyway, I’m not tired now.” 

Virgil yawned loudly. “I can see that.” 

“Lucky you.” 

~

Unfortunately, the rest of the morning was just as boring, until about midday. 

“Can I open my eyes now?” Janus asked indignantly. “It’s just so _wonderful_ being blind, you know.” 

Virgil paused to think for a moment. “I don’t know... They look really cut up, and I’m not sure if opening them will cause any further damage.” 

“Well, they don’t hurt right now.” The blonde man reasoned. “Besides, what harm could it do? I’m already broken beyond repair-” 

“Calm down edge-lord.” Virgil interjected. 

“Says you.” Jested Remus. 

Janus gave up on finishing his original point. “I’m just gonna do it!” He shouted before Virgil could object. 

He took a deep, slow breath before opening them. He had hardly moved at all when he immediately felt something sharp and needle-like pierce his left eye and he promptly cried out in pain. “Ow! Shit!” 

Virgil gasped. “What? What happened?” 

“Ow, I still have fucking glass in my eye- and it hurts like hell!” Janus explained, his heart quickening its pace. “I moved it so _very_ much and it- fuck, it burns-” 

“Here,” Remus thrust something softinto Janus’s hands. “Spit into it and put it over your eye.” 

“Spit into it?” 

“Just do it.” 

Janus obeyed, and while it didn’t completely soothe the pain, it did feel a little better after a while of holding it there. “How did you know that would work?” 

“I read something however long ago that said you can hold a wet cloth over your eye if you have glass in it to relieve it.” Remus explained. “I didn’t know if it was true and we don’t have any water, but I figured it wouldn’t hurt to try. At least if it didn’t work, I would have just made you stick spit in your eye, which would have been extremely funny.” He flashed his signature maniacal grin. 

“Well,” Janus switched to holding the cloth in his other hand so he could lean on his newly free hand. “At least it’s helping, because this is gross.” 

Janus managed to open his right eye and saw Virgil roll his eyes. “Says the man covered in his own blood.” 

“You’re forgetting the breath he wasted complaining about that too, though.” Remus pointed out. 

Janus just sighed and tried to take in his poorly depth-perceived surroundings with his one eye. The sun was bright and shone into a small area of the storage trailer they sat in. He wished he could go and sit out in the warm sun, but just because he’d gotten half of his vision back, it still didn’t mean he could move any more. 

The sun left again after a few more hours of on-and-off conversation amongst the three of them. They hadn’t talked about anything in particular for long, mostly just entertaining mindless discussions and banter, but Janus had grown rather fond of the company Remus and Virgil provided. He could think of no one better to be stranded in the wilderness with than the two of them. Not that he was close enough with anyone else he knew to want to be stranded out in the wilderness with them, but that was beside the point. And as he drifted off to what he hoped would be a more permanent sleep, he had the thought that the other two made slowly dying at least a little interesting. And that was something to be optimistic about. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If you're wondering about why the time is off between the two parties, you're not alone! I, too, am wondering why I didn't realize sooner -_- Essentially, what happened is, I fucked up and that's why so many days pass by for our chaotic bois at the end there. I needed to catch the timeline back up. By the next part it should be back to normal so don't try to think about it too hard (like I did. And then tried to tear my own hair out over it.)


	4. Part 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Uh. So Part 4 is here. I... I really hope this is good. I tried to change up my usual style with more metaphors and such but I may or may not have overdone it.  
> TW: you know the drill. except there is an actual dead person in this chapter so be careful. there's also remus. and also a lot of unnecessary references and shameless quoting so i'm sorry.

Roman blinked himself awake as his head bonked against the car window, vaguely aware of the glow of a passing streetlamp which blurred in his tired vision. He’d been having a wonderful dream in the three minutes he’d been asleep. And yet, strangely enough, he couldn’t remember for the life of him what it was about. He could only just picture the lights of a theatre stage when he tried to recall it. But based on that and the lingering feeling of happiness, he assumed it was a good dream. He’d always loved the theatre. And happiness; that was good too. 

And then of course there was the dreamy nerd to the left of him. Roman hadn’t seemed to be able to catch a break from this catching of feelings, but it certainly didn’t help that every time he looked over at Logan, his heart began to trying to escape his ribcage. 

_Stop it,_ He told his heart. _Stay put._

His heart refused and tugged at the locks on his sternum aggressively, occasionally taking breaks to cry out dramatically to him. Not that this surprised him; it was _his_ heart after all. 

That didn’t mean he enjoyed it, though. 

Gah! Who gave him the right to be that hot? Roman couldn’t even quickly feign sleep if Logan looked over at him because he couldn’t close his eyes over pure mesmerisation. Which resulted in some odd glances being tossed at him from the bespectacled man. 

_Stop staring at him!_ He scolded his eyes. _You’re making me look like a creep._

_Stop denying your feelings and ask him out!_ Screamed his heart. 

And of course, his brain had to join the argument too, _Stop pining over a guy who didn’t even like you platonically half a week ago._

“I’m not _pining_.” Roman whispered out loud. He quickly covered his mouth and looked away out the window before he could see if Logan heard. Face red, he glared at his reflection as though the expression would somehow reach his disobedient heart. 

“Did you say something, Roman?” 

_Well,_ He thought collectively. _May as well go die of shame now._

“Um.” Roman looked around for some excuse. “No, I was just... uh...” 

Logan shrugged and slightly turned the steering wheel. “That’s alright, you don’t have to tell me.” 

Roman bit his lip, and in doing so, gave his heart the distraction it needed to reach up and give a message to his larynx. 

“Logan, can I say something crazy?” Frozen reference. Of course. Logan glanced at him curiously and he took that as cue to continue. “This probably isn’t the time, but I kinda-maybe-really like-” They hit a bump in the road, which incidentally created a lot of noise. Noise that drowned Roman’s confession. 

The man in a blue necktie sighed a bit in annoyance at the increasingly bumpy road before glancing back at the redhead. “My apologies, what were you saying, Roman?” 

And just like that, his burning flame of confidence went out and his heart gave up with a defeated sigh. It was most likely pointless anyway, the chances of Logan being into guys at all were slim to begin with, much less reciprocating the feelings of a man who irritated him on a daily basis. Even if that wasn’t so anymore... 

“I, uh... Nothing.” _Smooth_. 

Logan gave him another quick inquisitive look before turning his attention back to the road. 

Ugh, what was wrong with him? Normally he’d have some huge, romantic gesture planned out, but... he just felt so uncharacteristically nervous with Logan. Maybe it was the stress from worrying about Virgil, or maybe he subconsciously felt abandoned or insecure because of this whole thing on top of rarely ever seeing his brother, whom he missed- 

No. Nope. Not thinking about that. Not today, not... well, hopefully not ever. He wished the insecure feelings would just evaporate as quickly as his confidence had, so he could go back to being his fearless, flawless self. 

He sighed, shaking his head. He should be worrying about Virgil, not some hopeless unrequited love story. He hoped he was okay. He only knew him for half a day, but finding him was the least he could do in return for helping him become actual friends with Logan- 

_Stop thinking about Logan_. He lectured himself, annoyed with how often he had to have this internal discussion. _You’re just depressing yourself._

Okay... Distraction... He decided to recite his favourite Disney and Broadway musical songs in his head to shift his focus. It was okay for a while, but after some time, the only songs he could think of were depressing, one-sided love songs. Great distraction those were. 

Why couldn’t he stop thinking about him? It was just a crush; it wasn’t like he had fallen madly in love with him over such a short time or anything. But if that was the case, what was up with the love-sick thoughts that plagued his mind? Did he really just crave a dramatic love story that badly? 

And so, his heart and his mind discussed and argued in the dark while he tapped his fingers along to “If I Could Tell Her” from Dear Evan Hansen. All he could do was try to drown out their voices with the music. 

* * *

Virgil woke up in a cold sweat. Gasping and trying to find something to hold onto, his eyes shot open and it was several seconds before he remembered where he was. He took deep, shaky breaths until he convinced himself his lungs were working again. He had been drowning just moments before, or so it had seemed. He must have drifted off a while ago and then dreamt of thrashing under 10 feet waves, desperately struggling for air in the frigid water. By the time his breathing had slowed to its normal pace, he noticed Remus was awake and watching him with mild concern. 

“Dream of choking on something?” He asked in a suggestive tone Virgil wasn’t a fan of. 

“Ew, don’t say it like that.” He rolled his eyes. “But don’t worry about it, it’s fine.” 

Remus snickered. “Oh, I wasn’t worrying about it; I just wanna know whose c-” 

_“Stop.”_ Virgil protested, his face growing hot. “It wasn’t _that_.” 

“What was it then?” 

“It was...” For some reason he felt he wanted to talk about it, even though his anxiety was telling him no. “It was water, like I was drowning...” 

“Did it start that way, or did you fall into the water?” 

Virgil looked at him curiously. “I... I think it started that way. I don’t remember anything else besides the drowning.” 

“Hmm,” Remus started. “Maybe it has to do with you feeling trapped or suffocated by something?” 

The former assassin blinked. “Um. I don’t know...” He tried to think back to anything besides the water, but that was all he could recall. “Can I ask why you’re analysing my dreams?” 

“It’s interesting.” The other man shrugged. “Dreams are film-like thoughts you can’t control; I think it’s fun to see if they symbolise anything or if they’re just meaningless crack-thoughts and sex dreams.” 

“Huh.” Virgil hadn’t realized the more observant, analytical side of Remus before; although, he couldn’t say it was a side of him he necessarily disliked. It was nice to know that the man was more complex than crude humour and violence. “So... you think I might feel trapped?” 

Remus shrugged again. “I’m no expert, but that’s what it sounds like to me.” 

Virgil thought about what might be making him feel trapped. And the more things he thought about, the more sense it made. He had felt trapped for half his life when his father forced him into assassination, he felt trapped when he took his first job and didn’t want to agitate Roman any more than he already had, and now he was literally trapped out in the wilderness with nowhere to go and nothing to do but wallow in his own misery and make sure his friends didn’t die. 

“I guess I do feel trapped. By everything.” He looked down at his hands. “It’s like... every time I escape one trap, a new one comes along just to spite me.” He closed his hands into tight fists to mimic trapping something in them. 

Remus gave an empty laugh. “I get that.” He reached up and ran his fingers through his hair, which reminded Virgil of someone... “Eventually I got tired of that bullshit and left everything to roam the world on my own.” 

“Where are you originally from?” 

“Oh, same city as you two. After I finished college, I stole a motorcycle from some dick-bag and left town.” Virgil raised his eyebrows in surprise. “Let me tell you, it was _quite_ the story.” 

Virgil looked around before turning back to Remus. “You’ve intrigued me.” 

And as the man so claimed, it was quite the story. And it was also the perfect distraction; Virgil had relaxed a bit since his awakening, the worries subsiding to a corner of his mind. However, the initial questions were replaced with wonderings of whether Remus’s redirection from anxious thoughts was intentional. It didn’t much seem like it, but the man had already proved to have more in common with onions than just odour: 

Layers. 

* * *

“It’s beautiful.” Roman breathed, taken aback by the sunrise that slowly illuminated the wilderness. 

“Yes, it’s magnificent.” Logan agreed. He heard a car door open behind him and a groggy voice to follow. 

“What’s magnificent?” Patton yawned, walking up to where Roman and Logan had become distracted by the scenery. 

“Everything.” Roman answered vaguely, gesturing around him. 

Patton looked around at the pretty trees and agreed. He then focused his attention on the warehouse across the road. “You really think Virgil’s there?” He asked, looking toward it hopefully. 

“That’s his phone’s last known location.” Logan checked the screen that showed this on his own device as if to confirm it. “If he’s not there, hopefully he’s somewhere nearby.” 

Roman turned away from the captivating view and began walking toward the warehouse. “We had better go find out then.” 

Logan and Patton followed him inside where they were met with a rather disturbing scene. The wall to the left had been obliterated by something large, and storage crates were scattered around, their contents littered about the floor. To the right, a small office door was wide open and hanging halfway off the hinges. The three looked at each other as though trying to mentally exchange some assessment of the scene. 

After he could find words, Roman suggested they split up; they could cover more ground in their search for Virgil/clues to find Virgil that way. Patton went to search the office and Roman began looking around in the storage areas, while Logan started investigation on the ruined walls. He had just begun to study the damage when he heard Patton scream. Nearly jumping in shock, he turned and rushed to the office, only to find Patton backed into a corner and staring at something in the middle of the room. 

“Patton, are you al- Oh my.” Roman rushed in just behind Logan and gasped. “Holy Hera...” 

Logan followed the line of sight of the other two and his eyes widened. “Is... Is he dead?” 

“I-” Patton’s voice shook. “I think...” 

Logan stepped forward cautiously and began to examine the body. The man appeared to have been dead for a few days, and he had a large head wound, as if he had been hit by something heavy. “He seems to have been bludgeoned to death. How savage.” 

Roman looked at him oddly. “I wouldn’t take you to appreciate that kind of thing, Logan.” 

“Appreciate? I just said- Oh, of course.” Logan groaned, pulling out a notecard and pen. He scribbled the slang definition on the card, realizing his error. 

Patton bit his lip nervously. “Y-you don’t think...” The other two looked up at him curiously. “You don’t think... Virgil did this... do you?” 

Roman’s eyes widened. “I... hope not. I mean, it doesn’t _seem_ like Virgil, but-” 

Logan just shook his head. “I’m sure Virgil wouldn’t do this. Even if he isn’t who he says he is, I can hardly imagine him beating a man to death with some sort of club. Besides, I was under the impression that we decided that distrust was better replaced with caution?” 

Patton considered this and nodded. “You’re right, we shouldn’t jump to conclusions.” 

“Precisely. We haven’t even any knowledge about who this person is and how, if at all, he’s connected to Virgil and/or Janus.” Logan pointed out. 

“What’s that in his pocket?” Roman asked, pointing toward the man’s jacket pocket which appeared to contain something. 

Logan crouched down and carefully removed it; he then held it in front of him so the others could see. “It’s a cell phone... But whose?” He wondered, turning it on and opening the messaging app. “Ah, like I suspected. It’s Virgil’s; see the message history?” He showed the other two the previous texts between him and Virgil. 

“So Virge was here for sure then?” Patton asked. 

“I am assuming so, yes.” 

“So, who’s this guy?” Roman squinted at the body. “No, wait. I’m going to guess his name is... Steve McDonald.” 

“...Why?” 

“I don’t know, Lo.” The redhead shrugged. “He just looks like a Steve.” 

Logan gave up early on asking why he felt the need to name a corpse (and also debating that he did _not,_ in fact, look like a Steve, but go off.) and instead said, “Well we should look for more clues about where to find Virgil and then call the police to take care of the body.” 

The blonde man eyed the empty shell of a person uneasily. “Patton,” Logan looked over at him. “If you do not feel comfortable in this office, I will trade places with you.” 

Patton smiled gratefully. “Thanks, kiddo.” He and Roman left the room and Logan turned to look around. He noticed the water dispenser was broken and that there were some pencil marks on the office desk. The cover of a vent had fallen from the ceiling and there were pens and rubber bands scattered about the room. It was quite a mess, but it was not nearly as bad as outside the office. 

He began to examine the pencil marks on the desk when he realized they were drawings. They were even quite good, Logan observed. Intricate sketches of roses, dahlias, lilies, tulips, and pansies littered about meadows; very aesthetically pleasing if he was being truthful. He attempted to recall any time Virgil might have drawn something, trying to remember if the style matched to determine whether he had made the drawings. Unfortunately, Logan was almost certain he hadn’t. He decided to take a quick picture with his phone before moving on, though. 

He looked around for a bit longer, but after not finding anything else of use, he left the office to regroup with the others. 

“Did either of you discover any clues?” 

Patton shook his head while Roman discreetly slipped something into his own pocket and stayed silent. 

“Although, I think whatever went through this wall,” Patton said. “Went through to the outside wall too.” He gestured for Logan and Roman to follow him past the broken wall and through to another in a similar state through which they could see Logan’s car out on the road and a cliff further out. Unfortunately, no trace of the object remained. All that was there were some crushed wild jonquils and rainflowers. 

“What could break through the walls so easily?” Roman wondered aloud. 

Upon closer inspection, Logan noticed some very faint tire tracks in the dirt that were just barely visible. “...Something mobile, perhaps.” He muttered. “The question, however, is: Can we catch it?” 

Roman gave a slight chuckle. “You’re giving me Sherlock vibes right now.” 

“I am?” 

“Yeah, you’re going all detective-y and stuff.” Roman looked like he was going to say something else but changed his mind. 

“Oh.” Logan adjusted his glasses. “Well, I’m fairly certain ‘detective-y’ is not a word, but... thank you, I suppose.” 

Patton looked between them for a few seconds before breaking the awkward silence that had settled. “Well, we should probably get going or... something.” 

“Right, of course.” Logan cleared his throat, somewhat confused about what had just happened. 

* * *

“I’m not saying you’re _wrong_ for putting pineapple on pizza,” Remus explained to Janus and Virgil. “I’m just saying you’re a filthy heathen and I’m going to eat your skin cells.” 

“Really?” Virgil snorted. “I definitely would have taken you for the type of person to put pineapple on pizza-” 

“Oh no, I much prefer durians.” Remus wrinkled his nose. 

“-Aaand there is it.” 

Janus rolled his eye. “You’re all missing the obvious combo of wine and margherita.” 

Virgil raised an eyebrow. “You… you don’t eat them together, do you?” 

Janus laughed. “Of course not.” 

The man in violet squinted, seemingly trying to decipher whether he was telling the truth. 

“So, what’s your pizza fetish, Emo?” Remus asked Virgil. 

It was apparently just standard pizza because he was boring. He didn’t mind pineapple, though. Remus, once again, informed him of his wrong-ness. 

After a while they stopped talking and ran out of topics for conversation. 

Remus, in attempt to break the silence, said, “So… what do you guys… do for a living?” 

Virgil blinked. “Are- are you serious?” 

Another silence. 

“Well, _I_ work at Starbucks.” Janus stated. “Which is, I know, _super_ interesting. Compared to… y’know… other jobs.” 

Remus nodded. “I just kinda fuck around, to be honest.” 

“And I really suck at killing people.” Virgil added. “Janus is probably the only normal person in our squad.” 

“Ah! You admitted we’re a squad!” Remus shouted triumphantly. 

“Did I- did I oppose that before? What- that wasn’t ever even brought up-” Virgil stammered in confusion. 

Remus ignored him. “We’re a squad of squids!” 

“Squids?” 

“Uhm, excuse you.” Janus coughed. “I am a _snake_ , thank you not at all.” 

“Fine, a squid-snake squad.” 

“Why squids??” Virgil tried again to no avail. 

“Wait, Emo,” Remus stopped. “What animal would you be?” 

Virgil sighed. “I don’t know-” 

“Hmm, you seem like a cat person.” Janus said. 

“Or a spider…” Remus countered. “ _Spider Virge, Spider Virge_ _,_ _he’ll shock you_ _just like a power surge-_ ” He sang to himself. 

“Why am I shocking people? Guys, I’m barely following-” 

“Well wait,” Janus put up a hand. “I think you’re right with the spider. Because then we can all be ‘s’ animals.” 

“Exactly!” Remus agreed. “The Spider-Snake-Squid Squad.” 

Virgil just blinked a couple of times and shook his head. “I give up trying to understand you guys.” 

“I’ve given up trying to understand myself!” Remus said. “There is no rhyme or reason to what I do, I just do. A scoodly-boo. Oop- maybe there is a rhyme-” [Shameless quoting] 

“What?” 

“Just ignore him, he _definitely_ plans on explaining.” Janus advised. “Point is, we’re a squad now.” 

“I- alright.” Virgil sighed in defeat. “Anyway. Janus is the only normal one here. Well, I thought so anyway-” 

Remus grinned. “Unless, of course, you’ve got some dark secret you wanna share?” 

“Hmm. No, I think I’m normal.” Janus started. “No wait, sorry I forgot about the large amounts of corpses in my basement… the ones I’ve been meaning to get rid of.” 

Remus’s smile widened and his expression grew more psychotic, while Virgil gave Janus a look of horror and stared with his mouth agape in silence. 

“You… what?” 

“Ah, I’m just playing with you.” Janus smirked. “I’m kidding.” 

Virgil eyed him warily before deciding it would be almost hypocritical to continue to be suspicious. 

“Aw, I was hoping you were serious…” Remus pouted. “I’m all out of corpses…” 

“You guys, I will leave-” Virgil threatened, covering his ears and moving to stand up. 

The man in green rolled his eyes. “Fiiine.” He said reluctantly. 

Janus had stopped paying attention to the conversation. He was, instead, focused on something in the grass a foot or so away. Just far enough that he couldn’t reach it without moving, though. Fortunately, however, the something was moving toward him. 

“Janus? You alright there?” Virgil asked him after noticing he had stopped talking. 

Janus didn’t respond, but simply pointed at the thing. 

“Ooh a snake!” Remus shouted. He made to pick it up, but the snake slipped past his hands and slithered onto Janus’s lap. 

The man in yellow picked up the snake and began to cuddle it. “Aww, who’s a little baby snake? _Definitely_ not you!” 

He continued to make cooing noises while Virgil asked, a little alarmed, “I’m sorry, did you just summon a snake?” 

“They just know I’m their momma.” 

Meanwhile, Remus’s heart exploded because that was the cutest thing he’d ever seen. It was like Janus had seen the snake and become a whole different person, completely losing his filter. He looked over at Virgil, who seemed to be watching with a mixed expression of bewilderment and adoration. 

“You weren’t kidding when you said you liked snakes.” Virgil remarked. 

“Of course, I wasn’t.” Janus booped the snake on the nose. “I never say anything untrue, everything I say is completely factual and honest.” 

Virgil frowned. “No-” 

“Anyway, I’m adopting this baby now and no one can stop me.” Janus interrupted. 

“Do you just find your snakes… in the wild… and then bring them home?” Virgil wondered with concern. 

“No.” 

There was a moment in which Virgil sighed before looking to Remus after appearing to notice that he hadn’t said anything for more than five seconds (a new record). 

“Remus? Are you okay?” 

The man in green nodded vaguely and stared blankly ahead, too distracted by his internal squealing because Janus—and really, both he and Virgil—were just that adorable. 

He supposed he should feel sad; after all, they were already dating each other, and it had become obvious to him that he did in fact like the two of them. And yet, he didn't really feel as though he was. Sure, the chances of him ending up with either of them—let alone both—were slim at best, no matter how amazing that sounded. But he felt content just being friends with them, too. They were still fun to be around, and maybe they'd still be friends if they ever did get rescued. 

“You know what,” Virgil said suddenly. “We're gonna need some food here pretty quick.” 

Janus looked up from the snake. “What do you suggest we eat?” 

“Each other...?” Remus snickered. 

Virgil ignored the comment and looked around. “Well, I could go and look for something, but it would be faster with more than one person. Unfortunately, that leaves Janus defenceless.” 

“Oh hush, I'll be fine. At the very least, Will here can protect me.” His tone switched back to a something one would use to talk to a very small child. “Isn't that right? Yes, you can protect me, can't you? Aw, yes you can!” 

“You named him Will?” 

“It's William Snakespeare; it’s an excellent name and you're not allowed to judge me. No one is.” 

“I agree; it is excellent,” Remus said. “But consider: Reese Slitherspoon.” 

“Also good, but not nearly as perfect.” 

“Says you.” The man in green stuck out his tongue. “Anyway, am I going with Emo or not?” 

“ _No_ , I’m going to die all alone out here.” Janus waved the other two away. “Just go before it gets dark and I’m totally blind and I’ll be okay.” 

“You’re sure?” Virgil asked him. 

Janus just stared at him. “What, do you want it in writing? Just go! I know you’re probably anxious-” 

“All the time.” 

“….to get up and move again. God, let me finish.” He rolled his eye. “Now leave before it’s dark-” 

“Okay, okay! We’re going!” Virgil put his hands up in surrender. He and Remus began walking into the denser part of the forest in search of food. 

As they walked, Remus noticed some of the trees’ leaves had begun to die and become a mosaic of reds, oranges, and yellows. The hues reminded him of when he was young and tried to convince his brother that the leaves turned red when they died because they were bleeding. His twin didn’t like that very much and instead insisted that because his favourite colour was red and Remus’s was green, the leaves were just turning from green to red because they liked him better. Remus then stuck his tongue out and assured him they were bleeding to death. 

“So, we’ll probably want to be on the lookout for things like fruits and stuff.” Virgil said, breaking the silence. “Anything edible and nothing poisonous please.” 

“What about dirt?” Remus asked, stuffing a handful of dirt into his mouth to mess with the other man. 

Virgil stared in half-disgust, half-annoyance. “What part of “edible” did you manage to miss?” 

“The part where dirt wasn’t edible, apparently.” Remus answered. “Because I am pretty sure I am eating this dirt right now, therefore making it edible.” 

“That’s- that’s not how it works.” Virgil sighed for the hundredth time. “Whatever. Just try to find something. I’m gonna go a little ways this way; not too far though.” 

“Alright, don’t die.” Remus turned and began looking around to see if he could find anything of use. Or anything that looked fun. He was immediately distracted by the sudden urge to stuff random things into his mouth and gave up on finding food. 

Virgil returned a few minutes later carrying several handfuls of berries and pine needles. “Did you find anything- what are you doing?” 

“What’s it look like I’m doing?” Remus asked him, crossing his arms as the blood rushed to his head. 

“It looks like you’re going to fall-” This was astute, as Remus indeed fell off the branch headfirst into the ground before the sentence finished. “I don’t imagine you found anything while hanging upside down like an opossum?” 

Remus smirked. “I found this tree.” 

“No shit, but did you find anything useful?” Virgil tapped his foot impatiently. “I’m fine, but I have a feeling you and Janus are going to starve to death if we don’t find something.” 

“And what makes you so special?” 

Virgil rolled his eyes. “I’m not special, I’m just used to-” He cut himself off. “I mean… I just don’t eat all that much anyway. By choice.” 

Remus knew what he had been about to say and why he stopped, but he also knew gross, overdone sympathy wasn’t the answer. “Don’t worry,” He assured. “I’m not gonna bug you about whatever history you have as long as you’re fine now. Unless you need to talk.” There, even that was pushing it, but at least it was sappy enough for Virgil to know he was serious and that he cared. 

“Uh, thanks.” Virgil replied, clearly taken aback. Remus expected him to end it there, but to his surprise, he continued. “Normally when I mention my shitty life, people get all ‘Oh, you poor thing!’ which, I mean, it’s nice that they care because they’re right; I didn’t ask for this. But it’s also like, overwhelming because I don’t really feel deserving of sympathy, y’know?” His words spilled out like basket of eggs carried by a small child, each one falling and making room for another to follow suit and crash on the ground into a sticky mess. “I mean, it’s not like you really know my “tragic backstory” anyway, but that’s… okay? Well, not that I don’t trust you with it, but it’s like, I don’t really need to tell you everything because you didn’t ask like other people do- not that that’s really a bad thing- and not that I wouldn’t tell you if you really wanted to-” 

Remus’s eyes widened as Virgil panicked. “Woah, bitch, chill. It’s okay.” He reached tentatively, asking silent permission before placing a sturdy hand on Virgil’s shoulder. “I get it.” 

“I… I don’t even know what I’m saying.” The man in purple admitted, hiding his face in his hands. “I guess… I guess I’m just stressed. Everything has just been happening all at once, I’ve formed uncertain relationships with like five different people when I’m used to barely talking to anyone, and now it’s like I’m afraid of… like I’m afraid of being afraid… of people- or talking to them at least. Again.” 

Remus sat down onto the ground and motioned for Virgil to do the same. He took a few breaths to slow his talking pace and continued. “Back when I was in school, if I ever let anything slip that my dad was who he was or that I was scared being at “home”, people would immediately pity me and treat me like I was some helpless little kid. Teachers would pressure me into telling them everything I could about my dad –before my dad found out what I told them, and we moved areas of course— but I felt like I was… lying to them. I mean, my life wasn’t _that_ bad, right? I still had a dad; he cared about me and was just doing the best he could for us. It’s hard to be appreciative of people’s concern when you don’t feel all that deserving of the concern to begin with. So, I guess I just got really afraid of talking to people, for a long time. If I didn’t talk to people, then they wouldn’t ask about my homelife or my dad or how I was or whether I needed help. I guess I’m just afraid of that happening again. Especially since I kinda dived headfirst into this crazy situation with all these new people who have wondered how I got myself into this. Obviously, I told you guys a very basic summary of everything and Pa- a new friend of mine a more detailed story, but I just- I don’t want to… relive everything just to have to deal with people’s sympathy… I think.” He finished unconfidently. “I guess you’re just the first person to not… immediately jump down my throat trying to help.” 

“I get that.” Remus nodded, a little surprised to be having a heart to heart this early in the day. “Although, as a not-complete-psychopath, it is my duty to make sure that you are actually in a place where you’re safe _currently_ , yes?” 

“…Yeah. I think I’m gonna be okay. I wasn’t before, I know that now, and I’ll have to get a better job, but I’ll be okay from now on.” 

“Good. But anyway, yeah. I understand. Especially the not wanting to talk to people thing. As much as I love freaking people out, I never want to step over too many lines with people I care about, which can sometimes lead to me distancing myself for longer than I intend.” Remus explained honestly. 

Virgil tried to smile but instead shook his head. “I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to freak out a bunch, you literally told me I didn’t have to say anything, but here I am-” 

“I also said I’d talk to you if you needed it.” Remus pointed out. 

“I guess so. Thanks though, it’s nice to have someone who gets it.” 

And then they shared a smile for real. 

Which lasted until Virgil coughed awkwardly. “Well, we should, uh, probably find some food before Janus gets mauled by a bear or something.” 

Remus agreed, and they began to search for something edible, but with actual effort this time. After looking around with no little success for what felt like an hour, they decided to walk a bit and try a new area. 

* * *

“What do you think, William?” Janus whispered to his snake friend. “Should I take off and go after them?” 

The snake hissed. 

“You’re right, I can’t get up...” 

William just slithered onto Janus’s shoulder. 

“I wonder if they’re finding anything.” The man in yellow closed his eye and leaned back. “I hate being left out.” 

Another hiss from William. 

“I know that! I just... I don’t know. I just hate feeling like I’m missing the action. But now they’re both gone and I have to wonder what’s happening. They could be dead for all I know.” 

The snake wrapped himself around Janus’s arm and sibilated a reply. 

“Yeah, they probably aren’t dead.” Janus admitted. “But still.” He allowed himself to relax a little and just rehearse tongue twisters to himself as an attempt at entertainment. When his throat grew hoarse, he grew rather annoyed and wished for his companions to return quickly. 

* * *

It was while they were walking that Remus noticed Virgil was slower than before, and his breathing had become heavier, even though they were walking casually. They hadn’t gotten far before Virgil stumbled a bit and just barely managed to catch himself. 

“Are you okay? You’re walking like a zombie.” Remus asked him. 

“I’m fine.” Virgil breathed. “I’m just… tired.” 

Remus stopped. “You’re more hurt than you let on the other day.” 

“No, I’m not.” 

“Virgil, I can’t just let you be hurt!” 

“We can’t do anything about it. Besides, Janus has it way worse.” 

“That doesn’t mean you aren’t still hurt.” Remus thought for a moment. “I’ll carry you.” 

“Carry me?” Virgil turned. “Why?” 

“Clearly it hurts you to walk,” Remus said. “I’ll carry you, so you don’t have to waste your energy or hurt yourself.” 

“You can’t carry me and expect to find food.” 

“It’ll just be until we find some place to look around and then you’ll only be walking a little bit.” 

Virgil appeared to stew it over before sighing. “Fine, but don’t drop me, or I swear-” 

But Remus had already swept him up, while internally trying to convince himself that it wasn’t a big deal, and it was just so Virgil wouldn’t get hurt. That was all. 

Oh, but it was a big deal. It took everything in him not to just stare into Virgil’s eyes until he could remember them like looking at a photograph for life. Instead, he kept his gaze focused perfectly in front of him while he clicked his teeth softly to keep his sanity. He should have been looking for something edible, but he was so distracted that Virgil had to shout at him before he walked into a tree. 

“Alright, put me down; there’s a bush over there with some berries, I think.” Virgil instructed. Remus set him down gently. Virgil began studying the berries, trying to figure out if they were safe to eat, while Remus just stuffed a few into his mouth. 

“Remus! Are you insane?” Virgil looked up at him, horrified. “Those could be poisonous!” 

“Well, there’s only one way to find out if they are or not, isn’t there?” 

“No! There are tons of ways!” 

“Aw, but those are boring.” 

“Those are what make you not get killed!” Virgil argued exasperatedly. “You better hope those don’t make you sick, or worse.” 

“Nah, I’ll be fine.” Remus insisted. “Oh look! Dandelions! We can eat those, can’t we?” 

“Well apparently you can just eat anything…” Virgil muttered before affirming the question. Remus left the bush and went to pick as many dandelions as he could. Once again, a memory of his brother struck him as he recalled arguing over whether they were weeds or flowers. His twin claimed they were flowers because _clearly_ , they had petals! But Remus insisted they were weeds regardless. It occurred to him that he and his brother often fought over nature as children… 

After collecting a rather impressive batch, he turned to Virgil, wanting to say something but not sure what. 

“You know dandelions are meant to symbolise getting through hardships?” He said finally. 

“Oh?” 

Remus nodded. “Maybe that means we’ll get out of here.” 

“I wouldn’t get your hopes up. I can’t imagine wild plants are too reliable for fortune telling.” Virgil stated. 

“You’re right, we’re going to die another horrible death and the dandelions are just baiting us.” Remus grinned unnervingly. 

“Another?” 

“Well, I mean you and Jan-Jan have already died so many times, I’m the only immortal one here I guess.” 

“Wait, but- if Janus and I are still alive after “dying”, wouldn’t that make us immortal and you’d just be impenetrable?” Wordlessly, and without complaint from Virgil, Remus once again scooped up the other man and began walking back toward where Janus awaited them. 

“Oh no, I’m certainly penetrable.” 

Virgil groaned, (which further solidified Remus’s comparison to a zombie). “I thought you said you were asexual.” 

Remus just laughed. “That doesn’t mean I can’t _crack_ a joke.” He paused. “Get it? Because drugs-” 

“Yeah no, I got it.” Virgil sighed and muttered, “God, it’s worse than Patton’s...” 

“Patton?” Remus wasn’t sure he’d heard the name correctly. 

“Oh, uh, he’s a friend of mine.” 

“I see. I know a Patton too is all.” Remus added when Virgil gave him a curious look. The Patton he knew also loved to make “terrible” jokes. That’s where he himself picked it up from. He missed Patton. 

“Took you guys long enough!” Janus shouted (to the best of his ability) as they approached where he sat. “What’d you do, reinvent the wheel? I swear, I must have aged ten thousand years- wait what happened?” He stopped and his working eye widened. “Why are you carrying him?” 

Remus set Virgil down next to Janus. “He failed to inform us of how badly he was actually hurt in the crash.” He answered flatly. 

Janus scoffed, but not in a belittling way, more out of concern. “Bitch, what have I told you about self-care?” 

“Uh, to push someone down a flight of stairs if they prevent me from... caring for myself?” Virgil replied with uncertainty. 

“Exactly. Which also _definitely_ means pushing yourself more than you should.” 

“Um. Okay?” 

“Don’t “Um. Okay?” me.” Janus lectured. “Now, what’s the worst of the pain? I’ll see what I can do. Or what I can make Remus do because I’m still broken.” 

“I promise to try not to break your bones.” Remus swore. 

Virgil eyed the two of them suspiciously and then seemed to think for a moment before responding. “Well, my chest kind of hurts... Not like, _really_ bad, but it feels heavy... and I noticed my arm feels weaker than before. Also, my legs are really sore. I think that’s it...” 

Remus rolled his eyes. ““I’m fine” he says.” 

“Well, excuse me!” Virgil cried. “Janus here only bled half to death just the other day!” 

“Honey, Remus had to carry you.” Janus reasoned. 

“I mean he didn’t _have_ to carry me.” Virgil stared directly at Remus as though trying to communicate something with him. Unfortunately, Remus knew what that was. 

“Virge, making you relive your worst memories over and over again is not the same as trying to make sure you don’t bend over backward more than us two when we’re all in this together.” Remus told him, taking a serious tone he didn’t feel right using. Immediately, however, he reverted back to his normal voice. “Besides, the only arching of your back you should be doing is-” 

“That’s not really necessary, Remus.” Janus interrupted. “Point is, you don’t have to be the invincible protector of the group. We’re all in a shitty spot right now, it does us no good if none of us are taking care of ourselves.” 

Virgil was silent for a few moments until he exhaled deeply. “I- you’re right... I guess. I’ll... What do you even want me to do? If I can’t go out and find food and things we’ll starve, but it’s not like Janus can get up and wander through the trees to find us lunch and I don’t trust Remus not to unintentionally poison us.” 

“I was going to pretend to be offended, but you’re right so I can’t.” Remus said. 

Janus ignored him. “Well just take it easy for now. At the very least, you did find something, didn’t you?” 

“Yeah, some dandelions and suspicious berries.” Virgil responded. “I have no idea if they’re poisonous, but Remus hasn’t died yet so that’s something.” 

Janus held out his hand for Virgil to give him some of the berries. He then looked closely at them with his good eye as though trying to identify them. 

“These are... definitely berries.” He said finally. “At the very least, we can’t get any worse than where we’re at now.” And without warning, he tried a fruit. 

Virgil made a noise of part surprise, part frustration. He clutched his hair tightly until Janus lit up and said, “Oh these are elderberries!” 

“They are?” 

“Aha I knew it!” Remus exclaimed. “I knew they weren’t poisonous!” 

“No, you didn’t, you would have eaten them anyway.” Virgil said. 

“Right you are, Nightmare on Emo’s Street!” 

* * *

Red daisies. Perfect. Well, Roman would have gone with roses, but there wasn’t really an abundance of roses just lying about in the middle of nowhere. But Roman found red daisies, and they were going to work. Roman had planned it all out. Or rather, his heart had planned it all out. His mind was still on the fence. 

Step one: If they found nothing after searching for a while, Roman would suggest they take a break. 

Step two: He’d ask Logan to come with him under the impression he’d be showing him something interesting. 

Step three: Give Logan the daisies as a gesture of affection and confess his undying love via a series of poems. 

Okay, so maybe it was a little over the top. But that was the best thing he could come up with. 

And, well, it may have worked. Had he gotten the chance to try it. Instead, the group had run into a different predicament. 

~

“And they stop here!” Roman shouted in frustration. “Fantastic!” He paced and waved his hands wildly to illustrate the ludicrosity of the situation. 

“I fear you may be correct, Roman.” Logan admitted, failing to find more tire tracks and prove his friend wrong. “The question now is, where to go from here?” 

“We could try following the direction they’re facing in for a little while.” Patton supplied. 

Roman shook his head. “What if they turned and we just get farther away?” 

Logan paced a few steps back and forth. “What befuddles me is why they didn’t drive on the road...” He said thoughtfully. “It just doesn’t make sense. There’s nothing out here; where would they need to go that the road wouldn’t take them?” 

“You make a good point, Specs.” Roman nodded. “Unless, of course, it wasn’t intentional.” 

Patton and Logan looked up and stared at him. 

“What?” 

Patton wrung his hands nervously. “You don’t think they got into an accident, do you?” 

Roman’s eyes widened. “Wait- no that’s not what I- Well... maybe?” 

“That would explain it.” Logan added pensively. 

“But you don’t... No, they couldn’t... No...” Patton looked as though he was holding back tears. Roman adopted an empathetic expression and wrapped his arms around his roommate. 

“Aw, Padre,” He tried to comfort. “Don’t worry, I’m sure we’ll find them. We’ve got to; Virgil hasn’t even gotten to do a FamILY Movie Night with us yet.” 

Patton pulled a tissue out of his pocket. “You’re right. You’re always right.” 

“Is he?” Logan raised an eyebrow. 

“I’m not, but I’m still taking offence to that, Logan.” Roman pouted. 

“My sincerest apologies.” 

“What about you Logan?” Patton looked up. “Do you think we’ll find them?” 

Logan looked conflicted. “I...” 

Patton sniffed. He had seen the sheer amount of intellect Logan possessed and trusted his word on whether it was reasonable to expect a positive outcome. But the man had said nothing. And that was answer enough- 

“Patton, I think it’s certainly possible. To find them, that is.” He told him suddenly. “I couldn’t tell you the probability that we will, however. I would like to give you an answer that is both factual as well as favourable, and yet here I am, lost for words. The truth is, I don’t know whether we’ll find them, I don’t even know if we can trust them. I cannot honestly say I haven’t lost some hope myself, but we’ve still got some time and some searching left to do. I think the best thing we can do is just keep trying, and if that doesn’t work, then we’ll go to the authorities, and if even that fails-” 

“-we give up.” Patton finished soberly. 

Logan said nothing. 

“Well, come on, you gloomy gooses.” Roman said in an attempt to be cheerful. “We’ve still got a lotta steps before giving up, so let’s keep thinking!” 

“The term is ‘geese’, but you’re correct.” Logan agreed. “So, our best guesses are that they drove off the road for some unknown reason, or they crashed.” 

Patton pointed out that the tracks seemed to be facing toward the cliff. 

“Maybe they... went over it?” Roman suggested. 

“That couldn’t have gone well.” 

Patton took a short breath. “Oh, please, I hope they didn’t...” He hugged Roman even tighter. Roman laced his fingers through his friend’s and squeezed his hand in reassurance. Patton looked out over the cliffside and nearly felt sick. It wasn’t a mountain, but it was a good-sized cliff. If Virgil and Janus went over that, they could easily be... 

No. Patton wouldn’t allowed himself to think it. They were alive, and Roman, Logan, and he were going to find them. It was just a matter of time. They’d find Virgil and then go back home and have a Movie Night. Janus could even come too, assuming he was nice. And Logan could come if he wanted, and everything would be perfect. He’d make some more cookies and Roman would build a blanket fort in the living room. They wouldn’t ever have to worry about assassination or kidnapping or hacking or secrets ever again and everything would be right in the world. That’s what would happen, nothing else. The horrors of countless corpses and wrecked vehicles would never creep into Patton’s mind and he would continue to carry the sweet naivety of leaving his keys on his front porch, trusting that no one would take them. The worst thing that would plague his day-to-day would be the occasional annoyance. Not the unprovoked hiring of some mysterious annoyance assassin. Regardless of who he turned out to be. 

The sky began to swirl into a grey haze. 

_We’ll find him,_ He told himself. _Just you wait._

~

Well so much for the daisies. Roman stuffed them into his jacket pocket and tried not to look too dismayed by the mood change. His emotions were running wild trying to process everything at once. Virgil was missing, Virgil might be evil, Virgil might be dead, Logan hated him, well no he didn’t but he probably didn’t like him the same way, Patton was upset, his heart still ached to see his brother again. He was a wreck trying keep his own head on his shoulders. He was the real gloomy goose. But he couldn’t let the other two know that. He wished his heart and his mind would stop quarrelling each other so he could relax for once, but they continued to hound him. 

_You need to find Virgil!_ His brain chided. _This is your fault for annoying Logan._

Meanwhile, his heart argued, _You_ _need to get over yourself and ask Logan out already! Then you’ll be happy._

He wasn’t sure what (whom?) to believe. He wanted to listen to his heart, but his brain told him this wasn’t the time. Logan was too busy worrying about Virgil, just like Roman was. Except apparently, “busy” meant nothing to the other half of Roman’s conscience. 

So, in order to distract himself, he pulled out the item he had found in the warehouse out of his other pocket and slipped it onto his wrist. A slim, silver bracelet with crown shaped etchings along the side. As the party walked along, trying to find something—anything—else that might give them any sort of idea where Virgil could have wound up, Roman fidgeted with the bracelet. Turning it around his wrist, slipping it on and off, and lining it up with his own matching half. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> so. this part is a bit shorter than the other ones; although, i really wanted to end with this part. i wanted four parts max. but i can't wrap up a story to save my life so you're getting a part 5. and also for consistency, i wanted every part to be between 8 and 9k and i cant finish the story when i only have a thousand words left on this part. anyway i hope y'all enjoyed this part even if it was short


	5. Part 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here's the last part y'all. I hope you all enjoy.  
> Trigger warnings include basically just mentions of the same stuff in previous chapters as well as Remus being Remus and my best attempt at fluff.

“Oh my god, we forgot to call the police.” Patton stopped suddenly. 

“The police? Why?” Logan asked confusedly. “I thought we were leaving the authorities out of this unless we run out of alternative options.” 

“No, not about that. About the body!” Patton shuddered. “We were going to call someone to come deal with it, remember kiddo?” 

“You’re right. However, we’re quite a distance away from the warehouse by now, perhaps it would be best to wait until after we’ve found Virgil. That way, we can get his side of the story as well before we explain the situation to the police.” 

Patton nodded. “Oh, that’s a good idea.” He looked back in the general direction of the warehouse, even though he couldn’t see it anymore. “Still, it feels... wrong to just leave it—him—there.” 

“I don’t like it either, Patton, but I’d much rather have the full story from Virgil first.” Logan said before noticing their other companion had been awfully quiet. 

“Roman?” 

Patton took notice of this, too. “You alright, kiddo?” 

“W-what?” Roman stuttered, breaking out of his daze to shoot his friends a confused look. “Nothing, I’m- I’m fine. Splendid.” 

“Pardon my boldness,” Logan adjusted his glasses. “But that sounds like a falsehood.” 

“Um. Sorry? It’s not...” The man in red stuffed his hands into his pockets and let out a short puff of air. “Really guys, I’m fine. I’m just worried about Virgil is all.” 

“You sure, Princey?” Patton pulled a cookie dressed in cling-wrap from the small bag he carried and handed it to Roman. “D’you want a cookie?” 

“Sure.” Roman accepted it with an attempt at a smile. 

Logan blinked. “Have you been carrying those the whole time?” 

“Well of course!” Patton answered cheerfully, as though it were the most obvious thing in the world. “I’ve got all sorts of snacks and things. Do you want a cookie, Lo?” 

“No thank you, Patton.” 

“Your loss.” The man in the grey cardigan shrugged, taking a cookie for himself. 

They had decided to take a break from searching for a few minutes. They had wandered about the trees for a little while, calling out for Virgil and/or Janus, but had had no luck yet. 

Patton, it seemed, had been trying to raise spirits a little. Logan worried his efforts were wasted, however, as Logan did not need cheering up and Roman only seemed to grow more upset. By what, though, Logan hadn’t a clue. 

He could only imagine the worst. And the worst was that Roman was upset by _him._ It made perfect sense to Logan; he’d messed up when he hired Virgil even though Roman had done nothing too terribly wrong and now Roman was... afraid? Was that the correct word? No... Logan was almost sure Roman didn’t trust him. And that was what was bothering him. 

One would think that it would occur to Logan one of these times that he shouldn’t jump to conclusions when it came to people’s opinions about him, but one would be wrong. In fact, so little had occurred to Logan that he lacked extremely vital information as to why Roman was acting the way he was. Information that was right there in front of his eyes had he looked properly through his glasses long enough to see it. Or realize what it meant. 

* * *

“And you’re _sure_ this is clean?” Virgil stared fiercely into Remus’s eyes as though daring him to say otherwise. 

Remus made a crossing of the heart gesture with his middle finger. “The cleanest I could find.” 

“Alright, but if we die of dysentery, I’m blaming you.” 

“Don’t worry, it’ll only’ve been the fifth time we’ve died.” Janus commented. “Anyway, did you ever figure out how to make that pine needle tea?” 

“No, I read about it once in a book but I can’t remember how they made it.” Virgil responded apologetically. 

“Well whatever, I’m _totally_ not dying of dehydration so it’s fine.” 

“We found the pond just yesterday, how are you already dying again? 

Remus didn’t let him answer, however, because he (with less grace than he could have) tipped the cracked ice cream bucket half-full of water into Janus’s mouth and said, “Maybe it’s the dysentery.” 

Janus sputtered as water splashed over his face because Remus apparently couldn’t pour water decently. “Don’t drown me, I can hardly breathe as is.” 

“Maybe we should make bingo cards for what awful thing is going to happen to Janus next.” Virgil suggested jokingly. 

“Oh yes, _fantastic_ idea. I don’t oppose that at _all_.” Janus crossed his arms slowly over his soaked torso. 

Remus handed the water bucket to Virgil and sat back down on the ground. They had found the cracked and dirty bucket that had clearly been thrown out weeks or so ago near the pond and, though they really didn’t want to, they decided it was the best way to carry water back to their camp. 

“You know, you’d think someone would have noticed we’d gone missing by now.” Janus huffed impatiently, once again eager to leave his stationary position on the ground. 

Virgil rolled his eyes. “Even if they did notice, they’d have to be pretty lucky to just find us out here in the middle of nowhere.” 

Janus was about to say something but stopped. “Do you hear that?” 

“Hear what?” Virgil questioned. “You better not be fucking with me.” 

“Yeah, just fuck him instead.” Remus said. “It’ll be kinkier with the injuries.” 

“No, I’m _totally_ not serious right now.” Janus shushed the other two to hear better. 

While he was distracted, Remus leaned uncomfortably close to his face and whispered loudly, “It’s the manticore-chimera.” 

“What?” The man in yellow jumped. And then winced in pain as his ribs betrayed him. “Ow, was that really necessary?” 

“Absolutely.” Remus said while Virgil tried to ask him what the heck a manticore-chimera was. 

“Both of you shut up, I am trying to listen, but it is literally impossible!” Janus hissed. The other two stopped talking and watched as Janus strained to listen to the soft noise. It was coming from behind him, he realized. And it wasn’t constant. It was a random pulse of pitch and volume, almost like... speech. 

“Someone’s over there!” Janus said excitedly. “I can hear them talking!” 

“Janus, I swear if you’re kidding, I will legitimately walk back home without you-” 

“No, I think he’s right.” Remus said. “I hear it too.” 

Virgil still looked skeptical until he heard a loud offended scoff and a “ _Excuse you, I_ am _the prince!”_ that was unmistakably- 

“Roman!” Virgil and Remus exclaimed simultaneously. Without bothering to wonder how they both knew him, they dashed in the direction of his voice, leaving Janus on the ground. 

_“‘Thanks for hearing the voices and saving us, Janus.’_ ” The blonde man sassed after they had gone. 

* * *

“Excuse you, I _am_ the prince!” 

“But... no you aren’t.” Baffled, Logan wondered how Roman could possibly be a prince without a monarchy even existing in their area. 

“What was that?” Patton asked, interrupting the argument. 

They stood very still for a moment until they heard heavy footsteps coming from a patch of trees. They turned to see the shrubbery give way for two people that appeared to have climbed through. One of whom, collapsed immediately and fell face-first into the dirt, while the other spared only a moment before tackling Roman. 

Roman yelped as he was knocked down by the greenish blur; attempting to wrestle the person off of him, he didn’t even bother to get a good look at his attacker. 

“Roman! You came to save us!” Said the person. 

“What-” The redhead stopped struggling and his eyes widened. “Remus!?” 

Patton resisted his urge to go give his friend a long-awaited hug and instead crouched near the person who was now struggling to get up. 

“Hold on, just gimme a sec...” The person exhaled. “I’m just as excited I promise-” 

“Oh my gosh, Virgil!” Patton cried. "Virgil, you’re okay!” Without waiting for the man to get up, he scooped him into a hug that lifted him off his feet. “What happened? I was so scared for you!” 

“Yes,” Logan stared in shock, trying to process anything that was occurring. “What _did_ happen?” 

Remus started, “It’s a story longer than my-” 

Virgil cut him off, “We’ll tell you, but we need to get Janus to a hospital first.” 

“Janus?” Patton asked. “So, he didn’t kidnap you then?” 

“What? Why would he- nevermind that doesn’t matter right now. Let’s go.” 

Virgil and Remus led them back to their makeshift camp where a blonde man covered in a thick layer of caked, dried blood sat limply with his back against the wall of a moving truck trailer. 

Patton gasped loudly. “Oh my god, what happened!?” 

“I told you, there’s no time to explain, we just need to get Janus to a hospital.” Virgil said more urgently this time. 

“You too, Emo.” Remus told him sternly. 

“Yeah whatever.” 

Janus, meanwhile, looked incredibly confused. “Nice to meet you... friends?” 

“Janus, these are Roman, Patton, and this other guy.” Remus said quickly while he and Roman lifted Janus off the ground from either side. 

Virgil tipped the pond water out of the ice cream bucket to pick it up and asked, “Okay, which way is the way back?” 

“What is that for?” Patton asked him, gesturing at the cracked bucket. 

“Well, I’m not just going to leave trash out here.” 

Logan informed the others that the car they had arrived in was not far from where they were but they would need to hurry, as Janus appeared to have lost a great deal of blood. 

“Hey, you might need to carry Virgil too.” Remus said. 

Before either Logan or Patton could wonder why, Virgil interjected with, “No, I’m _fine._ ” 

“Are you okay, kiddo?” Patton asked worriedly. 

“Pat, it’s fine. I just got a little tired earlier and suddenly I’m a porcelain doll.” 

Remus groaned and rolled his eyes. “I don’t know how I’m going to get it through your skull that _you could not walk._ ” 

“I could walk _fine._ ” 

Patton smiled in attempt to ease the tension. “It’s okay, Virge. Here,” He slung Virgil’s arm over his shoulder. “There we go. Is that alright?” 

Virgil nodded reluctantly. 

Meanwhile, Logan’s head spun while he tried to come up with a logical explanation for all this. He didn’t have the slightest clue who the man in green was, but Roman and Patton seemed to know him. He also couldn’t begin to imagine what had happened to Virgil and Janus. He wanted to know who the dead man in the warehouse was, who killed him, what had caused so much wreckage to the warehouse, how Virgil and Janus had gotten out here to the middle of nowhere to begin with, how everyone seemed to know the man in green, and what was bothering Roman. It seemed question after question presented themselves to Logan and yet time and again, he turned them away answerless. 

“We’re here.” Roman said as the party approached the parked car. He and the green man, whom Logan suddenly remembered had been called ‘Remus’ by Roman, laid Janus gently in the back seat of the car, resting his head on a blanket that Patton had brought along. 

Janus appeared to be very tired because he drifted off almost as soon as he was set down, sleepily mumbling only, “I can’t believe my sarcasm is magic...” before falling asleep. 

Virgil sat down next to him, still facing out of the open car door so he could talk to the others. 

“Well, should we wait and call the police?” Logan asked. 

Virgil assumed a confused and almost worried expression. “Call the police? Why?” 

“The body in the warehouse.” Roman said solemnly. “We can’t just leave him there.” 

The man in violet concentrated like he was trying to put two and two together before he gasped. “Oh my god, they really did kill Steve...” 

Four things were said at once. It is assumed the reader can figure out what was said by whom. 

“Who killed him, exactly?” 

“Oh my, kiddo, what happened?” 

“Well yeah, of course I did.” 

“Odin’s beard, I knew it! His name _is_ Steve!” 

Virgil blinked. “Woah hold on, too many questions.” 

“Who killed this ‘Steve’?” Logan asked slowly, refusing to acknowledge Roman’s triumphant grin at having correctly guessed his name. 

“I did.” Remus said a little too proudly. “...In self-defence, of course. Or Janus’s defence, really.” 

“I’m so confused. By everything.” Patton sighed. “I think we’d better call the authorities, though. And then get to the hospital quick.” 

~

“So, let me get this straight.” Said Officer Harrison. 

Roman barely resisted the urge to shout ‘Good luck with that!’. 

“You were all driving by this warehouse here, saw the destroyed wall, went to check it out, and found this guy dead on the ground?” 

“Yes, that is accurate.” Logan told her. The group had decided to let Logan do the talking, as he could best tell the officer just enough truth while still lying about what really happened. Janus would have made a better liar, but then they’d have to explain his condition. And no one really wanted to wake him up. 

“Alright. I’ll take care of this.” The officer said. “I’m sure you all have had a very traumatic experience seeing this, so I’ll let you get on your way.” 

“Thank you, Miss.” 

“Just try not to alert the media as soon as you get home, you don’t want your knowledge of the incident to get out before proper investigation has been done.” 

“Of course.” 

The officer took one last look at the group before judging that none of them seemed very suspicious and turned to examine the scene. 

And with that, Roman led the other four back to the car. Upon arrival, they were faced with another issue. Patton offered to drive, as Remus wouldn’t and Logan had already driven all the way there. Roman said he was okay with driving but Logan pointed out that, unlike Patton, he didn’t sleep hardly at all during the car ride and was probably just as tired as he was from staying up all night the night before. 

So, it was decided Patton could drive, but that left only four seats for the five remaining people. Janus would sit in the back seat with Virgil and Remus, but then that only left the passenger seat for either Roman or Logan. 

Virgil jumped in immediately with, “I don’t care how much I ship you guys, do not fricking share a seat, it doesn’t end well. Trust me.” This earned him a few questioning looks. 

“I could sit on the floor.” Remus suggested. 

Virgil thought it over. “I still don’t like it... but I guess it’s better. At least you seem to be immune to injury.” 

And so, Remus ended up crouched on the floor between Virgil and Janus, Roman sat next to Virgil in the back seat, and Logan took the passenger seat. It was a tight fit, but it would have to do. 

“So...” Patton said awkwardly. 

“Care to tell us what happened to you guys?” Roman prompted. 

Virgil and Remus looked at each other as though silently asking each other how they should even begin. 

They decided to begin at the beginning. A reasonable place to start. 

“So, you all know I met Janus at Starbucks for a date.” Virgil said. “And things were fine at first, but we were bored and so we went to a bar.” 

He continued with his and Janus’s perspective of the story until he got to the part where Remus entered the picture. 

“I didn’t really know Steve all that well, but I decided to tag along with him because I was curious what he needed a hitman for.” Remus explained. “So, we ended up at this warehouse because it was a remote location, and he leaves one day and comes back later that night with these guys.” He gestured to Virgil and Janus. 

“And Steve-” 

Roman interrupted with, “I still can’t believe his name is actually _Steve._ ” under his breath. 

Virgil cleared his throat. “And Steve starts threatening me to take this job even after I told him I don’t do that anymore.” 

“This is around the time Janus realized Virgil was an assassin.” Remus snickered. “Which was hilarious to watch.” 

“It was not.” Virgil argued but brushed it off as he continued with the story. He wasn’t interrupted again until after he’d said, “...and I just drew on the desk while Janus tried to get himself killed-” 

“I knew it!” Logan exclaimed suddenly, before adjusting his tie and regaining composure. “Well, not really, but I guessed it was you.” He pulled his phone out of his pocket and reached behind him to show Virgil the picture he took of the flower doodles. “You have quite the skill.” 

The violet-haired man flushed and stammered, “O-oh. Um, thanks...?” 

“My apologies for the outburst, you may continue your story.” 

“Okay, well... um-” 

“And then I come back!” Remus shouted, cutting off Virgil’s awkward stuttering. “Virgil died and I fell through the vents on top of Janus because he wasn’t clear enough with his instructions.” 

“I’m sorry, Virgil _died??_ ” Roman exclaimed. 

“How? He’s still clearly alive-” Logan asked. 

“That’s his way of saying I fell asleep.” Virgil replied flatly. 

“Oh, good.” Patton sighed. 

“But anyway, then Janus and I broke out of the room-” 

“While I was _still_ asleep.” Virgil said annoyedly. 

Remus ignored him. “-And Steve tried to stop us, so I hit him with a bat. I didn’t actually mean to kill him, but apparently he’s got a weak skull.” 

It was then that Janus woke up, but stayed relatively silent as he listened to the retelling, leaning on Virgil’s shoulder sleepily. 

It was clear to the others that recounting the next few events wasn’t easy. Remus hadn’t said a word while Virgil explained how the moving truck had malfunctioned and they had gone over the cliff. Virgil’s breathing quickened as Remus described what happened to Janus. Neither of them mentioned how long they sat waiting for him to wake up. 

They did, however, mention that he had stopped breathing for a few minutes. 

“You tried CPR, though, right?” Logan asked. There was a silence. “ _Please_ tell me you tried CPR.” 

“I... don’t actually know CPR.” Virgil admitted. 

“And _I_ ,” Remus took a deep breath. “Did not think of that.” He cringed. “Sorry, Janny.” 

Logan’s and Janus’s horrified and/or offended words filled the car for the next few minutes. 

“You didn’t _think_ of that!?” 

“You just watched him die!?” 

“I basically _DIED_ and you didn’t _THINK OF THAT_!?” 

“Basic thinking skills! Basic logic! Come on, Virgil-” 

“ _HOW AM I JUST NOW FINDING OUT ABOUT THIS!?_ ” 

“Now kiddos,” Patton said tentatively. “Let’s not fight; it’s over and done with now-” 

“ _I’M STILL BLIND IN AN EYE AND MY RIBS ARE BROKEN, BUT SURE, IT’S ‘OVER AND DONE WITH’.”_

“Janus.” Virgil said. 

Janus ignored him and tried to catch his breath. 

“Janus.” He repeated. 

“Yes?” 

“I’m sorry we didn’t do CPR,” He said calmly. “Are you going to be okay?” 

Janus rolled his eyes. “Yeah.” 

“Glasses Guy.” Remus said in the same tone. 

“...Yes?” Logan said slowly, not entirely sure who was being referred to. 

“Hey no, Patton is Glasses Guy-” Virgil interjected quietly. 

“I am sorry for not thinking of CPR. Are you gonna be okay?” Remus continued. “Or do I need to kill you?” He tacked on last second. 

Logan rolled his eyes. “I will be perfectly fine.” 

“Good. Because otherwise,” He paused. “I was going to kill you.” 

“I’m afraid I cannot tell if you’re joking-” 

“So, we sat there and did nothing for a few days.” 

“Which was _incredibly_ interesting.” Janus pointed out sarcastically. 

And they finished their story with a quick summary of everything important that happened while they were stranded. 

“Holy shit.” Roman muttered. “And I thought _my_ end of the story was chaotic.” 

“When will you learn,” Remus shook his head disapprovingly. “That _I_ am the chaos twin? I mean, come on, Ro-Bro.” 

“Well, you were gone for so long, maybe I just forgot.” 

“For the record, I was going to come back but we sort of ran into some roadblocks. Or lack thereof.” 

“I noticed.” 

There was a short pause. 

“Well, isn’t this just the sweetest!” Patton said, ignoring the thin layer of tension. “I missed all you kiddos so dang much that your _Pop_ was gonna _pop_.” 

There was a collective groan. 

“Aw, come on, lighten up. Don’t tell me I _drive_ you up a wall that much. Can’t I at least get a _Pat_ on the back for that one?” 

“You absolutely may not.” Logan rolled his eyes. 

However, despite their feigned annoyance, not one person in that car was truly upset by Patton’s dad jokes. Because how could any of them be upset when things were finally going to be okay? The Spider-Snake-Squid Squad had been rescued finally, and Patton, Logan, and Roman had successfully found them. All they needed to do was get Janus and Virgil to the hospital as soon as possible. 

* * *

“It’s honestly a miracle he’s still alive. With injuries like that, he shoulda died soon as y’all crashed.” Said the nurse leading them to the room where Janus was being treated. 

“Will there be any permanent injuries?” Logan asked them. 

“He’ll be blind in his left eye and we ain’t sure how to fix his leg.” The nurse answered. “He’s also lost a lotta blood, but luckily it wasn’t enough to kill him.” 

“And what about Virgil?” Patton asked. “Is he going to be alright?” 

“Oh yeah, he’s just fine. Nothing’s broken, but he’ll wanna take it easy for a few weeks.” 

“That’s wonderful! Can we see him?” Roman wondered eagerly. 

The nurse laughed lightly. “Well sure, he went out to the waiting room not too long ago, din’tcha see him?” 

“We must have just missed him.” Logan replied. 

“I’ll go get him.” Remus volunteered. “I’ll be back before you can say ‘Reeeeemus! What did you do now!?’” 

“ _You’ll be back_ ,” Roman sang at him. “ _Before we can say Re- uh-_ ” He stopped himself before he destroyed the rhythm too horribly. 

They entered the room and saw Janus lying on the hospital bed. Upon their arrival, he looked over at them and smirked. 

“Finally, you all show up. I was bored.” He scanned the group and his face fell slightly. “Wait, where are the two I know?” 

“They’ll be here in a minute.” Patton told him with a smile. “Are you feeling okay, kiddo?” 

“I was fine the whole time.” Janus replied stubbornly. 

Logan raised an eyebrow. “Is this some sort of slang? I’m not sure I’ve ever heard anyone say they’re fine while covered in bandages and-” 

“It’s not slang, Lo.” Roman informed him, placing a hand on his shoulder. 

A second later, the door opened to admit Remus and Virgil. Janus’s face lit up at the sight of them, but he immediately tried to replace it with a look of irritation. 

“So how come you get to walk free?” He asked Virgil. “You _totally_ weren’t injured too.” 

“I’m not having this conversation.” Virgil said, pulling up a chair next to Janus’s bedside. He wasn’t angry though, or even annoyed. He just smiled at Janus before turning back around to the other four. “Okay, so now you all have to explain to me how you know each other.” 

Remus climbed onto the arm of Virgil’s chair and perched there on his toes, using Virgil’s head as an armrest. “I could say the same to you, Emo. How the hell did you manage to tolerate my brother long enough to even get his name?” 

“Your brother...” Virgil muttered, and after a moment of thinking- “Oh my god. Of course, you're related to Roman- I'm so stupid. How did I not realize?” 

“I truly have no idea.” Janus said which caused everyone to look over at him. “Even I realized that. Almost immediately upon seeing Sad Sack over there. It’s almost like they’re identical twins or something.” 

“Wow, thanks Janus.” 

“What? It’s not my fault I can put two and two together faster when I’m half blind than you can with full vision.” 

Virgil stared at him flatly before Remus broke the silence and demanded an explanation for two things: how _Virgil_ knew Roman and Patton, and who the heck the other glasses guy was. 

“Remember my explanation back at the warehouse? With Dudes #1 and #2?” 

“Um,” Remus strained to recall what Virgil had said. “Oh shit, yes!” He looked over at Logan. “So, you’re Dude #1?” 

Logan looked cluelessly at Virgil for an answer. “I suppose? My name is Logan, though.” 

Remus took notice of Roman’s hand, which was still positioned on Logan’s shoulder and leaned over to whisper to Virgil, “You’re sure they’re just friends?” 

“Oh no, they definitely aren’t.” Virgil whispered back. “But I let them pretend they are.” 

“Well, I guess it’s time to fix that.” Remus said, returning to his normal volume. “Roman! Come with me!” He then promptly jumped off the chair and dragged Roman out of the room, leaving the others to wonder what the heck that was about. 

Once far enough from the room that no one could possibly hear through the door, Remus stopped pulling Roman and pushed him into the wall. 

“Ow,” Roman said, massaging his arm. “Missed you too.” 

“What is this?” 

“...What is what?” 

“You clearly haven’t slept with this pretty nerd boy yet, and why the fuck not?” Remus demanded, waving his arms wildly. “Did you get replaced with a coward-Roman while I was gone?” 

“You’re one to talk.” 

“I don’t know what you’re talking about.” 

“Oh, come on, don’t pretend like I haven’t noticed the way you stared at Virgil and Janus the whole car ride.” 

“Then stop pretending like you haven’t noticed the way Logan stares at you!” 

“What?” 

“Clearly you’re going to have to be the one to make a move here, so just get on with it.” Remus offered a toothy grin. “Besides, what’s the worst that could happen?” 

Roman didn’t even hesitate. “I could be rejected by the man of my dreams and never feel joy again.” 

Remus rolled his eyes. “Calm down, drama queen. Just do it and it’ll be over.” 

The man stewed it over in his head before responding. “...Fine but if he rejects me then you’re buying me ice cream.” 

“Deal.” Remus spit into his hand and offered it to Roman. “All the ice cream your heart desires.” Roman shook his twin’s hand and then immediately wiped the saliva off on his pants. 

In doing so, he remembered Remus’s bracelet. 

“Oh, you dropped this, by the way.” He said, taking it off and handing it to his brother. 

“You found it?” Remus immediately put it back on his own wrist. “It got lost at the warehouse and I didn’t realize until after we crashed! I can’t believe you found it.” 

“...I missed you, y’know.” Roman told him. “For real.” 

“Yeah, I know, I missed you too.” Without warning, he lifted his brother up and carried him upside-down all the way back to the room with the others, saying, “Alright, and now I’m carrying you back to your nerd-prince where you can profess your undying love for him like the theatre gay you are.” and ignoring Roman’s requests to be put down. 

~

“Oh, there you are.” Logan said as he spotted the twins walking toward him in the corridor. “I was just coming to get you to make sure you were alright.” 

“Yeah, we’re fine-” Roman began before Remus, who was carrying his brother, dumped him unceremoniously onto the hard tile floor. “Ow... well now I’m not. Why must you bully me so?” He pouted dramatically at Remus. 

“Anyway, what would have even happened to us?” Roman asked, turning to look up at Logan. 

“I have no idea.” The bespectacled man stated calmly. “I couldn’t begin to predict anything that might happen to us now, especially since every event seems to lead to a worse and more outlandish one.” 

“That’s true.” 

Remus took this opportunity to leave the two of them in the hallway. 

“Do you think we’ll get a break from the crazy this time?” 

Logan shrugged. “That does sound rather enjoyable.” He offered Roman his hand to help him up off the floor. 

Roman stood but didn’t let go of his hand immediately. 

Logan gave him a confused look and felt his face grow warm. “Roman? Are-” 

“Lo, can I tell you something?” Roman asked quickly. 

“Of course.” Logan would never admit it out loud, but some part of him had high hopes for what Roman was about to say. 

“I-” 

The man’s voice caught. 

“I just... wanted to say... um...” 

He took a deep breath. “...Yeah, a break would be enjoyable...” 

... 

“Oh.” 

“Um... Sorry, I didn’t mean to... worry you. I guess my tone was a bit misleading...” 

“Oh no, no it’s fine...” Logan didn’t meet his eyes. “You didn’t... worry me.” 

Roman let go of his hand. “Um.” He looked away. “Should- should we head back?” 

“Yes, uh... Yes, we can... head back.” 

Logan didn’t feel disappointed. He didn’t feel anything. That’s what he told himself. What would he even be disappointed about? He’d had no idea what Roman was going to say, so he couldn’t have expected anything different. 

Right? 

...But if that was the case... What _was_ the heavy feeling in Logan’s chest then? It wasn’t a feeling he recognized which annoyed him. He was supposed to be the one who _did_ know things—he was a teacher! And yet he failed to grasp the meaning behind complex emotions such as these ones. But why? What was the point? Why must something exist only to torture him with its inability to be explained logically? 

They re-entered the room and Remus shot Roman a look. 

“Well?” He said without any context Logan could understand. 

Roman seemed to comprehend him perfectly, however, and he looked away, muttering, “Not now, Remus...” 

Logan looked between the two of them in confusion and was quickly joined by Virgil, Janus, and Patton. He wondered whether it had anything to do with the twins’ sudden departure from the room earlier. 

Remus went back to talking with Virgil and Janus while Roman said something to Patton, and Logan noticed the nurse that had led them to the room seemed to have left while he was gone. He wondered what time it was. It had to have gotten fairly late by then, hadn’t it? His watch told him it was nearing 9:00 PM and as much as he didn’t want to leave the others, he realized he’d have to get home relatively soon if he ever wanted to correct his sleep schedule. 

“What do you think, Logan?” He snapped out of his thoughts to hear Patton say. 

“Hm? My apologies, I wasn’t listening.” 

“We’ll probably have a FamILY Movie Night as soon as Janus gets out of the hospital,” Patton explained. “We’re wondering if you wanna come?” 

“I don’t see why not.” Logan said honestly. 

Patton grinned. “Aw perfect! Well, hopefully Janus gets better soon so we can all hang out together!” 

* * *

Janus did, indeed, get better soon. When Remus and Virgil went to go see him at the hospital, they were shocked to learn he could leave with them that time. His current condition wasn’t perfect, as he now walked with a crutch and he was permanently blind in his left eye. But it was better than matching the horrifying images of his mangled and bloody body that still stuck in the other two’s brains. His cuts and gashes were replaced with dozens of tiny stitches that ran up and down his face, and his breathing was now only slightly restricted by the rib brace he had to wear instead of being very restricted by the rib fractures. There was blood in his veins and arteries instead of spattered about his clothes and face, and his hair was back to its original silky blonde as opposed to the sticky, mud-coloured mess it had been in the forest. 

“So.” He’d said to Virgil after they’d left the hospital building and begun walking down the street to nowhere in particular. “I suppose we’d better try again this time. Seeing as the last date went so _wonderfully_.” 

“That sounds like a good idea.” Virgil agreed. “What should we do?” 

“I suggest we stay far away from that one bar in particular.” 

“Also a good idea.” 

Remus walked behind them, trying to ignore their conversation and instead focus on kicking rocks into the street gutters. 

“What about a picnic?” Virgil suggested. 

“What, you didn’t get enough of eating on the ground outside?” 

“I mean, picnics don’t _have_ to be outside... or on the ground... We could just have an inside picnic... at a table.” 

“Do you mean dinner?” Janus teased. “You could have just suggested we get dinner.” 

Virgil rolled his eyes. “Sure.” 

The blonde man turned to Remus. “You’ve been awfully quiet.” 

“What?” Remus looked up. “Oh, I just didn’t want to intrude.” 

“That sounds like the opposite of you.” Virgil stated. 

“I do have common sense.” 

Virgil scoffed. “I’m pretty sure neither of you have common sense _or_ self-preservation.” 

“Excuse you, I am the king of self-preservation. As soon as I get home, I’m taking an hour-long bath with several bottles of wine. Just try and stop me.” Janus declared. 

“You... you phrased that in such a way that makes it seem like you’re going to bathe _in_ the wine-” 

“Did I fucking stutter?” Janus smirked. “I will if I feel like it.” 

He shook his head lightly. “But anyway, back to Mr. Oddly Quiet over here.” He turned back to Remus. “Care to tell us what’s wrong?” 

“Guys, I’m fine.” 

Janus and Virgil looked at each other for not a second before simultaneously saying, “You’re kidding, right?” 

“Come on, what do you think we should do?” Virgil asked. 

“What?” 

“We _totally_ weren’t going to invite you.” 

“Well sure, I’d love to third wheel-” 

“That’s not what I meant.” 

Remus looked up. Janus’s expression was sincere. They were serious. Both of them. Virgil raised an eyebrow and waited for an answer. 

“Well,” Remus grinned and put his arms around their shoulders. “I think it’d be fun to get drunk as shit and see where that leads us!” 

“Excellent idea.” Janus said as the three of them began walking down the street together. 

Virgil gave a short laugh. “Fine, but we’re going to a different bar this time.” 

* * *

“Alright kiddos, what are we watching?” Patton asked, spreading out a stack of DVDs on the floor. 

Roman was quick to respond. “Disney! Obviously.” 

“I’ll bet ten bucks the only thing you have is Disney.” Remus said. 

“Why don’t we take a vote, that way it’s fair.” Patton suggested. “Roman you’re not allowed to rig it this time, okay?” 

It came between The Nightmare Before Christmas and Frozen. 

“ _Nightmare Before Christmas, Nightmare Before Christmas, Nightmare B_ _ef_ _-_ ” 

“Virgil, it’s not even October yet-” 

“And?” 

“He has a point, Roman.” Logan said. “The time of year doesn’t actually dictate when you’re allowed to watch a certain film.” 

“I’m not saying we _can’t_ watch it; I’m just saying.” 

“Alright kiddos, who’s voting for Frozen?” Roman, Janus, and Patton raised their hands to vote. 

Virgil huffed. “Roman! How dare you betray me like this?” 

Roman gave him a sympathetic look and shrugged. 

“Okay, and Nightmare Before Christmas?” Virgil, Remus, and- 

“Roman, you can’t vote twice!” Janus said. 

“But I can’t choose between my Disney babies...” He muttered. “Besides, Logan’s not voting.” 

“That’s because I have no preference what we watch.” 

“See? I’m just voting for Logan. Perfectly fair.” Roman crossed his arms. 

“Well now it’s tied.” Patton said. 

“Then we’ll flip a corn!” Remus declared. 

Everyone looked at him in confusion. “A corn?” Said Logan. “Don’t you mean a coin?” 

“Nope, I mean a corn.” He somehow managed to pull an entire ear of corn out of his pocket like a cartoon character and held it up for the others to see. He set it on the floor and said, “I guess we’ll really be spinning it, but whatever.” 

It didn’t spin for long on the carpet, but it landed on... Roman. 

“Nooo why??” Roman whimpered. “You can’t make me choose...” 

“This is taking an absurd amount of time. _If only_ it was just a movie.” Janus quipped. “I’m sure you _haven’t_ already seen both of them countless times.” 

“Oh, he has.” Remus confirmed. 

“That’s beside the point...” 

“Let’s just do Nightmare Before Christmas because it’s better.” Virgil interjected. 

Rather than argue, the others went along with it and they watched The Nightmare Before Christmas. 

They had gotten about forty-five minutes in when Logan noticed something outside the window in the corner of his vision. He watched the sky through the window curiously and didn’t find out what it was he’d seen until another ‘something’ shot across the sky. 

“Roman, look.” He whispered and pointed outside. “It’s a meteor shower. I’d forgotten there was supposed to be one this week.” 

Roman’s eyes widened as he watched a bright light streak across the sky. “Do you want to go and watch it?” 

Logan blushed lightly and he hid a smile. “Yes...” 

Roman chuckled softly. “Alright let’s go see it.” He gently moved out from under Patton, who had fallen asleep, while Logan navigated around Remus, Janus, and Virgil, who ignored the two of them. Roman grabbed a throw blanket from the couch and draped it around himself like a shawl before they walked around the couch to the balcony and slid open the screen door. The cool night air was a nice change in atmosphere from the rather warm living room. Logan stepped over to the railing of the balcony and looked up in awe at the sky as another meteor flashed by. He was so captivated that he didn’t notice that he and Roman were nearly shoulder to shoulder while watching the meteors; nor did he notice that Roman wasn’t watching the stars in the sky anymore, and instead watching the stars in Logan’s eyes. 

“Oh, look, you can see Orion’s Belt from here... and of course the Big and Little Dippers... oh and- Roman?” Logan stopped when he noticed Roman gazing intensely at him, as though deep in thought. “Are you quite alright?” 

“Logan. I need to tell you what I should have told you days ago. And it’s not going to be interrupted this time, or-” 

“Roman, what?” 

“And I’m not chickening out this time either.” Roman took a deep breath and Logan stared at him in bewilderment. “Look, I know we _just_ started over as friends...” 

He paused. 

“But I... I like you Logan. Like, really like you. Like... I could kiss you if you wanted. Or shower you in a million roses and write you a love song. It’s just- you're just so smart and confident and you always have a plan for when things go wrong, and... I just needed to tell you. It’s fine if you don’t feel the same- I don’t even know if you’re into guys- I just... yeah.” He looked away while Logan’s eyes widened in shock. 

“I...” He stared for a few moments before clearing his throat. “Roman, I think I’ve realized something over the course of this little ‘adventure’. And I think it’s that you aren’t the person I’d perceived you to be for so long. When I first met you, I thought you had made it your goal to pester me with silly nonsense.” 

Roman looked somewhat dismayed. 

“But then I actually got to know you, and you’re... you’re like Crofter’s Jam.” 

“What?” 

“You see, Roman. I don’t like jam all that much. There’s always too much sugar and I may as well just eat fruit. But Crofter’s is different. I tried Crofter’s and it was one of the best things I’d ever done in my life. It was the only exception. Similarly, I never liked loud outbursts of song, or distractions, or emotions... But I like you.” 

Roman adopted a look of genuine adoration and said, “That was beautifully poetic.” 

“Really? Because I’m not certain even I have the vocabulary to describe what I’m... feeling inside.” Logan gave a smile. “But I do have an appreciation for poetry.” 

“Poetry is nice, isn’t it...” 

There was a silence in which they just watched the stars until Logan turned back to the other man and said in a sudden rush of recklessness, “Roman?” 

“Yes?” 

“You said a moment ago you’d kiss me if I wanted, correct?” 

“I- yes.” 

“Well,” He took a breath. “I do want that.” 

Roman looked into his eyes only long enough for Logan’s heart to beat exactly seven times at an accelerating speed and without wasting a breath, did exactly as he asked. 

The meteor shower was wonderful, but it paled in comparison to this. Logan’s thoughts turned to fog and he only focused on Roman, who had draped his arms around Logan’s shoulders. Logan reciprocated and wrapped his own arms around Roman’s waist, and after their lips broke away from each other’s they simply stood in an embrace with their foreheads pressed together for a few moments. It was dead silent as they stood swaying ever so slightly while the meteors shot through the sky behind them. At least until they heard cheering through the glass door from inside Roman’s house. 

They broke apart and looked through the door to see the others watching them from the couch and appearing to celebrate. 

“D’you think we should go back inside?” Roman asked him, shifting so he was now holding Logan’s hand. 

“I think I’d actually rather jump off the balcony.” Logan said, his face red as the strawberries used in Crofter’s Jam. 

“Good idea.” 

They didn’t, in fact, jump off the balcony. Mostly because the reader would hate the author for injuring/killing more characters. Partly because the author would hate the author for injuring/killing more characters. It wasn’t the highest balcony in the world, but it wouldn’t be a pretty landing. 

However, they did return to the indoors shortly after watching the meteor shower for only a little while longer. 

They had barely opened the door before Virgil shouted, “Finally! Took you guys long enough!” 

Patton had apparently woken up and he now smiled brightly at them. “You guys are so adorable! I’m going to make cookies in celebration.” 

“Goddamn, finally.” Remus said. “Next time someone takes that long to get a room, I’ll lock them in the room without oxygen myself.” 

“If they don’t have oxygen, they’ll _surely not_ die before anything interesting happens, dear.” Janus pointed out. 

“Who says dying isn’t interesting?” 

“I do, darling. Been there done that, it’s incredibly dull.” Janus replied. 

“ _Anyway_.” Virgil interrupted. “Back to the gay nerds. So, Logan, still think you weren’t flirting with Roman the other day?” 

“I concede that I may have been... a bit... _flirty_.” Logan admitted quietly. 

Roman grinned mischievously. “Can I get you to confess to one more thing?” 

“Is one not cruel enough?” 

“Are you ready to admit your sandwich was lonely?” 

“Roman it was just a sandwich- There is no reason to continue to bring this up!” Logan exclaimed exasperatedly. 

“I stand by my statement that it was a lonely sandwich and I’m going to refer to you as Logan: Consumer of the Lonely Sandwich of Sadness until you admit it!” Roman declared. 

“I’m not even admitting to anything! This wasn’t even an argument until now!” 

“Well, it wouldn’t have to be if you’d just admit it already.” 

“No, Roman- what?” 

* * *

* * *

“I still think you should have done figure drawing.” Remus said, leaning against the window from where he sat on the sill. 

Virgil shifted his sketchbook so he could better draw the rays of sunlight that encapsulated his boyfriend. 

He and Remus were staying in the guest room Patton had offered in his and Roman’s house while Virgil went to school for art. It had been a few months since Logan had complimented the sketches Virgil made on the warehouse office desk, but it had stuck with him and he decided he wanted to pursue drawing. And also go to college. It wasn’t the most stable career, but he figured it was alright, considering the obvious. 

“I already told you, that’s the next unit.” Virgil replied, scrubbing away at the page to fix a line. “Also, what do you think I’m doing right now?” 

“He just wants you to draw nude models, hun.” Janus pointed out from the far end of Virgil’s bed. 

Virgil rolled his eyes. “Yeah, I managed to gather that much.” He added a few more minor details and then told Janus to go sit next to Remus. 

“Why?” 

“Because I want to draw both of you but you’re sitting in the dark.” 

“You’re one to talk.” Remus laughed. 

“Fine, I’ll get up, but only because I make a better model than Remus.” Janus sighed before sliding dramatically off the bed to the floor in spite. 

“I’ll give you that one, but only because Remus never sits still.” 

Remus crossed his arms (which caused Virgil to tear a good chunk of his own hair out.) “There are other things to draw y’know. This isn’t like the Sims where you can trap someone in your house surrounded by hundreds of paintings of themself.” 

Virgil squinted at him and Janus said, “Well that’s _definitely not_ horrifyingly specific.” 

“And... not even relevant-” Virgil added. “I’m just practicing anyway. I suck at drawing, so-” 

Patton chose that moment to walk into the room. He must have gotten off work not too long ago. “Heya kiddos- wait, what was that Virgil?” 

“Nothing.” 

“Well, that’s good, because if I did happen to hear someone talking bad about themselves, I’d have to physically fight them, and then hug them and make them more cookies than they know what to do with.” Patton threatened. 

“Pat, I don’t know how many more cookies I can make Remus eat before he gets sick.” Virgil admitted. 

The man in light blue placed his hands on his hips. “Well then I’d better not hear any more self-deprecation.” 

“I mean by this time you’d think he’d wonder how he got into an art school if he was bad at art.” Janus commented. 

Remus nodded. “Especially after ruling out sabotage, theft, murder, arson, blackmail-” 

“You guys-” Virgil said, looking away. 

“-I mean it doesn’t really leave you with many options besides just being good at drawing.” 

“Anyway, kiddos,” Patton said. “I have lunch ready if anyone’s hungry.” 

“Thanks, Popstar.” Said Virgil. 

Patton smiled at the dad-themed nickname as the other three followed him out of the room. 

“So, Virgil,” Patton started as they reached the bottom of the stairs. “Any luck finding a job?” 

Virgil shrugged. “I did another interview this morning and they haven’t said no yet, but they also haven’t said yes. So.” 

“Well, I hope this one’s lucky for ya.” 

“I do, too.” Virgil agreed. 

* * *

“Logan, you’ll never guess what happened.” Roman said, holding back laughter. 

The other man rolled his eyes. “What?” 

Roman really tried hard to look even mildly upset but he just burst out into a fit of giggles. “I got hacked again.” 

Logan exhaled deeply. “I’m setting your password this time.” He said flatly, getting up to go recover the account. “And if gets hacked again, I will personally give your Disney DVDs to Virgil so he can make sarcastic commentary about them.” 

Roman gasped. “You wouldn’t!” 

“I literally just told you I would.” 

“Fine, but if it gets hacked again with your password, you owe me...” Roman countered. “Something. I haven’t decided what yet.” 

Logan raised an eyebrow. “Alright, well as soon as you decide, let me know so I can witness your disappointment when it never gets hacked.” 

“You’re a cruel boyfriend.” Roman said with no genuinity behind the words. 

“No one forced you to date me.” Logan pointed out. “As I recall, you asked me out.” 

Roman shifted his mock-offence to a look of pride. “I did, and wasn’t it beautiful? Did I tell you Patton helped me pick out the flowers?” 

“In fact, you did. Fifteen times.” 

“Did I tell you I found the same kind of red daises back when we were looking for Virgil and I was going to give them to you but then I didn’t because I didn’t think you would like me back?” 

“Well at least you never claimed to be the brightest.” Logan smirked. 

Roman rolled his eyes endearingly. “Right, like hiring an assassin to bother me all day as payback was a four-dimensional chess move.” 

Logan adjusted his tie and returned to his desk before saying, “Well, if it made me realize I was in love with you, then I suppose it was a ‘four-dimensional chess move’. It all worked out in the end, didn’t it?” 

Logan was right, Roman realized. It had all worked out in the end. Sure, things were a little different. Well. A lot different. And obviously life would still have its up’s and down’s. But at least they had each other now. He had Logan, he had his brother back, he still had Patton, and now he had Virgil and Janus. 

They were just family, and life was just life. That was all. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And that's it. The end of the craziness and unnecessary Hamilton references. I do hope you all enjoyed because this story is definitely my favourite to have written. I'm excited to work on other projects and I've got quite a few ideas lined up. 
> 
> (Also, I have a few ideas that I kinda want to expand upon so let me know if you guys wanna see that in one-shots or even possibly a sequel.)


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